Help Me?!?

[INLOVEWITHHIM]

This might be long, but I will try to give the Readers Digest version. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. He is military(career!!). When we met, he lived about an hour from me... we both took turns driving to see each other and things were good. At some point early on, things started not to feel right, so I gave him the option to work harder or we should end things. He decided to put forth a lot of effort... and was absolutly perfect for me. I knew though, that soon he would have to move about 2000 miles away. We decided that we should continue to date, and figure things out as we go. At this point, we had not said the three words... He moved, and onw day after he left.. he called me and told me he loved me. From there, he started talking about us getting married, and me moving to be with him, and our life together... 3 months later I moved.. he begged and begged-- and we just didn't want to be apart. So, now I am here. The first month was a huge adjustment for both of us... and then he had to go away for 45 days or so...no contact at all... the day after he left-- his ex sent him an IM asking why he was not in the field... she and I talked for a moment, and come to find out she knew all about me... except for the fact that I had moved across the country to live with him, and that we were talking about getting married... they dated for a while, and have been broken up for at least 2 years now... she claims to me that they are "great friends", and she should know these personal aspects of his life. He is a big boy, and he is allowed to be friends with whomever he wants to... but, he has never mentioned that he talks to her, and I have never asked. (they broke up because she cheated on him, and that just doesn't fly with him... no second chances) I am a little upset that he talks to her, but just never told me...Maybe it's not that big of a deal to him, maybe she thinks that they are better friends than they are, maybe he is hiding something... I am really not sure what to think at all... should I be worried? I love this man, and plan to spend the rest of my life with him... I would go to the end of the world for him... so what should I think... overall he is a wonderful guy-- not the type to lie or cheat... HELP!! And if you made it to the end of this.... THANK YOU!!!!!!!

[AlexCrystal]

I wouldn't be too concerned (yet). What was your overall feel of the conversation with the ex? Did it leave a bad feeling in your stomach? Maybe it really is as honest as it sounds...they are just friends and keep in touch...although after being with this guy for a year and him not to have EVER mentioned that they still communicate is a little questionable. Why don't you simply ask him about their friendship (in a nice, NON jealous way) because the minute you turn it into questioning him or backing him in a corner, he may not be honest with you and it may cause an arguement for which there really is no basis for (because it may just be a friendship) albeit a hard one for you to deal with..(I know I wouldn't exactly love my boyfriend to be friends and communicate with his ex). See what his reaction is about the whole thing...you will get a gut feeling about it.

[smackie9]

If you are going to marry this guy, you are going to have to learn to trust him. Why not just talk to him about it and let him know that he shouldn't keep things like that from you. If you get angry and get all jealous, he's going hold back on certain things, so not to upset you. Relax. He wants to marry you, not her. :)

[INLOVEWITHHIM]

Thank you for your replies thus far!! Just to clarify... my frustration comes from the fact that he is MIA (military junk) for 45 days... and we will have no contact... I am more or less just calming my nerves... thank you for your replies and any future comments!!!

[eightball61]

He may be embarressed to mention he still talks to her because he may think you may not approve of the friendship. The bright side is that she knew about you. He may not have told her both of your plans because you just got there. Military life is not easy for him nor can be for you. You both have done good for now and that still can continue if you can hang in there.

You may be feeling like this because you havn't spoken to him about it yet with him being gone. Alot of people lie thinking it better than telling the trueth. In relaity thats theory is all wrong. I see no wrong doing though on his end and you have nothing to worry about. He does seem to want to be with you. Once you both marry then this friendship may go but he was honest with her and didn't hide you.

[valueprep]

You need to have a heart to heart with this man and attempt to guage his relationship with this ex. (this must be done in person by the way to be done right)
If you see through him or trip him up in some lie(s), then you must make the determination if the cost is simply too much for you or if the relationship yields more benefits to simply toss away!
This is a personal judgement call that NO ONE can make except you. However, do not go into this hoping for the best, simply go into it with a level head, almost indifferent as to it's outcome.
Your logic here is going to be crucial so try not to think and make decisions in this without your "A game logic" hat on.

Good Luck,
Sincerely,
Brian Maloney,
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[eightball61]

You need to have a heart to heart with this man and attempt to guage his relationship with this ex. (this must be done in person by the way to be done right)
If you see through him or trip him up in some lie(s), then you must make the determination if the cost is simply too much for you or if the relationship yields more benefits to simply toss away!
This is a personal judgement call that NO ONE can make except you. However, do not go into this hoping for the best, simply go into it with a level head, almost indifferent as to it's outcome.
Your logic here is going to be crucial so try not to think and make decisions in this without your "A game logic" hat on.

Good Luck,
Sincerely,
Brian Maloney,



I like this advice here. :D Good post brian

[WonderWoman]

If he's never seeing her in person it may not be a very big deal, he probably just didn't want you to freak out?