My girl's mums hates me (she's never met me)

[pankastank]

So I was married for a couple years once upon a time... got divorced 3 years ago. My current girlfriend and I started a relationship a little under 3 months ago. Here's the deal: Her mom hates me and her older sister hates me. Her older sister is friends with my ex wife. Her mom NEVER met me. All she does is randomly just start talking crap about me to my girl. This stresses and saddens my girl out. I feel sad that she feels that way because of what people think of me. Help me out guys..... I want to talk to her mom but my girl does not want me to. She thinks its a bad idea (seeing as though I have the gift of making people feel REALLY stupid). So I guess she doesn't want to risk it..... what should I do now????? I feel like going and talking to her mom behind her back but I don't want her to get upset with me. Help me out here...


- Miguel (the clueless polar bear)

[eightball61]

The polar bear can't be hibernating forever. At some point you will need to meet especially if this relationship was to grow. They probably just heard all of the bad from the ex and have a hateful opinion. It stinks things have to be lined up this way however they can be corrected once you meet and show her the bad wasn't true(hopefully).

[Diablo]

Eightball is right, this should take care of itself. However, with her wanting you to not talk to her mother, now may not be the time. Over time, this should work out.

[PrincessB]

I know how you feel. I am one of those people with the ability to make people feel/look stupid and I don't even realize it. That tends to get me in trouble often. At times we have to be more cautious of the things we say, how we say them and when we say them when it comes to sensitive topics. This is a sensitive topic.

How unfortunate that opinions have been formed by which likely preclude your current relationship and that is going to be very difficult to overcome. Something that too many people forget is that it takes two for a marriage to dissolve and bitter course words are often an emotional response rather than based on fact. Such as may be the case with what your ex may have said.

You are in for a struggle if your lady's mother is poisoning your relationship with unsubstantiated opinions.This could easily take a greater toll on your relationship because eventually people tend to believe what they hear when it is pressed upon them incessantly. Especially women. ie: Tell an athletic woman she is fat all the time and eventually she will believe it. ie2: Women will often give too much credence to gossip.

Such a battle is going to require a tremendous amount of patience on your part and strength on your gf.

I would vote against talking to your gf's mother. Especially without the knowledge of your gf. For a couple of reasons:

a) Your gf may consider such action as a breach of trust and respect after she asked you not to

b) This woman's mother can twist your words around or use them against you and without a witness it could result in disaster. Especially with your admission that you sometimes make people feel stupid. As you know, people become defensive and find difficulty accepting truth that opposes what they already believe.

As your relationship develops this woman will have to eventually accept you are not going anywhere. She may never accept you but may one day have to accept the situation.

She may never come around and if that's the case you have to be prepared to be the bigger person for things to work. I know it sucks that your character and integrity are being slammed by somebody important to the one you love but that may never change. All you can do is be in control by treating your girlfriend well and consider the source when it comes up that her mother is saying hurtful things about you.

You may try telling your gf next time that you would prefer not to hear it. When the time comes, if the mother becomes terribly rude towards you, respectfully exit the premises with some sort of excuse of an obligation you forgot about. If your gf asks whats up gently explain to her that you were respectful to her mother and do not deserve to be disrespected in return.