His best friend and her kid

[opti3]

So my boyfriend has this best friend of 5 years. As far as I know, they used to sleep together, but never dated. She has a little boy who he "loves" a lot. The kid has a dad, but my boyfriend always likes to play "daddy" to him when they are all together (him, her and the kid). They act like a married couple with a kid. It really upsets me, so I said something to him, but he backs it up with stupid bull. He "fell asleep" over at her house a while ago, and that just didn't fly with me, so I told him that has got to stop. But I knew from the very beginning that she is more important than me because he would drop me like a hat if I asked him to stop hanging out with her. That was a red flag, but I stayed. So we had talked about marriage and kids, and he WILL NOT have children EVER! I think he likes to pretend that her kid is his so he doesn't have to have his own. It absolutely drives me insane that he acts like this, and now I have to suffer with no children (if I go through with it), and we have to have pictures of HER kid up in our bedroom because that is good enough for him. By the way, we do have a shrine to her kid in our room which he refuses to let me take down. HELP! I need advice, other than "leave him".

[eightball61]

How is it that he doesn't want to have kids but he adores this child like it was his?

You have some good in this relationship and some bad. I did read your last message and this one is painting a clearer picture of this man. From these post it seems he runs a mind that things should be his way or no way. Another words no matter how hard you try about this situation I dont think he will let go.

Personally, I see no harm with him being a good pal to that child but its not his. If he wants to father then he needs to stand up to the plate and become a father. I am not saying he has to pull away from the child but the relationship he has with this girl from past to present would create worries to me also. He sees no wrong doing in sleeping over her house. For times like this you may have to turn the table when you talk to him about this. Another words how would he feel if yu had a guy friend like this. I am not encouraging you to do that.

You both need to compromise here. Another words its ok to see the child but sleeping over her house is out of the question. Also if he wants to be a dad then he should take your relationship further.

[opti3]

Well, I my good friend (not best, but close) is a guy. We have been friends for almost 10 years. We have never slept together or been together. He is not my type, but he has been a great friend. My boyfriend knows he has no competition with him. My friend is 6'5", 250 lbs. To tall for me. I don't think he is jelous though. Nothing can turn him from being as cold as ice most of the time. As far as kids for him. He doesn't want the responsiblity and he will never want to have children of his own. I think in the end I am going to end up walking away from it, but it is a little more complicated than that, and I have tried to leave several times, but he keeps manipulating me back into it. I hate it because I can see it even when I say it that he is not a winner, but I can't figure out why I want to stay with him.

[eightball61]

You keep going back willinly and not because he has that way to pull you back. If you really wanted out then you would find a true way to be out. I have really come to belive that this is a jealousy issue and you are afraid she may take him away. You have to see some of the positives like he still wants back with you and you tried to leave and this women allready has a man.

I will add though that you are not over reacting because I would be thinking the same as you. I am a very jealous person but I still allow my girlfriend to do stuff but we compromise a lot and work together. You are still allowing them to talk and you are not holding him back but you both need to compromise this. If you feel that you are done with it then just walk but you have to accpet that every relationship will have a challenge. Some are different than other. This is like a test to see how strong you relationship is and if you give up then you know the outcome of that test.

You have 2 choices here and that either try to work together or you give up.....If you give up then you lose out but you have to remember that your next relationship you need to be more excepting. Your position is very tough but if you can't deal with the pressure then end it but you'll never know what the future will end up like for you both if you dont give it a chance.

[Rich]

You need to ask yourself if you're looking long term with this guy or not. If you're looking for marriage, then it won't work with this guy.

You might not like it, but that's the truth.

When two people are thinking about spending the rest of thier lives with each other, then they need to put the other person before ALL others.

The fact that he puts both his "friend" and her son before you speaks volumes. The fact that you stated that he would drop you in a heartbeat if you asked him to stop seeing her, also speaks volumes about the state of your relationship and his level of respect for you.

The fact that you don't want to hear from anyone to break up with him, shows that you're in denial somewhat. Maybe you're a glutton for punishmant.

IMO here's the deal. Your BF loves you but not enough to base a marriage on. Do you have total trust in his love and that you would come before ALL others? Obviously not. So what else do you see in him, that more out weighs him not putting you first, that is driving you to stay with him?

Do you not think that you could find another?

You know what he thinks of you by his actions. Either accept it and don't let it bother you or leave him. IMO those are your options. If you chose to stay knowing what is, then stop complaining. Only you have the power to change how you're being treated.

If you want to be treated better, be given more respect and consideration, then find another person that will do that, because obviously your BF can't and/or won't.

Rich
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[INLOVEWITHHIM]

Relationships are about compromise... everyone knows that-- it's just very hard to act upon sometimes... there are a couple of ways to approach this... possibly, you should reiderate the fact that if makes you uncomfortable and you would like to included in "their life"... you are afterall, a part of his life... if that is not possible, then you really should take a step back and look at what he is telling you-- two people that he has no commitment to are more important than you... that's not good... although, there may be something much deeper as to why he feels he does not want to have kids right now... his best friend was left alone with a kid-- and he may not want to be in that same boat, or leave somone else in that boat.. is he young? It could also be that he needs time... Playing house is much easier than running one... Always remember too... that if he is not taking your feelings into consideration-- then you need to worry about you... Good luck?!?

[AlexCrystal]

how long have you been together?

[opti3]

We have been together for three years