Does this sound selfish?

[hurley]

Hello there :) I have been dating my GF for almost a year now. She in my eyes I think is the one for me and I want nothing more to eventually marry her and start a family with her.

Now here is the problem I am having, I honestly think she should for the most part put me before her family. I say this cause in the year we have been dating her family pretty much controls her life from her decisions to what she needs to do.

She is 22 years old and I know she wants to move in together in the future but I don't want to take that step till she starts becoming her own person, start making her own decisions, stand up for herself and stop letting her parents tell her what to do and like I said earlier start putting me before her family as I feel I am always battling it out to be with her cause of her family. Again am I wrong to feel this way?

[eightball61]

In some ways I feel you're right for feeling this ways but in some ways I feel you're wrong. I feel you're right because she is a big girl and needs to make her own decisions. I feel you're wrong in some ways because this is how she was brought up. She is probably very close with her family. This isn't a bad trait but can be annoying when trying to move ahead. It's not bad in its own sense because when you both grow and have children she will carry this bond and pass it on to your own children. Yes, it's good to have th espace to make your own decisions but only she can do this on her own.

[PrincessB]

Would I be wrong to assume that she still lives with her parents and you're on your own? That's the vibe I have from your OP. If she is living on her own then you are right in your belief she needs to assert a little more independence in her decisions. That is something that she needs to determine on her own and honestly your compatibility for a future does rely on her willingness to assert independence and your willingness to accept she may be moderately dependent on others (you or her parents) in the future.

In regards to your desire to be put before her family, you must accept that until you have put a ring on her finger you have no right to expect to be put first. I'm sorry but I would be more concerned if she prioritized you above her family before such a commitment is made.

[smackie9]

She's only 22. By 26 she will be grown out of it by then.

[hurley]

Would I be wrong to assume that she still lives with her parents and you're on your own? That's the vibe I have from your OP. If she is living on her own then you are right in your belief she needs to assert a little more independence in her decisions. That is something that she needs to determine on her own and honestly your compatibility for a future does rely on her willingness to assert independence and your willingness to accept she may be moderately dependent on others (you or her parents) in the future.

In regards to your desire to be put before her family, you must accept that until you have put a ring on her finger you have no right to expect to be put first. I'm sorry but I would be more concerned if she prioritized you above her family before such a commitment is made.

In regard to what I said about her family your probably right and I will accept I may be wrong in asking for that. As for her living with her parents the answer is no however she does live with her grandma because when she was still in high school she tells me she and her mother would fight like cats and dogs and never got along with each other. It was after she moved out that her and her mom is now getting along and being nice to each other.


I guess what I am getting at is I wish I felt important to her. I mean shes everything to me and I always make her feel number 1 in my life. I however feel I gotta beg or that she has to go out of her way to want to do things. She wants me to wait and live my life how she lives her and what not but I am sorry I am a independent person and I feel that when we do live together that all the decisions we make and do should be on US not what her parents and her family says like they do with her now.

[eightball61]

She's only 22. By 26 she will be grown out of it by then.

yeah maybe...lol

I agree though...lol most do however pending on how one was raised this could be an ongoing issue and if so then she needs to find herself an ex. alterboy as they seem family orientated.

[Rich]

You're not her husband. You're not supporting her and taking care of her. No she should not be putting you first! Get over it.

Maybe if you were engaged she should, but right now you're just another guy that she dating. "Just another guy" doesn't trump family.