Please help!!

[tallguy]

Hi all, I’m new to the forum. Basically I need some advice. I’ve been seeing this girl for about 3months, everything seems good we get on well see each other a fair bit and she seems keen to see me and be with me, we sleep over each others every week etc.

The problem is I asked her not long ago what are we as in are we properly bf and gf and its just us, i didn’t make it sound like she was seeing other people it was just a discussion. She said I is just us and she thought we were anyway so no arguement etc, but she seemed a little disappointed that I asked her weither it was just use and I said sorry didn’t mean it like that.

So I decide to go the dating website that we both have profiles on, I thought well the messages from the website are annoying me might close it down.

So I go one, don’t know why I did it but I thought I would look at her profile. Things is it has been updated new pics and new information updated a few days ago!!! I feel let down and shocked that she has done this as she said its just us.

I find it bad as it seems out of character as she is a very nice person, maybe I thought she was a different person to who she really is.

Here profile says nothing about having a bf or looking for friendship only etc

I don’t know what to do or say am I over reacting?
Does it mean she is still not sure and looking? But why did she say it was just us, no other plans etc?

Any advice please as feeling really down at the moment :(

[eightball61]

It was wrong to look into her profile but you both set this disaster up to happen. I mean you both are kinda together but still have profiles up on a dating website. If you both wanted more out of the relationship then those profiles should have been deleted. You are just in the wrong as she is because you went on to check your stuff and decided to check hers. Sure you are thinking about closing it down but you never did.

What you need to find out is where things are going. You both already had this discussion a little but you need to know exactly and if she cant tell you then maybe its best to move on because it clearly shows she is not ready for anything further yet. Dont' mentioned what you saw because that may push her away. Approach her with your feelings and what you want to happen and ask her how she feels. After that talk you should have an idea on where to go. I mean its either she is ready or she isn't. If she can't be straight foward and give an answer then she isn't ready.

[CalistaClap]

If the agreement is that you are together, not dating anyone else, then neither of you should still have a listing in the dating service. What need would you have for it other than dating someone else?

[Rich]

IMO it sounds like your GF is hedging her bet. She's dating you and keeping a line in the water to possibly keep some prospects on the back burner.

Afterall, you're only going out a few months. Far to early to tell if "this is the relationship for you". And quite honestly, how great is this relationship if by now you really don't even know if it's mutually exclusive?

Keep your dating profile alive too up until such a point that this relationship get more solid.

Rich

[smackie9]

Well the cat is out of the bag now! Instead of beating yourself up over it, you may as well confont her about it. This is going to make or break what your relationship really means to her. Best of luck. :)

[tallguy]

Hi all, thanks for the response well yes neither of us should have our profiles still I had honestly left my profile through being lazy, I just thought we were past the early stage of keeping options open it shocked me as to why she should update it.

I have asked her if we are mutually exclusive before I had seen the profile and she said yes, the difficulty is I know what she is going to say but I’m not sure how genuine the answer will be, I have read it again and it seems that she could actually be looking for male friends but the thing I don’t like is it’s a dating site I don’t want her going to meet these guys as I know for well what they want.

Quote rich ‘’ IMO it sounds like your GF is hedging her bet. She's dating you and keeping a line in the water to possibly keep some prospects on the back burner.’’

This was my first conclusion and that’s why I was upset as It has confused me as to what to do, I don’t want to continue getting closer for her just to decide that its time for a date with one of these guys, its just not fair as I’m not doing it to her and by her doing this it will stop me from letting her closer.

Im thinking of asking her and to remove the profile as we no longer need them as it gives a bad impression I will also (obviously) do the same probably I will do it first.

The thing is im not sure if it was harmless as she obviously like the idea of loads of blokes being interested, but knowing that she has obviously replied to them annoys me.

I will definitely confront her about it and see what she says, just not sure how I will ask her.

Thanks

[Rich]

One thing in life that we all need to remember, is that no one owes us anything.

Another thing to remember is that all that you can do is to control you and who you are as person. You can't control anothers actions.

IMO all that you can do is to make yourself such an attractive person to be with on all levels and have your GF make her own decision to not want to follow up with any other guy.

If you make yourself such a great person to be with and your GF feels this way about you, then she won't want to be with any other guys and will do things accordingly.

You talked about asking her to remove her profile. IMO you shouldn't have to do that. If you're the person for her, then she should want to do that on her own.

Again, all you can do is work on who you are and control your actions. If you're a great guy to be with, then there's no desire for her to look elsewhere. And if she does it's becuse there's just something else that she's looking for in a person. That's not a personal shot at you, it's just that all people are different and are looking for different things.

But I'll tell you what. If you're such a great person to be with on all levels, then other women will see that and want to go out with you.

When it comes to life......work on you, who you are and what you bring to the table. That's the problem in today's society, we all try to change other people and control other people. That's why we have such a high divorce rate and relationship unhappiness level in this world. Be concerned about keeping your own backyard in order instead of looking over the fence and commenting on your neighbors.

If you're a great guy, then women will want to be with you. And if they don't want to be with you for some reason, then let them go and find someone who will. You will. Because you're a great guy.

Look at it this way. Imagine if you made yourself into this magnificent work of art. Now everyone has their own tastes when it comes to art, but when you find that one person that treasures your work of art, she will TRULY love you forever. THAT will be a truly awesome relationship.

Rich

[eightball61]

This is why you need to close the deal and see where you stand now and will stand possibley in the future.