Should I break it off?

[AlexCrystal]

Hi, I'm new to this site and would really love some advise on this....
I have a long distance boyfriend. He lives in Florida (finishing up Law School) and I live in South Carolina. He is 24 and I'm 27.
We see each other about every 2 weeks. We've been together almost 5 months.
He is sooo good to me and tells me he loves me and how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him.
The thing is...I think he has zero intentions of ever marring me. I don't want to waste my time...eventhough I've fallen for him.
Over time, he's made certain comments that lead me to believe he doesn't see our relationship as long term or one that could lead to marriage.
I made a comment about when I get older (like in my forties) that I wouldn't be against getting botox. He said "well, I'll me long gone when that happens".
He also has no intentions on introducing me to his parents or brothers because they are Muslim and wouldn't agree with him dating me (I'm white). A few days ago I actually came out and asked him if this relationship was in vain...that he didn't see us together long term...that he wouldn't ever marry me because I'm not Muslim.
He said....
In a perfect world, yes, I would want to marry someone Muslim...but it's not a perfect world. Our relationship would not end because I wouldn't marry you because you are not Muslim...it would probably end due to our distance. He said if it came down to it he would work things out with his family if he ended up marrying someone not Muslim. He said...I'm not saying I would or wouldn't marry you...I just don't know. I don't want to get married for at least another 4 or 5 years...and that's a long way away.
Am I wasting my time here? I really feel like he doesn't see himself with me long term. Like I said, I'm 27 and not getting any younger. I don't want to waste my time and get hurt in all of this if he just thinks this is a playful relationship and nothing more.
Do I break things off even though I love him...in order to date someone that I feel would marry me???
I'm sooooo sorry this was so long. :confused:

[INLOVEWITHHIM]

Yes... yes... yes... do you want to get married one day?!? You can not talk someone into something they do not want... He can give 101 reasons why not, but none of them are good enough... why waste your time-- there is someone out there that wants to marry you... but, you will never find him while you are waiting for someone that does not have good intentions... Sucks... I know....but, the sooner you break up with him... the sooner you will be in a relationship that has the ability to move foreward!!

[smackie9]

Give your head a shake. You have just answered your question. There are more cons that pros. Time to move on and find that perfect man.

[eightball61]

In order for things to work you both need to be committed to the same goals. Talk to him again and just see what he see for the future. Tell him you want a relationship to grow. If he can't promise that then you have your answer.

[missy1985]

sorry i haven't even read your post but it caught my eye the words (long distance relationship) :( they dont work love.

L x

[Rich]

You need to go sit and meditate / contemplate on this question. Then trust and listen to your heart. Your heart / soul will never steer you wrong.

Right now he's looking four to five years out and it's 50/50 at best. If those are not good enough odds and a time frame for you, then you need to move on.

Just tell him that it's been great but that you both have different desires, timeframes and wants. You'll find another.

And IMO, the muslim issue will always cause conflict in your life. How will you raise your kids, if you have any? Your religion? His religion? No religion?

All things to consider.

Rich

[eightball61]

they dont work love.

L x


Actually they can work but it takes a lot for them to work. I will agree that alot do fail but many do stay alive with patients, communication, and trust. Many people that often deal with the distance thing are off to school or in the military. With the net these days more and more people are trying it this way. People that have partner gone to school, military, or for whatever found ways to make it work. Some get lonely and cheat which causes a breakup or some people just spaz out a lose trust which closes the relationship. What I am trying to point out is it can and also can't work it depends on the couple. The only way I would try online dating if I saw a future to grown like if the person lived close and I was able to share a physical touch with them. These are just my thoughts though...

P.S Welcome to the boards :D

[missy1985]

thankyou :)

i do and dont agree...

nowadays if someone has a relationship with someone over the net they are considered as sad and cant get a 'real' partner.

i personally dont think long distance relationships work, or relationships over the net.

When im in a relationship i like to see my partner every day or nearly every day, as does he

L x

[eightball61]

nowadays if someone has a relationship with someone over the net they are considered as sad and cant get a 'real' partner.





lol thats where it all differs though. As you see we all have different beliefs to this. Some do make it work while others can't. I too dont fully believe a relationship can work without physical touch but when a partner is gone to school or serve the country then a relatiosnhip can still work. On the other hand if its a total net relationship where no meeting ever involved then to me there is no point. Its all differs from person to person and some are denicated enough to make it work while other just can't stand it. I do agree with you point though.

[missy1985]

aw yeah i agree that if you are with someone, then they have to go to school or the military or whatever but will be returning, then i agree it can work then.

L x

[AlexCrystal]

Thank you all for your advice. I did speak with my boyfriend about it again. He basically said that he enjoys taking one day at a time and you can't "plan" a relationship...that you go with the flow and see where it takes you. He really is great to me, and I trust him eventhough we are states away from one another. We see each other about every 2 weeks. I do love him...not sure if I'm willing to wait 4 or 5 years for marriage (as he is)...but I can't just break things off right now based on ASSUMING what the future may or may not hold for us. Believe me, I wish I could know for sure if hanging in there is the right choice....it's a risk, I know!!!! And I may get hurt in the end.

[eightball61]

Then just take it one step at a time....You asked him and then you got your answer. See how things progress. He is right and relationships go day by day but there is also growth day by day. Another words you both see eachother a few time every two weeks but I am sure you both won't be doing that for another 4-5 years. By then you should know his parents and probably living with him but I guess only time will tell on what will happen.

[valueprep]

Hello Crystal, and Thank You for the flattering email.
It seems that you are caught up in not knowing what you truly deserve. Many people are blinded by intimate relationships and do not know what they should be getting out of them and vice versa.

He is right, this isn't a perfect world, however, relationships are ALWAYS a two way street!

Analyzing the cost of the not knowing vs. the benefit of this relationship is important. Furthermore, he is muslim and I think deep down, he does not want to "rock the boat" with his family. That is his perogative, although, this is long distance, you are older, he is muslim, he is fairly uncertain of a future with you,....you are certain.

Are you getting the big picture? If I were a gambling man "which I was some time ago", I would bet the house against this progressing forward. This opinion has absolutely zero to do with race; it has everything to do with intentions & his primarily.

You seem like a very sweet and honest girl and many a guy would be so lucky as to have a person like you in their lives, so do the favor to yourself, and "clip it" asap.

Set your sights on the future, he will be your past and part of your past are experiences and lessons learned. Chalk this up as both and make yourself available to A. someone local to you. B. someone who shares the same values you do.

I hope I didn't burst your bubble, but this is the best route to take.

Take care of yourself,
Sincerely,
Brian Maloney,
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[luvme4ever]

I am sorry to have to say this, I noticed you said you guys went out for 5 months.. and you're 27. Yes wouldn't blame you for thinking about marriage. he's younger than you, and a male, rite now, it's too soon for him to even think about marriage. I'm 20 yrs old girl, and the talk of marriage scared the heck out of me. I rather let take things spontaneously. than rush it. Just let him come to you on his own. Like my boyfriend, I don't mention anything about marriage or meeting his family or having him meet my family. He just came right out and said he want me to meet his family. and he even tried to setup events so me and his sibblings can bond and get to know each other.