militarygf82
08-11-2009, 04:46 PM
Here's a quick blurb on my situation:
I've been dating this guy in the Navy that I met online. We've been dating nearly a year (it will be a year in like 2 weeks). He was here for about a month in March and we seemed to get along well. We have been talking about getting married and such when he goes on leave again, which is going to be at the end of this year. Our plan is to get married so that I can go to his next port with him. He seems like he's really serious because he will always say, "I only want to get married once and I feel like you're the right person" kind of thing. We were planning to have two weddings....the first one is just for us so I can move to base with him, and the second one is with our families when we're more settled.
So here's what has me worried:
-It just feels like he's losing interest...he's not as romantic, not as attentive, and he just overall doesn't seem like he's attracted anymore. Like, he used to always wanna see me on the webcam (I know right. lol) and now all of the sudden he doesn't want to anymore. I asked him about it and he says he's still attracted, still interested, yadda yadda. I understand our "honeymoon" period is over, but I didn't think it would be to the point where I just flat out feel like he's not even interested.
-He hasn't yet told his dad that we're getting married. I guess he's told his friends, but he hasn't told his dad. I told my parents because i know they can't be there. It just kind of makes me worry. I talked to him about it and he said he'll tell his dad when he's ready and that me bugging him about it makes him not want to tell his dad at all. He said, "Oh, does me telling my dad make it a promised event in your mind? You can't trust me is that it?". I know it's a little thing, but it's kind of big for me especially now since I feel like he's losing interest I feel like he's going to back down.
-He has a history of being a dog. He's been with a lot of chicks (well I've been with 4 guys and he's been with like 24 girls....so comparatively it's a lot for me.) The thing is though, that when he was with his ex of 4 years, he pretty much straight up repeatedly cheated on her...and the irony is that he was going to propose to her and then broke up 'cause she cheated on him. It's like, what a hypocrite. Aside from that, I've been talking to him online for 4 years and he's almost always been dating someone, but has always flirted with me. When we started talking again after a long break he was dating a girl, but he was already calling me his future girlfriend and future wife kind of thing. He broke up with her pretty much to start dating me. It makes me wonder if he talks to other girls behind my back. He says he doesn't because he's never loved me like he's loved anyone else and I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he does have that history that I've seen. That and he's 9000 miles away. I trust him, or try my best to, but when he acts like this I get scared I guess.
-He seems completely unwilling to work things out anymore. Like if I bring up something he has a problem with his immediate answer is "If you can't accept me for how I am, then why are you with me." My thing is when we started dating he was sweet, and romantic, and just seemed so obsessed with me, but now when he talks to me I feel like he doesn't even care. He doesn't even apologize for upsetting me, but when we started dating he would do anything to make sure I wasn't mad at him.
-I know that if we move around a lot, which we will because he's military, that I have to be able to be versatile enough to get jobs, but I can't be in a stationary school (which means online school.) I'm trying to get my masters, but I know it's going to suck online. I pretty much took some time off work to go back to school so that I'm mostly done and not highly strung out when we do get married. But because I"m not working at the moment, he says he's afraid of me not working anymore and taking advantage of him financially. I'm an engineer and I'm getting my masters in structural engineering....even without my masters I made twice as much as him so it offended me that he would even bring that up....
I have all these plans that I had to do to sustain this relationship and I'm just trying to float along til we get married. I already bought my dress and all this other stuff and we picked out our rings and such. Just the way he's acting has me so worried though. I'm trying to control my emotions through some exercises because the jealousy and the doubt just isn't healthy...but just today the way he's acting has me worried so I don't know if I'm trying to look past something I shouldn't be...like is there really a big problem or should I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. His moodswings give me friggin whiplash though I'm not going to lie. There were points in time even a few weeks ago where I was considering leaving him because i didn't know if I could handle how he was treating me. It is long distance though and I know distance is tough. I'm just thinking it will be better once we're together?
Any insights?
I've been dating this guy in the Navy that I met online. We've been dating nearly a year (it will be a year in like 2 weeks). He was here for about a month in March and we seemed to get along well. We have been talking about getting married and such when he goes on leave again, which is going to be at the end of this year. Our plan is to get married so that I can go to his next port with him. He seems like he's really serious because he will always say, "I only want to get married once and I feel like you're the right person" kind of thing. We were planning to have two weddings....the first one is just for us so I can move to base with him, and the second one is with our families when we're more settled.
So here's what has me worried:
-It just feels like he's losing interest...he's not as romantic, not as attentive, and he just overall doesn't seem like he's attracted anymore. Like, he used to always wanna see me on the webcam (I know right. lol) and now all of the sudden he doesn't want to anymore. I asked him about it and he says he's still attracted, still interested, yadda yadda. I understand our "honeymoon" period is over, but I didn't think it would be to the point where I just flat out feel like he's not even interested.
-He hasn't yet told his dad that we're getting married. I guess he's told his friends, but he hasn't told his dad. I told my parents because i know they can't be there. It just kind of makes me worry. I talked to him about it and he said he'll tell his dad when he's ready and that me bugging him about it makes him not want to tell his dad at all. He said, "Oh, does me telling my dad make it a promised event in your mind? You can't trust me is that it?". I know it's a little thing, but it's kind of big for me especially now since I feel like he's losing interest I feel like he's going to back down.
-He has a history of being a dog. He's been with a lot of chicks (well I've been with 4 guys and he's been with like 24 girls....so comparatively it's a lot for me.) The thing is though, that when he was with his ex of 4 years, he pretty much straight up repeatedly cheated on her...and the irony is that he was going to propose to her and then broke up 'cause she cheated on him. It's like, what a hypocrite. Aside from that, I've been talking to him online for 4 years and he's almost always been dating someone, but has always flirted with me. When we started talking again after a long break he was dating a girl, but he was already calling me his future girlfriend and future wife kind of thing. He broke up with her pretty much to start dating me. It makes me wonder if he talks to other girls behind my back. He says he doesn't because he's never loved me like he's loved anyone else and I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he does have that history that I've seen. That and he's 9000 miles away. I trust him, or try my best to, but when he acts like this I get scared I guess.
-He seems completely unwilling to work things out anymore. Like if I bring up something he has a problem with his immediate answer is "If you can't accept me for how I am, then why are you with me." My thing is when we started dating he was sweet, and romantic, and just seemed so obsessed with me, but now when he talks to me I feel like he doesn't even care. He doesn't even apologize for upsetting me, but when we started dating he would do anything to make sure I wasn't mad at him.
-I know that if we move around a lot, which we will because he's military, that I have to be able to be versatile enough to get jobs, but I can't be in a stationary school (which means online school.) I'm trying to get my masters, but I know it's going to suck online. I pretty much took some time off work to go back to school so that I'm mostly done and not highly strung out when we do get married. But because I"m not working at the moment, he says he's afraid of me not working anymore and taking advantage of him financially. I'm an engineer and I'm getting my masters in structural engineering....even without my masters I made twice as much as him so it offended me that he would even bring that up....
I have all these plans that I had to do to sustain this relationship and I'm just trying to float along til we get married. I already bought my dress and all this other stuff and we picked out our rings and such. Just the way he's acting has me so worried though. I'm trying to control my emotions through some exercises because the jealousy and the doubt just isn't healthy...but just today the way he's acting has me worried so I don't know if I'm trying to look past something I shouldn't be...like is there really a big problem or should I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. His moodswings give me friggin whiplash though I'm not going to lie. There were points in time even a few weeks ago where I was considering leaving him because i didn't know if I could handle how he was treating me. It is long distance though and I know distance is tough. I'm just thinking it will be better once we're together?
Any insights?