turn for the worst

[SLIM05]

well me and my girl friend have been having problems for some time im 21 and shes 18. my other threads go into more detail of the all the problems in the relationship. but last night it all came to a head, she had a attitude with me and stated there was a problem but she didnt want to talk about it. so i demanded that we talk about it cuz im just tired of nothing being resolved. so she exploded about how she cant stand me and she wants space abd how i can never make my own decisions. so i explained to her ive been trying to give her space but she keeps coming over and demanding me to hang out, i also told her if she doesnt want to be with me shes free to leave cuz simple put if u cant love me for me then dont love me at all. nothing she said in the convo made sence and she contradicted her self through out the whole conversation. i brought it to her attention u cant be tell me i cant make my own descions because the other day u were yelling about how i dont listen to u. but thats besides the point at the end of the talk i aksed her wut she wants from me and she couldnt answer me, and i also asked her what she wants and she says she doesnt know. so wut do i do cuz i have been giving her space, i dont even want to talk to her any more im soo hurt by this ive done everything i can to make her happy, shes not happy but wont leave either even though i gave her the green light to go, i dont get it?

[eightball61]

shes not happy but wont leave either even though i gave her the green light to go, i dont get it?


Then why dont you either kick her out or you leave?

You both have been havingto many problems that are just getting worse by the month. As I said before and sorry to say again but this women owns you. I am glad you stood up for yourself for once but she isn't used to that and thats why she exploded. You need to continue to stand your ground like that. It will cause a bigger mess but you need to show her that you are not her little puppy.

Since you gave her the green light why dont you use it? Take the time needed here apart. Stand up to her and tell her that you are out for a while or if its your place then ask her to leave. You have every right to leave. If you continue allowing her to own you like this things will never be resolved and you;ll be here every month posting about her....its your choice..

[SLIM05]

thanks eightball i appreciate the advice. ive definitly had it with this and im not gonna continue goin through this. we dont live together so avoiding her will be easy. im done with her pushing me around and her friends instigating our fights, i aint callin her so if she never calls me, last ngiht will be the last night we ever talk. im gonna concentrate on putting my life back together cuz i have given up so much for her. its not easy when u care for some one so much but i tend to look at it this way now if she cared about me y is she doing this.

[eightball61]

She is doing this because you allowed the control. What you need to learn is stick up for yourself once in a while. I was never the one to stick up for myself and many people took advantage of that. Most of my past so-called friends I am no longer talking to because I smartened up. Its ok to be a nice guy but when you find something not fair then dont be afraid to speak up. This girl has gotten accoustomed in running you because you aloud it. You just need to learn to put your foot down. You finally did but I am afraid to say its to late and will be hard to save anything unless she was willing to compromise.

[smackie9]

I think you should cut her off completely. You don't need to put up with that crap. And go ahead and tell her that!

[SLIM05]

well its over or basically over. last night she told me she wanted to be able to go out and flirt with other guys and see wut else is out there. which hey if thats her choice then what ever. but just last week she was tellin me how im the only one for her, i cant stand psychos. i told her fine do wut u want. she said she didnt want to break up but just to go on hold, i asked her if she was gonna hook up with other guys and she said she didnt know it depended on the situation. the after all this she calls me up before she goes to bed to tell me good nite and that she loves me. does any one have any thougths on this.

[smackie9]

It's a control issue. And in a way, it's mental abuse or mind games, whatever you want to call it. Like I said before, you don't need that crap. Do yourself a favour, end it.

[eightball61]

She called because she felt bad. She does want to go out and meet new people. She has told you this and the only thing you can do is accept it because nothing will change her mind. The only thing you can do is just move on and stop having her call so you can move on but its up to you on if you want that but it will just make things longer to get over her.

[SLIM05]

its funny how shes the one who wanted to meet new people yet has doen nothing though. unfortunitly she still feels the same way based on the fact she didnt do anyhting this weekend. i talked to her friend and her friend was telling me how much she kept saying she loved and missed me over this weekend and when i brought it up to her she said her friend was a liarer. i told her how much i missed her she didnt even care shes like i just think of it as another day i dont see u. ive been goin out and partying and hookin up with girls like crazy. ive felt bad and all about the whole situation cuz i still do love her but she gas given me the freedom to do wut eva i want. i have to say though this has been an eye opener for me about wuts important in life. my problem was i structured my whole life around her and put her before everything. i was wrong for that and thats a lesson i had to learn. i am now gettin back on track with school and trying to get my grades up cuz she always came before school and i never studied so i could spend time with her and help her with her home work. i also got in touch with alot of old friend who always asked my to hang out but i never did cuz she always wanted me to take her out. im in no way blaming her this is my fault for letting it get so out of hand. its definity made me a stonger and more goal oriented person and im actually glad this happened.

[eightball61]

its funny how shes the one who wanted to meet new people yet has doen nothing though.



Thats is true but you dont have to play into her game. I wouldn't doubt she misses you but if she wanted to be with you then the breakup would have never happen. She wants to seek new ground and see whats out there. She continues to talk to you because she may want to keep in touch and wants to slowly fade away rather than just drop you. She thinks she is doing a nice thing but its confusing the hell out of you. If you dont want this confusion then just tell her whats best. Talking to her and hearing what her friends say will not get you anywheres accept for hurt and confusion.

[SLIM05]

now she wants to get back together. im more confused then ever.

[eightball61]

now she wants to get back together. im more confused then ever.


Its all a game I tell you again....You may be confused and so isn't she. She isn't helping out any. This is up to you but my oopinion is just sit back and giver her the space she originally needed to get over things. There is no point in dating again if she is not ready and another breakup will happen.

[SLIM05]

shes told me how she bought me all this stuff for easter and my birthday, and making all these references to the future. im still gonna giver her space and all, its just such an extreme change from last week. i guess only time will tell, but this time around i aint takin any of her bs and running around like her little puppy dog. i could care less about any stuff she buys me i just want love and affection.

[eightball61]

its just such an extreme change from last week.


Change is something that takes time to soak in and make sure it is for real......

What I am saying here, my opinion still stands at giving the distance and dont date her yet. If she bought you gifts then just take then out of good will. It doesn't hurt to still accept those gift from her but you have to remember that gifts shouldn't buy love or someone heart back. She may have changed in the past week but her confusion may still be there and I am willing to bet that she is still rather confused.

Its up to you as I pointed out before but these are my thoughts and how I would approach this situation.

[smackie9]

Dear Slim05, She messed with your head when you were together and she's doing it now. This isn't going to stop unless you stop talking to her. You are letting her know that the door is still open. I think it's time to close it. Close all communication from her. Don't accept any of her gifts, it's just going to make her think she's in. Give your head a shake! If you start going around with her again, the same old crap is going to start up again. You deserve someone who isn't screwing with your head and making you all f*#@%-up!