Need advice...

[yellowrose]

I have a huge problem that I desperately need some help with. I have fallen in love with someone who I can’t have. You see, he’s married (and has children). I have known this guy for a little over a year – we work at the same company, in different departments, but our paths cross frequently. We have spent *a lot* time together working on various projects…It started out as a friendship, but has grown. I’ve tried not to fall for him, but he is so very sweet, he makes me laugh, we have such a good time together (even when stressed and trying to make doomed projects work!), and we “click” so well together…We share many of the same interests, the same sense of humor, and same values. I know that he feels very strongly for me, although he has never used the word “love”. But, it’s pretty clear that if he were not married, we would be dating by now.

As much as it breaks my heart, I know I can’t have him. He’s married. I love him with all my heart, but do not want to be a “home-breaker” or an adulterer. I only want what is best for him. I do not think that he would cheat on his wife, but I am also worried that the line could be crossed in a moment of mutual weakness. I *hope* that we would be strong enough to prevent a ual relationship from taking place.

I’m worried about rumors though. He has a *very* high position within the company and rumors could hurt his reputation (not to mention mine). Due to the nature of our work, we see each other often in meetings, conferences, and at business receptions. At the last few of these that we attended, he did not let me out of his sight and kept me close to his side the entire evening. And the way he looks at me…it would melt any woman’s heart. His face just lights up when he sees me…But that’s also part of my fear, that others will notice and start rumors. In short, I’m afraid that we’ll give our feelings away with the looks in our eyes.

What am I to do? I don’t want to lose our friendship. I can’t quit my job. I can’t help the way I feel toward him. I feel very stuck. Please help.

[eightball61]

What am I to do?.


there is nothing you can do....You allready know you can't have him and you have to just accept the reality of things. You dont want to get in the way of his marriage because that can cause a lot with him having kids and there no garentee he will ever leave her. I know you dont want to leave your job but its either except the reality of things or just leave the job to move on. those are your only choices.

[Rich]

It's tough but you're jsut going to have to limit your time alone with him and the flirtation that is going on between you two.

If you were the cause of his marriage ending then you would never totally be sure that he wouldn't do it to you, if you two got married.

My advice is to step back and avoid him if you don't want to change jobs. By all means go and speak to him and let him know your feelings.

Just express that you don't hate him or anything, just that you're stepping back so that no issues arise. Tell him whatever happens in his marriage has to be from what has taken place in the marriage and not because of you. That'll help you in the future if you both ever did wind up together.

Rich

[MissCheivious]

Consider the old adage "If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you". It's all too true. Let me tell you from personal experience that falling for a married man doesn't work. First of all, there's the fact that this man made vows to another woman. In this day and age, that's not a big deal but it really is. Would you really want to be with a person who vows to honor another person and then hooks up on the side? That could very well be you that he decides to dishonor one day. The odds of him leaving his wife for you could be pretty good but, consider the guilt of breaking up a family. IMO, there's no such thing as a homewrecker. If a man or woman chooses to cheat, they breakup the home, not the person they cheat with. It takes two and you both know it isn't right. The best thing to do is avoid him and if he asks you why you're avoiding him, tell him that you've heard rumors and you want to remain as professional as possible. No matter what happens, you'll never have him completely. You'll have his baggage and his guilt and then you'll have this guy you were so sure you clicked with. The way you feel about him now will change when you both have to deal with a broken marriage, a scorned spouse and children that resent you. If you're willing to deal with all that then go for it but, it's ALOT to deal with and most people decide to move on. Who knows, maybe he's your soulmate but he's married for a reason. There's no guarantee that you're going to end up with your soulmate either. Honestly, having been down this road, I can safely tell you that you're alot better off avoiding him and not telling him about any feelings you might have because you'll both use that as an excuse to slip up and give in to temptation. Slowly remove yourself from his professional and personal life and under no circumstances should you be alone with him. Remain professional and if you need help, act like his wife is in the room. It sounds silly but you wouldn't do anything with his wife in the room. Just remember, don't do anything to anyone that you wouldn't want done to you. Good luck. :)

[yellowrose]

Thanks...All very good advice. I like the suggestion to pretend that his wife is in the room...That sounds like a good technique! I can't avoid him totally, but can i can limit my time with him or at least make sure that other people are around...sigh...sometimes though, life doesn't seem very fair.

[valueprep]

This approach of pretending is just that. The way you feel about a man who already is spoken for is absolutely redundent.
You are not a bad person! Don't get me wrong, however, this is a situation that could shockwave many people and you and him would be the culprits!
This is not a way to live your life even if you do see this person all the time in the workplace environment.
DISCONNECT IMMEDIATELY!
Do it for yourself and for his family. All feelings you had must stay in the past and moving forward should be paramount in your life. Otherwise, you will be spinning your wheels into a future of uncertainty and strife.

Take Care,
Sincerely,
Brian Maloney,
<< Moderator Edit: URL Removed. Please put your homepage url in your profile or signature, not in each and every posts. >>

[kulukuy]

be yourself and be honest, you can express what you really feel towards him but give it a limitations...

lolz! ;)

[Rich]

Definately stick with wearing the mini skirts and stiletto heels to the office. You don't want to deprive the other guys because of this. :-)

I'm just kidding, Yellowrose.

We can have some fun here too, right?

[yellowrose]

Definately stick with wearing the mini skirts and stiletto heels to the office. You don't want to deprive the other guys because of this. :-)

I'm just kidding, Yellowrose.

We can have some fun here too, right?


LOL! Well, of course I'm not giving up the mini skirts and stiletto heels...!!

And of course, I'm just kidding, too ;)

[eightball61]

LOL! Well, of course I'm not giving up the mini skirts and stiletto heels...!!
)


hmmm.....got a pic :p


I am also kidding please dont take offense :D

[Rich]

Good luck Yellow Rose. :)

Love a sense of humor.

You wouldn't happen to also be from Texas too?

Rich