Horribly confused...I could really use some advice

[baching311]

I have had a strictlly physical relationship with this guy for the past two years, emotion, attachment and commitment-free. There used to be a line between us that was never crossed, but i can no longer deny that i do have an emotional attachment to him, which totally defeats the purpose of our strictly physical relationship. I've been in a lot of bad relationships and he's been the most constant, stable guy i've had in my life. I am extremely comfortable around him and trust him ually, which is a major issue for me. He's never made me feel bad about my body, and i am very insecure about with that issue. We couldn't act any more like a couple; we talk on the phone every night and every time he is in town we are eachother's top priorities. However, i would never be in a committed relationship with him. He is aggressive, manipulative and a cheater (we began "hooking up" while he was still in a relationship). I wouldn't want to be exclusive with him. The thing is, he used to be a little bit more sensitive to my feelings, protective, lighthearted etc., but lately he's been distant and crude. We've hardly been talking and when we do, he makes me feel like he has no interest in whats going on in my life at all. I don't know if he is having personal issues he needs to work out or if it's me. It's a completely different side of him i never knew. It's the first time that i've really had to think about things between us or every actually felt bad about what was going on. It bothers me that i am thrown so off balance by his actions. I would norbally consider myself to be an extremely strong and independent person, but i can't figure out why i have such a weakness towards him that is so out of character for me. To complicate the matter, i've always felt that he would be the first person that i would have with. My virginity is very important to me and i would like to remember my first as a positive experience with someone who i am comfortable with indefinatly. We're very open with this matter. I think that i havn't slept with him yet because i had insecurities and issues to work out within myself before i felt i wanted to have with anyone in general. Now, i am so afriad that his insensitivity will only hurt me if i have with him. i feel that will make me feel extremely vulnerable and i am terrified of that. I have no idea how to handle this whole situation. Why do i cling to him when i know i shouldn't? please help!

[catty]

Hi there, I really feel for you about this and have certainly been there myself.

Please dont have with this man, i promise you, you'll regret it.
Whatever happens after you've had for the first time, the first time will always be something you remember and shouldnt regret.

Im not sure how old you are?

But trust me, i wanted my first time to be special, and it was, and it doesnt matter taht since then i've done some horrendous, tacky, slutty things.
Its just that if your first experience isnt something you enjoyed and dont regret it could possibley have an effect on the way you view ual relations in the future.

And as for why do you want this man even though you know he's no good for you? well, we've all fallen for that one.
I dont know, theres just something about someone we just cant have, and theres something about someone a little bit dangerous.

The truth is you'll probabley always want him a little bit, but you'll learn that he will never be a long term prospect, by what you've said about him thats the case i think.

Try to distance yourself from him, if he contacts you dont fall at his feet, play hard to get.

If you ever need to talk, email me.

Cat,xx

[browneyedgirl03]

i totally, 100% agree with what Catty said. Don't give it up to him. Wait until you find someone that you can not only trust with you body, but more so, your heart. If you have with this guy, i can almost guarrantee that you will become emotionally attached. We are girls, it's ineveitable. So just wait it out until you find someone who is worth it. You won't regret it, and they will appreciate/respect you for it too! Take Care!