Opposite friends!!

[daveep]

Hello anyone, my deal is common im sure. My gf is the girl who thinks for the most part girls are es and prefers guyfriends to girlfriends. Theres something i probebly dont get about this. I believe most all males have at least an underlying incintive of when they befriend a girl. I know im this way and alll my friends except one older dude in his late thirtys feels this way. Ive tried to recall a girl that i was friends with that i didnt have some sort of uall attraction to and i cant recall.
So my gf in the company of eight people, half of which are single guys taking a a trip to the coast for spring break.(she's making the 7 hour road trip with two of them). I trust her but i still made a fuss about it. Whats going on here?????? Thank you very much!
Oh ya im 24 shes 19

[kulukuy]

I trust her but i still made a fuss about it.
main keyword is "trust and faith".

[eightball61]

This is a huge trust issue....You have to chose you actions cautiously because if you try to hold her back then she will go anyway and a breakup may occur. You have already put your fuss in and now you both need to work on this together. You need her words to assure that things will be ok. Work on a game plan like when she suppose to call you how often to keep in contact.

Trust is very important to any relationship. This could be a test to see how strong the relationship is. You have been able to hold up with her guy friends this far so you can do it for this trip. If my GF wanted to go on something like this I would flip also so your actions are reasonable but she wants to do this.

Another thing that can be playing into this is the fact that you are 24 and have had your play time. She is only 19 and hasn't even hit 21 yet. She wants to have her fun time by hanging with friends. Her choice of friends differs with the opposite but if she was going with the girls I think you woud still feel the same. Personally, I would feel calmer my GF going with guys then a bunch of girls that can get wild and crazy. Guys that have have close friends as girls treat them like a sister and watch out for them. I can't judge the situation because I dont know these guys but my opinion comes from basic knowledge.


I am sure they will be looking out for her. They want to take this trip to have fun for maybe the last time before life seperates them all. You just need to feel a little more secure and work together on this and durning her leave stay busy.

hope this all helps some

[xxsirvtecxx]

Hey man, i know exactly what you mean, but as far as having friends of the opposite then for me they are only freinds nothing more nothing less....and i dont have any attraction...only a friendship, but as far as ur gurl having guy friends man, yea i know its hard cause your prolly thinking what the hell would they do to her and what could possible go wrong....believe me i asked myself that question and still do....its only because you really care for the chick...so all you really need to do is trust her..if you dont then things will get worse...believe me bro....they will get worse...if you dont have trust with one another.

[daveep]

Thanks for the input... Ya the trust and faith things are key here, which im sure she wont screw anyone but shell still be around a bunch a dudes who will surelly hit on her on this last high school spoof and it pisses me off! But she chooses to be with guys and put herself in that scenerio so thats who she is... Is the girl who prefers guyfriends always a ??, or what is it? i dont have a bunch of girlfriends and if i did id want to scew all of them, But thats a guys perspective. Shes given me her reasons for this but i need more.

Another thing that can be playing into this is the fact that you are 24 and have had your play time. She is only 19 and hasn't even hit 21 yet. She wants to have her fun time by hanging with friends

I agree with this, it comes with the desicion to date a 19 year old.

[eightball61]

See you are a guy and you know how they think and act but put yourself in the position that you were going with a binch of buddies and a few girls you are really good friends with went...what would your intentions be? screw them or be a friend like you have been?

She chooses to have guys friends and thats something you will have to deal with. No relationship is perfect and there will always be a challenge. This topic is a challenge for you and I am sure she has a challenge about you. You both are in a relationship though to be true to eachother and no one else. You have to believe that little theory right there and take what comes. If she messes this up then thats her fault and her lost but by her going this may cause a closer bond between you both.

Do you get along with those guys? give us more background on your relationship with them...

[Rich]

My wife was like that when she was growing up. She just wasn't into the cattiness that goes on with having girls friends. She preferred to hang with men and just deal straight on.

As for what or what not might happen on this trip, only you can guage. If what you have is solid and you trust her, then let her go.

It would be nice to know though, how she would feel if you went on a trip like that with numerous single women friends?

And to the point that all men are dogs and will try for your girl. I know that I would if I was one of those single guys going on the trip. If they don't really know you or care about you, then there's no motivation to not try and get into her pants.

I'd be putting moves on.

Rich

[PreciousYaya]

Well,
I Know exactly where you are coming from. My boyfriend is the same way with me. I had never had a bf till him, and before that i had a huge group of friends who were mainly guys. I can say i grew up just having guy friends, not because I think girls are es, but I was more of a tom boy. WEll now that I am in a relationship, my boyfriend is always getting mad when i go out with the guys or whenever they call me to see how I'm doing. I think he is just insecure with himself. HE needs to realize, and maybe you do too, that I am with him. He also needs to trust that he is the only one, and that I want to be with him. My guy friends are just friends and nothing else. I do hang out with single guys but they all respect me and know that I have a bf. Another thing, I always invite my bf whenever we all hang out and he refuses to go. I am not trying to exclude him from anything. It pisses me off that he says I dont want to be with him and that i'd rather be with my guy friends. First of all I'm inviting him because i want him there, he's the one that refuses to go. He says he doesnt want to go because he doesnt know anyone but its not like im going to leave him there, and he'll never know any of them unless he's willing to go out with all of us. Maybe then he'd feel comfortable after getting to know them and seeing that the relationship I have with them is just FRIENDSHIP and nothing more. BUt the whole thing here is learning to trust one another and to be secure enough about the relationship.

[smackie9]

Growing up I had mostly guy friends. Not one of them ever crossed that line even if they had feeling for me. Relax. Women are the ones in control of that stuff anyways. Trust her. She's all good. No worries. :o

[Rich]

Sometimes though, booze and drugs have a way of having someone lose control.

[xxsirvtecxx]

[QUOTE]I always invite my bf whenever we all hang out and he refuses to go

Yea well its different with me, even tho im a year younger then my gurl ( shes 20 and im 21...she goes to the bars and what not even tho she knows i can get in there due to the people i know) she doesnt offer me to chill with her and her guys...but when i go out regardless if its with my guyz or anyone I always ask her if she wants to come along just outta respect...plus i love her to death and anything I do we both can do. Just that my gurl sees everything as everything has to be hush hush between her and her guyz...and who knowz maybe these assholes are talkin shit behind my back...she talks to them more about our relationship then to me lately and thats just a bunch of crap...i just think that if your in a relationship you can talk to your significant other about anything and whoever you talk to and what you talk about there shouldnt be any secrets....cause that will lead up to arguements and misunderstanding...which in my case has done for me and we are seperated now...aiight well just typing about her just agrivates me...im going to stop haha, but you understand where im coming from.

[daveep]

Excellent replies thank you.
** She did Invite me, I just couldnt afford it.
** She cheated on me about a 10 months ago, its been super tough. Shes even offered to let me bang other chics to make up for it... Havent gotten around to that yet, i know its been too long. Trust was disolved, we built it back again.. but i still see the scares...
**We broke up yesterday, just in time for her to get her f'in groove on if thats what she wants, we're bothing hurting though, her more than I. But i think this is my only way to let it go. Ive been wearing the grudge like a crown of negativity...
**I am insecure
Do you get along with those guys? give us more background on your relationship with them...
I dont know most of them just old high school buddies. If i knew them id probly feel more comftorable, but it can be different when your not there.
Sometimes though, booze and drugs have a way of having someone lose control.
Yes sir it does, especially for the impressionable*

Growing up I had mostly guy friends. Not one of them ever crossed that line even if they had feeling for me. Relax. Women are the ones in control of that stuff anyways. Trust her. She's all good. No worries.
This is comforting and should be my attitude, but i guess the other issues are coming in to play here.

And to the point that all men are dogs and will try for your girl. I know that I would if I was one of those single guys going on the trip. If they don't really know you or care about you, then there's no motivation to not try and get into her pants.

I'd be putting moves on.
Exactly....

We love each other ... we really do. I dont know if what im doing is going to work but im still bitter and i need to let it go. its been 10 months and we still fight about alot of things that i know are fueled by my anger towards her. So i broke up with her to give it a rest and gain some perspective perhaps. Id like to think that me and her will reunite down the road..
Thanks everybody

[eightball61]

**I am insecure



When you mentioned that she cheated then my whole opinion changed about this idea. I know you mentioned that you broke up with her and maybe that was for the best. If she cheated on you 10 months ago and you both are still trying to deal with it she should no better not to be going on a trip with all guys. This right here shows how little respect that she has for you and this is why I mentioned you did the right thing.

You say that you are insecure but that mostly came from what she did 10 months back. Don't blame yourself for the breakup because this was something that was going to eventually happen. A lot of couples can't maintain a relationship of trust after a cheating thing happened. You both stuck it out though for 10 months. That to me show how much you really did care for her but shows little on how much she cares for you.

If you need us we are here anytime ;)

[Rich]

Being cheated on does kill the trust that a relationship had.

Some people can get over it and some people can't. It's ok no matter what side of that equation that you fall on.

Not getting over a cheating spouse does not mean that you're a bad or lesser person or that something is wrong with you. Some people can, some can't. They're both ok.

Maybe it's best that you broke up.

IMO it's not about getting over the cheating but rather dealing with the issues that caused her to cheat. What if you forgive and accept what she did but she goes and does it again because the underlying reason for her cheating in the first place wasn't addressed?

Something to consider.

Good luck. There's many awesome ladies out there to fall in love with. You'll hook up again soon.

Rich

[daveep]

im just going to kill her guys and this thread is motive evidence. Thats my final answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bdtraders]

lol, final answer.

Just have faith that God will do whats best for you. If shes not the one then it will never work, if she is then it will work no matter what happens. When its right , its right, when its wrong it will always be wrong. Follow your heart.

[eightball61]

Oh thats nice.....& that just proves right there that the breakup was the best thing to do. If you were to do an action like this then you would end up being single forever because you'd be in jail. There is never any reason to threaten to kill or suicide over a partner because the consequences are not worth it for one person when there are millions of other girls out there.

[Rich]

Not seeing a "LOL" or a happy face icon in your reply, I would be remiss to say that we ALL hope that you were making that statement in jest and that you are just joking.

Hopefully you are just kidding.

And btw....since you made that statement. If anything does happen to your GF now, it's considered premeditated. That means a stiffer sentence and more jail time. Something to consider.

As I had written in a previous posting. It's always better to think before you say. :-)

Rich

[daveep]

Ya i shouldve used one of those face thingys but yes... I Was KIDDING. Thats just how u feel sometimes, i would never actually do that for all the reasons yall stated.

[eightball61]

Thank You for clarifying that with us...I was very shocked to read that from you :p Sure we have anger and find ways to express it but sometimes words play off differently to the reader. When you feel angered or bothered just make sure you add those are just thoughts rather than leaving it the way you did.

Its all good though since you explained this to us and please continue with updates or things that are bothering you.

[daveep]

Thanks Eightball and everyone for the support, ya'll are good people.

[eightball61]

Thanks Eightball and everyone for the support, ya'll are good people.


Your very welcome and please feel free to update us or vent to us anytime because we will be here for you;)

[daveep]

Since theres no one here to physically stop me, im gona go ahead and lay down some of my other issues here. Im upset tonight and cant read my novel for LIT. "Mother of Pearl".
Even though were broke up, i still miss her a whole bunch and want to see her. But....

*why was i dating a 19 year old?(besides the fact that she calls me daddy and we have fantastic ,explicit verbel stimulation, role playing u name it)
*I know i dont feel affirmed ually yet and am jealous of women Or angry or something of thier command., and i want that! Theres only been one or two instances when i got the girl i wanted, and the others where what i got, what i settled for.
*It kinda feels like i want to get even... like I need to stregthen my self before i return to a relationship.
*Im somewhat of an introvert so the whole game is not easy for me. I find myself walking around at bars with anger fueling me and get frustrated with spoonfeeding girls attention quickly.
*What do i do with this anger?
*This anger was there before but could the infedelity be perpetuating It?
*As she matures and gets more indepentend, say age 21, Will we take those strides together or will
she skew?
A brief glance at my life: IM 24, JR. in collage,work at chilis, sitll live with mommy :rolleyes: Whatever right?
Just enjoyed this post so far and thought i see where else it could go.

[eightball61]

*why was i dating a 19 year old.


Why am I 23 and dating someone 17 for over a year and a half?

The answer is simple:

You loved her and I love my girl. You saw many things in her that you liked and you didn't mind the age difference. In fact, it got ignored because you treated her like a human rather than a child. You are a man for that....

You are just a bit confused over everything right now and its hard to make the mind set straight. The mind has its ways though to work things out. You just in a very confusing state and you dont know what to do at this time. You are so used of being around her and with her being gone you mind is lost because its used to having her around. Shes at the time in her life where she wants to play....She did that in the past and this trip still shows she is nt ready to settle. Trick your mind into thininking you did do the right thing. If you kept onto her then you mind would be into worse confusion because she will be creating stress to what she does and all the fights wouldn't be worth it.

Even though you are down try to see positive out of this like I just pointed out.

[Rich]

You're 24, she was 19 and she was calling you daddy to help you get off??? Or was that to help her get off? Either way, that's telling on one of your parts and should be addressed. It's sort of not normal at that age.

I don't understand the anger part? Why be angry? If you feel that you settle for left overs (girls), then be upset with yourself for doing that and not anyone else. You're settling! No one is forcing you to settle for anything.

If you don't want to settle, then don't. Go for the girl that most atracts you.

Is your anger right on the surface? Can others see it? Maybe that's why you're turned down.

I might suggest some counseling to work through why you're so angry. Sounds like you have a temper that needs to be addressed before you hurt someone or yourself.

There's no reason to be angry. You have your whole life ahead of you and statistically, there are more women on this planet then there are men. So you have more of a selection to choose from and chances to hook up.

Conversely, since there aren't as many men, the competition among women for "great, nice" guys, exist. Make yourself into a nicer guy then the next guy and offer more positives. You'll then attract more women to you.

Get rid of the anger.

Rich

[daveep]

You're 24, she was 19 and she was calling you daddy to help you get off??? Or was that to help her get off? Either way, that's telling on one of your parts and should be addressed. It's sort of not normal at that age.
Im not sure what your saying here. She liked to playfully cal me daddy,with and anywhere i think its fun and dirty.

If you feel that you settle for left overs (girls), then be upset with yourself for doing that and not anyone else. You're settling! No one is forcing you to settle for anything.
YES i understand. I think my anger is on the surface and its obvious. But! I have limitations as of right now.. With this paticular girl i dont feel like i settled but more she instigated and i followed up. I need to feel the other end more.

Shes at the time in her life where she wants to play....She did that in the past and this trip still shows she is nt ready to settle.
Hell i wana play still, im young. But we should have stuck together for spring break, would have liked her to have choisen to stay with me but thier were comunication problems and the trip was short notice and she bought tickets without me really knowing any details. So she couldnt back out having already commited.
The anger... ITs not always there but i think i have an esteem issue that makes me second guess what i do i dont know nevermind

[eightball61]

But we should have stuck together for spring break,


but she did cheat which ruined it all 10 months ago. When someone cheats all the trust is gone and its hard to ever trust again. If she didn't cheat there still would be an issue here but it wouldn't be the key focus.

[Rich]

I don't claim to be an expert or a doctor of psychology, but it seems like your GF is looking for a strong male figure to dominate her.

What was / is her relationship with her father?

I think either way that your GF is looking to be dominated or controlled by a strong male and that she'll always be that way. In her life, the stronger male will mostly always win out and she'll be persuaded to do what he wants.

I think staying with her that you'd always run into issues.

You say she cheated. How did that come about? Did you know the guy that she cheated with? Did he have a strong personality? You mentioned that you're insecure. That goes against what she is subconsciously looking for. My bet is that she would cheat again.

I would also bet that she wouldn't probably mind dressing up in a little school girl outfit in the bedroom as well. To be dominated by daddy, the principal or the powerful male teacher.

There's some issues there.

IMO

Rich

[daveep]

but it seems like your GF is looking for a strong male figure to dominate her.

What was / is her relationship with her father?

I think either way that your GF is looking to be dominated or controlled by a strong male and that she'll always be that way. In her life, the stronger male will mostly always win out and she'll be persuaded to do what he wants.

I dont think this is correct. Her parents are still married and her dads been there for her. She was a tom boy growing up. The dude she cheated on me with was a old friend who was "teaching her to play guitar" man thats perfect. She thought it ouful nice of him to take time out of his nothing life and be patient with her. She was just a slut with one person on her mind and no respect for me. This happened right after we flew to california together cause i have flight benefits and showed her a great time. Stupid selfish kid is all she was, she justified it by telling herslf i was playing her since i was so older than her.

But anywho ive got to deal with my anger and why i desire to defile most girls.

[eightball61]

Its just an observation to what we may think whats going on in her head but it could be something as simple as just going out to have fun without being tied down.....

[Rich]

Can you clarify what you mean by desiring to defile most girls?

Thanks,

Rich

[daveep]

I used, I used her right
Oh, yeah
Don't you give me no
Don't you give me no sh!t
I broke her open wide
Oh, yeah
Don't you give me no
Don't you give me no sh!t

Digging down deep in my conscience
Digging up something
Something nasty and white
Break wide down the
Down the middle and hard
I'll tear away what I came for

[eightball61]

huh? hmmmmmmmm....

[daveep]

I used, I used her right
Oh, yeah
Don't you give me no
Don't you give me no sh!t
I broke her open wide
Oh, yeah
Don't you give me no
Don't you give me no sh!t

Digging down deep in my conscience
Digging up something
Something nasty and white
Break wide down the
Down the middle and hard
I'll tear away what I came for

Defiled clarified

[Rich]

Don't give us the words to some rap song. What is YOUR definition of defile and what is it explicitly that YOU want to do to girls?

[eightball61]

Defiled clarified



Ok... but what does all that mean to you?

[daveep]

Don't give us the words to some rap song. What is YOUR definition of defile and what is it explicitly that YOU want to do to girls?

Its not a rap song ok, F rap. But its put better than i was trying to put it. I think its pretty clear and explicit the mesage here. I want to have my way with them and push them around a little. I want to get EVEN. Its that simple i think. U see i havent got to play much, im a late bloomer. I have a six year old daughter who lives in florida, which i had when i was at the ripe old age of 18. Never made an attempt to stick it out with the mother just cause she got pregnent. We were 2 months apart before i even got the word. Anyway at that point i tied myself down to a girl for 3 years 18-21. AFter that i had no relationship with any girl for almost 2 years.! I was dead. Then i meet this most recent girl Lori and You know our story. So I need to flush something out of my system.. Im trying to give yall something to work with.

Come on yall Know what im talking about

[eightball61]

Im trying to give yall something to work with.




The song or words you used didn't help much but what you have witnessed to this world is that there are a lot of duds out there. This girl that you dated may be something special but was a dud to what more you wanted. There is no point in waiting around for her. You will go through a few wrongs before you get that right match for you. Just hold on and take life as it comes to you. Don't rush a date....if you see an opportunity then take it.

[Rich]

Understand? No, not really.

You need to treat all people with respect and dignity. Women especially

The need for you to feel like you need to get even by defiling women just doesn't make any sense. Why?

Other then YOU getting a woman pregnant, what is there to be angry at? That you're a late bloomer? Then blame God.

There's no reason to feel like you need to defile women to get back at them, because no women did anything to you. Remember this in life, you control you and your destiny. Whatever happens in your life are from choices that YOU ultimately make or had made. So if you want to get pissed, then get pissed at yourself.

IMHO you really should seek counseling if you still have these urges to defile women. Do you think that these feelings might cause you to rape a girl if she says no during the course of fooling around?

I think you need professional help that you won't be able to get here. You need to work through these issues of wanting control, dominate and defile women.

Rich