What is my problem? Please look!

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I have been in a serious relationship for almost 3 years and most of the time it is the best thing ever. My girl is a full time student and works 30 hrs a week. She is busy. We fight about the smallest things all the time. She is very stuburn and thinks I point out all the wrong things she does. This is how stupid our fights are. She asked me to get a receipe for meatballs for my father yesterday. I called and got it. I told her how to do it and when I got home she did just about everything opposite of the receipe (like on the stove not baking.) She got extremely mad when I asked why she didn't do it the"right" way and pointed out that it was raw on top and burnt on the bottom. The fireworks begain. She thinks that I always tell her that she is burning something. It's the truth. She thinks since she cooks 2-3 times a week that I should learn to like whatever the hell she cooks raw, burnt or whatever. She is so stubburn or am I an asshole. She thinks I don't appreciate her but you have no idea the things I do for her. I bought her a car, taught her to drive, bought us a townhouse, I clean the house 90% of the time. Most men don't even do 1/4 of the stuff I do for her but I am the one who is an asshole. Sorry this is so long. Any insight would be useful . THANK-YOU.

[Rich]

At first glance it seems that your GF has some maturing to do.

The problem is that you two have let things go for the logest time without addressing them and now you're both at the end of your rope.

Now every little comment seems like a personal assault and the defenses go up and this has been going on for the longest time. Hasn't it?

To maybe get a handle on this before you have to end it, you need to have a frank and honest discussion with you GF. It's time now to either fix it or end it. Unless you like living this way?

Firstly, I have to ask you if you want to marry this girl? If your answer is yes, then do what I'm going to write about next. If your answer is no, then don't bother and break up with her. Go find another woman who will be more appreciative of your efforts, start from scratch and don't let things get to the point where this relationship is at. That's the easy way.

IMO what you need to do is to say to your GF that you need to speak about your relationship. Find some time that you both can do this and not be interrupted. Don't say this in a negative, nasty or condensending tone. Just tell her that you'd like to have an open and frank conversation about your relationship because you see it going down a particular road that is not healthy and that you'd like to try and redirect it before it's too late. That you love her very much and just want to make things better.

Explain to your GF that there's been hurt, nasty comments made and things done by both of you that have made the relationship what it is today. Ask her if she's truly happy right now?

Ask her if she honestly likes the way that your relationship is right now or if she would like to make it better. Who knows, maybe she wants out and will tell you. But if she wants to stay, then she should be receptive.

Explain that this is not the type of relationship that you envisioned, nor one in which you wish to continue. Tell her that you want you both to laugh and be happy with each other and not fight like you have been doing. Tell her that you'd like to resolve all the issues that have caused the hard feelings up until this point and start from scratch. Give yourselves a do over.

You can ask her honestly, if she is proud of the way that she cooks and if she HONESTLY thinks that it tastes good, or is she just getting defensive and fighting you just because she feels that she's always getting picked on. If her cooking is really as bad as you say, then she should be honest and say that maybe she can improve somewhat in that area. You can mentioned that you were offering advice and that it was never your intention to make her feel slighted or insulted. Apologize if you made her feel that way.

You both just need to work out how "suggestions" or "comments" can be made to each other without it coming across as criticisms.

Now's the time to also put your feelings on the table as to how unappreciated you feel after all the things that you've provided for her. But this is a sticky area because if she did not ask you to do these things and you took it upon yourself to do it, then she really, honestly, doesn't "owe" you anything.

Out of courtesy she should be appreciative of it, but all people are different. If her parents gave her everything that she's ever wanted, then on some level what you've done is what she expects. So think about that issue before you press on it.

The bottom line is that you both need to sit and talk. Be honest and clear the air. There are lots of hurt feelings on BOTH sides and you need to try and clear those and go back to square one and just loving one another and wanting to be with the other.

IMO, if you let things continue, then it will just snowball and then you have no chance at saving this. It's getting to the point that when one person starts talking, the other is not really listening and is already formulating a response in their head. THAT'S NOT EFFECTIVE COMMINUCATION.

God gave us two ears and one mouth because he/she/it wants us to listen twice as much as we speak. And that's a great thing to remember. Do more listening then speaking. Your relationship will be more the better for it.

Right now you both need to sit and figure out what you want to do in regards to your relationship. If you both feel that it can be saved and that's what you want to do.......THEN BE ADULTS AND DO IT. But if either of you truly wants out, for whatever reason, then you need to adultly separate. No hard feelings.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[eightball61]

When I cook, clean, do a chore, or whatever I never do it the same way I was taught to do it. I like experimenting and doing my own thing. She is not in the wrong for trying something different but she is wrong for getting as mad as she did.