Need advise

[day]

Hi, me and my husband just separated about five weeks ago. It was his choice I don't really understand it. We also have a nine month old baby girl. But anyway we have been fighting about everything you can think, he wants to do the property settlement like yesterday and I need time to catch my breath. To make matters worse I invited him over to have . I think a part of me just cannot let go and being intimate with him allows me to forget everything that is going on. And of course I cannot tell my friends or family because they would say I was crazy. Which I probably am. I don't know I am confused. I would do anything to save my marriage. Don't get me wrong I am young (25) and I know I could find someone else but I don't want anyone else. I just don't know what is the right thing to do.

[Rich]

So sorry to hear about your situation. That's really tough with the 9 month old and all. I wish you luck.

You don't really say what the reason was that he gave you for wanting to separate. What was it? Have you broached the idea of a marriage counseling?

Your situation is hard to comment on being that there's so much info that has yet to be shared by you.

Did you guys fight alot before the pregnancy, during the pregancy, after the birth or just after the separation? Does you husband know that women's bodies change during pregnancy as well as their mental condition because of the chemical changes that are taking place? And that probably you'll change back to who you were before the pregnancy (for the most part)?

How was the before, during and after? Did you have any? Was it often? What was his thoughts on it. Do you both like ?

From the way that your husband is acting by wanting to do things quickly (settlement), it can be one of two things, I feel. IMO I think that he might have found someone else. Or, I think that you guys had so many issues, that he was way past the end of his rope and he just wants to be done with this. That he's had enough.

If you can provide some additional info, it might help us more. BTW...when you offered for him to come over for , did he say yes and come over? It seems like yes by the way that you wrote it, but I am not sure.

I can see from your end wanting to, as a way of trying to get him back, sort of speak. But from his end, I can't see why he would do it. Either he still does have feelings for you (which is a good thing), or he's just shallow for using you for .

How long did you guys date or know each other before you got married? How old is he? Was having a child a scary proposition for him? Did he want to have a kid yet?

See if you can give us more.

Good luck,

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[day]

Rich - well he came home five weeks ago and said he wasn't happy and he didn't feel in love with me. He did this once before when we were married for a year. He is 26 and came from a single family home. His dad was NEVER in his life. His mother died suddenly 9 months before we started dating. We dated for 1 1/2 and got engaged and 1 1/2 later we got married. He has a very hard time communicating his feelings. He says that I changed once we got engaged. He says I nag a lot and that no matter what he does it is never good enough - like things around the house. I had no clue he was this unhappy before he left. Our life was good from my point of view. We were having it quite frequently. There are several things that we don't see eye to eye on but we always just accepted it. He says that I am bossy - which I can be. I don't hide my feelings and if I am upset I let you know. I honestly don't believe there is someone else - first of all he was always home - he doesn't have many friends and I checked all the phone records and there is nothing and he swears there is no one else and I honestly believe him. He said that he held everything in and that he ended up falling out of love with me. We did marriage counsel for almost a year when he left before and he does not want to try that again because he thinks it helped while we were doing it but he thinks we are who we are and we will not change. He came over twice this week and we had . We both said it was only and nothing more. He told me not to ask him to come back. I hope this fills you in on everything. My husband has never really communicated his feelings well and I overly communicate my feelings - at times I can be mean when I try to express myself. We both wanted children. We tried for a year to get pregnant. I will say that once the baby came it was harder for us. But I just accepted that it would be this way for a while. There was no more our time. Do you think I am wasting my time wanting to save this marriage. I don't know what to do to show him this is where he should be. I don't want to be pathetic and keep asking him to come home so I stopped doing that. Day

[eightball61]

Most people are confused that are in your position. You notice the mistakes you are taking and to help you through this confusion its best you hold on and take a moment for yourself. You stated you need to have a breather and that and space is what you need durning this seperation. I know you dont want to let go but giving in and allowing him to use you for on the side is not helping anything. If you both are on a seperation then you both need to be working together on what you want in the future rather than what you both been doing.