Frustrated, heart broken, angry, you name it!

[SimplyMe]

I've introduced myself in the Introduce Yourself section.

We've been together 20 years. We have 3 children. Youngest is nearly 13. Our relationship is on the rocks big time. I'm frustrated, heart broken, angry, depressed...

What's wrong? I have the impression of being a single mother living with a roommie, simple as that!

We don't kiss anymore. We don't cuddle. We don't have fun. We don't talk (really talk). He touches me when he wants . It angers me when he does that. We discussed this issue many times but he still does it anyway.

If we go out with another couple that is into holding hands, he will hold my hand. Otherwise he usually walks in front of me (when out with the kids). He spends most of his free time on the computer, fixing things, reading the news. Then he watches the news on tv. He suffers from insomnia so he spends lots of time on the sofa, listening to tv.

I'm in charge of everything and he doesn't do much around the house. I have to ask him and, after a few days, I end up doing whatever needed to be done. When we eat dinner I talk with the kids. My husband is always in his own little universe. He rarely takes part in the convos. As soon as he's done, he's back on the computer.

Now I have a complete hatred of week-ends. I can't stand the sight of him. He told me many times if I'm nice things will improve. What have I been doing all these years???! I feel I have been the only one responsible for our relationship. Fed up now. I don't feel appreciated. I don't feel loved. We tried counselling but he hates it, finds it stupid. We stopped.

My husband says he loves me. It's easy to say you love someone out of habit I guess. This is not how I had planned to spend the rest of my life. I'm 41, I'm still young dammit, but I live the life of a 75 y/o.

Sorry, needed to vent.

SimplyMe x

[eightball61]

Many relationships end up settling like yours has. You and your husband have got sooooooooo used of being around eachother you both forgot how to be cute and romantic. Many couples seek guidence like counseling to help them out but even the cutest thing can get things back on track. You both have to be just creative.

Last night I went beyond beign romantic but before I went to go see my girlfriend I bought her a pair of earrings and necklace. We read our weekly journals to eachother and after words I gave her a gift. She cried but felt happy about what I did. She hates it when I spend money on her but sometimes its not a bad thing to do to show a person you care rather than words. Money doesn't buy love but it does show a lot to a person.

[AlexCrystal]

This must be hard on you, I know. And I'm sure you can only imagine all the other women in the world in your same boat. Counseling would be your best bet...but looks like that isn't going to be easy when it comes to having him participate. Therefore, you aren't left with many options.
I would try to speak with him again about the status of your marriage.... does he think it's going well? And if not...why doesn't he want to try and improve it?
If he thinks things are A OK and has no interest in changing...you are in for many more years of misery...I hate to say. I would really push for counseling for both of you. If that isn't an option....you need to think of what will make you happy long term...or what you need to do to be happy again.

[Rich]

Unfortunately you both fell into the same trap that so many married folks fall into. The trap is getting caught up in the day to day rat race of working, paying bills, worrying about finances and raising children, that you forget to "stay in love" and to take care of each other.

I've been where you are. Two people living together with no spark. It blows and it's quite depressing actually.

Basically what it comes down to is asking your husband if he's happy and if this is the type of marriage that he wants for the rest of his life?

And quite honestly, if you've been caving into him and having with him, plus doing all the work around the house, then he just might be happy if things stay status quo.

What you need to do is to stop having with him. Cut him off and mke him realize that there is a problem.

If you both come to the conclusion that this isn't the type of marriage that you want, then there are only two recourses. One is to fix it and try to get back to how you were when you were first married (assuming here that it was good :-)), or the other is to respectfully, maturely divorce.

You're right, 41 is way to young to live your life the way that you're living it. Your hearts dead and that shouldn't be. Why live maybe another 40 to 50 years like that? Don't.

Either fix it with your husband or leave him.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com