Need Help/Advice with Ex Gf....

[john5454]

Ok I dated this girl for 10 months she is 26 I am 28. So we basically were inseperable. She has a son who is 4. Was divorced for 6 months when I met her. We had a great relationship and loved each other very much. However, she had a drinking problem and would have 8-12 drinks a day....however she didnt seem drunk at all...sometimes she got really drunk (mostly when she didnt have her son)....anyways she goes out one night without me. And goes home with a guy she works with (40 year old). She had told me about this guy divorced father of 2 teenagers that always hit on her and she had told me she always told him she wasnt interested etc..and that she was happy with me.

She calls me the next day crying and told me about it. So we split up. Now the next month I get a few phone calls/texts saying she loves me and all that jazz. And wants to hang out etc...Then after a month she shows up at my house at like 9 am passed out in her car and she got sick all over my driveway. Apparently she went on a 3 day bender and didnt show up to work etc...her mom drove to my house looking for her...so then she tells me she is going to get help and asks me over to hang out...I go over and she is ALL OVER me...but i stay strong and leave...as I am leaving the 40 year old is walking in!...so thats when I said it is over...So i dont talk to her for a month and then I get a phone call....emergency..He hit her and she has black eye...etc...So I go over once again and she has a black eye and is so upset and crying...so i was there for her for 3 days...then she sends a text..dont contact me anymore I am committed to the 40 year old...he is a big part of me getting better...

That was a month ago...So this last weekend I go out with my friends and just sent her a quick text saying hi there. She got back to me in 20 seconds and we texted for a bit and then talked on the phone and got along great...she said she is sober for over a month now etc...

My question is do you think it would be a good idea for me to try and get back with her? I miss her...but then I think about how she cheated on me and then ran to me multiple times and then just used me and got back with that 40 year old dude.... I dont even know if she is still with him ( i am assuming she is) but he didnt care that I was with her when he non stopped tried to get with her..

I need some advise on what to do...I want to text her/call her but I dont want to get rejected..

Sorry so long but please help!

[smackie9]

I have a lot of experience with alcoholism growing up with in a family of them and from what you have posted, I see the same old shit. I have to ask, is she going to AA? If not she needs to or she will start drinking again guaranteed. When you are in sobriety it is recommended that you are not in a relationship, for if any problems arise within the relationship, they most likely turn to the bottle again. Quiting drinking, and that means for good, is a life time commitment. She will have to go to the AA meetings for the rest of her life. If she said she stopped drinking for a month without help, I said bull shit. This is something that does not goes away. The disease is forever with that person. I recommend you do some research before you decide to return to the relationship.

[eightball61]

You've already looked back and it didn't work out which proves that now is the time to just move on. You're young and life is to short for this kind of stress. I vote for you to move on without looking back. You've already looked back and it didn't work out inwhich just shows that now is the time to just move on

[john5454]

So My ex gf texted me sat night about how I was doing. And we sent a few back and forth and she ended it by saying....it was great talking to you...get at me whenever...i miss you.

I didn't respond. But why would she say get at me whenever when she told me 7 weeks ago not to contact her.

Any advise?

[smackie9]

Sure she may miss you but the drinking problem she has is still there. You are not going to get a great relationship out of this so don't look at the as an opportunity. It was a bad experience so why repeat it again. Just move on.

[eightball61]

Any advise?


Yes!!! stop ignoring us, listen to her original advice of "she told me 7 weeks ago not to contact her", and try to move on...

Ok, she is the one that sent you the message but you didn't have to respond, right? You can also have her number blocked through your cell carrier. There is no excuses so if you want advice then you need to start listening as we have to prime examples here of you not doing so:
1.Not listening to her original advice.
2. Not listening to us.


Take the mixed messages but in the end only one person will be left alone and hurt.....You!!! It's your call...

[Diablo]

The girl changed her mind, but she's going to keep doing that if you contact her. It's not worth it. AA is not required to stay sober, but one month isn't long enough to know if she'll stick with it. I quit in '95 and it's a real rhymes with witch for the first three years. I get a strong impression that this girl doesn't really know what she wants and you shouldn't fool much with her before she does.