riccar
08-08-2009, 01:10 AM
Hi folks,
I am going crazy. I am afraid this will compromise my health.
I cannot find the strength to leave my girlfriend. I am trapped.
Today we had an argument. There was no shouting but it was unpleasant nonetheless. The tension arose because I did not want to go for a walk in town. She behaved hurt and complained about me not spending time with her.
A little background. Last night we went out with her friends, we drank and danced till dawn. We had a great time. Note that we have also just come back from a 25 days long vacation on tropical beaches. Sun, snorkeling, friends, rum, swimming, sea-food. The works! This was my gift to her after having being away on a job for almost three months.
Note that last night too she behaved very impatiently. It was because I had told her that I was not going to party till dawn. Things eventually got fine as we started drinking and I forgot all about going home early.
People see me as a fine, successful, happy, sorted person, who leads and exciting life. Blessed by the company of an intelligent and attractive young woman. I am the friend people go to when they need advice. I go about life with boldness and a smile. I do sports. I party. Speak several languages.
The reality is that I feel broken up. Sometimes I slap myself in the face when I cannot cope with a scene she is making or when I am feeling extremely imprisoned. I have gotten to the point of punching myself quite hard in the head. Airports, bus stations, ports are the places I love because they signify freedom, anonymity, going away !!
My partner and I have been living together almost four years. She is 22, fifteen years younger then me. She is studying to be a dentist and I am paying for her education. I am committed to her studies and intend to fully support her at least until she finishes university. This is independent of whether or not we continue as a couple. We have talked about this and I have made it clear to her. I will financially support her even if we terminate as a couple.
However, part of my fear is that a break up might affect her studies negatively. For sometime I was afraid that if we broke up she would leave her studies, now I stopped thinking that. She comes from a rough background and I have become obsessed with the mission that she has to succeed in life.
She is possessive and demanding of my time. I am the type of person who needs to help others and I think that we have fallen into a daughter-father type of relationship. Which I would not at all mind if we could both see it that way.
I am attracted to other women, whilst I have completely lost sensual interest in her. However, I am extremely caring and show her lots of tenderness and love.
I find it hard to resist "temptations" outside of the relationship. And sometimes I do give up resisting, so to speak. I don't have another women, but I do see other people when I travel for work. These "escapades" never involve people I work with.
I don't feel guilty about it. At least I don't think I do. In fact, I believe that seeing other women is helping me staying in the relationship. She does not know about it.
She is quite jealous and I feel that her controlling behavior is compromising my mental health and my professional life. I have stopped inviting people to dinner parties to avoid having discussions afterwards. I never ever had an affair with someone who works with me. And never put her in the position to be jealous.
I encourage her to go out and see her university friends. She does, but then she blames me for not going along. She does not understand that I need time alone. And since I travel very frequently, she thinks that whenever I am at home, she has the right to control all of my time.
I want out of the relationship but I am terrified to see her suffer.
Anyone lived something similar to my experience???
Thanks for your help !
Love
R.
I am going crazy. I am afraid this will compromise my health.
I cannot find the strength to leave my girlfriend. I am trapped.
Today we had an argument. There was no shouting but it was unpleasant nonetheless. The tension arose because I did not want to go for a walk in town. She behaved hurt and complained about me not spending time with her.
A little background. Last night we went out with her friends, we drank and danced till dawn. We had a great time. Note that we have also just come back from a 25 days long vacation on tropical beaches. Sun, snorkeling, friends, rum, swimming, sea-food. The works! This was my gift to her after having being away on a job for almost three months.
Note that last night too she behaved very impatiently. It was because I had told her that I was not going to party till dawn. Things eventually got fine as we started drinking and I forgot all about going home early.
People see me as a fine, successful, happy, sorted person, who leads and exciting life. Blessed by the company of an intelligent and attractive young woman. I am the friend people go to when they need advice. I go about life with boldness and a smile. I do sports. I party. Speak several languages.
The reality is that I feel broken up. Sometimes I slap myself in the face when I cannot cope with a scene she is making or when I am feeling extremely imprisoned. I have gotten to the point of punching myself quite hard in the head. Airports, bus stations, ports are the places I love because they signify freedom, anonymity, going away !!
My partner and I have been living together almost four years. She is 22, fifteen years younger then me. She is studying to be a dentist and I am paying for her education. I am committed to her studies and intend to fully support her at least until she finishes university. This is independent of whether or not we continue as a couple. We have talked about this and I have made it clear to her. I will financially support her even if we terminate as a couple.
However, part of my fear is that a break up might affect her studies negatively. For sometime I was afraid that if we broke up she would leave her studies, now I stopped thinking that. She comes from a rough background and I have become obsessed with the mission that she has to succeed in life.
She is possessive and demanding of my time. I am the type of person who needs to help others and I think that we have fallen into a daughter-father type of relationship. Which I would not at all mind if we could both see it that way.
I am attracted to other women, whilst I have completely lost sensual interest in her. However, I am extremely caring and show her lots of tenderness and love.
I find it hard to resist "temptations" outside of the relationship. And sometimes I do give up resisting, so to speak. I don't have another women, but I do see other people when I travel for work. These "escapades" never involve people I work with.
I don't feel guilty about it. At least I don't think I do. In fact, I believe that seeing other women is helping me staying in the relationship. She does not know about it.
She is quite jealous and I feel that her controlling behavior is compromising my mental health and my professional life. I have stopped inviting people to dinner parties to avoid having discussions afterwards. I never ever had an affair with someone who works with me. And never put her in the position to be jealous.
I encourage her to go out and see her university friends. She does, but then she blames me for not going along. She does not understand that I need time alone. And since I travel very frequently, she thinks that whenever I am at home, she has the right to control all of my time.
I want out of the relationship but I am terrified to see her suffer.
Anyone lived something similar to my experience???
Thanks for your help !
Love
R.