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View Full Version : Were Done !!!! Sorry I was Mad.


bdtraders
03-12-2005, 08:58 PM
Well as you have read from my previous posts me and my GF have had our ups and downs. Last night and today have been one real rollercoaster ride. Last night me and my mom got into over something stupid. My mom told me I was just acting moody because my " of a girlfriend" was there. That made it worse and me and my mom exchanged insults the next 15 mins. Me and my mom made up and she apologized to my GF (its been a year and my mom wants nothing to do with her). My GF was upset and so was I because that talk was uncalled for by my mom, especially in front of my GFs kids. We drove home and i could tell she was bothered (rightfully so) When we went to bed I apologized for my mothers actions and told her it was uncalled for and told her i was on her side. I told her that she never has to deal with her again, but i would request she would go to my Grandmothers funeral when it happens. (shes in the hospital dieing of congestive heart faliure). She sais she didnt know, because she didnt want to be in a situation like that again. I said i understand but a funeral i would like her to be there for me. She said she would see, i told her we would avoid mom. She said we would see.
The rest of the night she avoided me, locking herself in the bathroom alot and when we went to bed she rolled over and tottaly ignored me. I asked her why is she mad at me, and she said she wasnt, i said then why is it for as long as i can remember that anytime nothings worng you fall asleep near me and place your hand on my chest, she got pissed off, rolled over and slammed her hand down on my chest.
This am we got up and she joked with kids and the pets and when i said something it was just YES or NO answers. We went to her sons ballgame and she avoided me there. I walked to go move my truck closer and when ig ot back she was all pissed off cause she said she had been calling me. I told her I didnt hear her, and she said Bullsh** everyone heard me except you. I told her i was zoning becuse of last night and the fact that she was avoiding me today. she laughed and said "whatever were done" That through me for a loop. I asked what and she said we are done. I said why and she said cause we cant get along. I walked away and her sister told me to relax that her sister (my GF) wasnt being reasonable. About 20 mins later i approached her again and asked her if she trully wanted to end things and why, she said yea dont you, i said no we have been having some really good times lately. She said she wasnt gonna come between me and my mom and i told her that she is my family now that is why i gave her a ring last sunday. She said whatever were done. I walked off leaving her sister there to talk to her. I went out to my truck and she had left her purse in it, so i walked back to her and gave her her purse and she took off the ring i gave her and handed it to me. That killed me, i burst into tears right there and walked off. Her sister came and talked to me and told me not to go anywhere and to give her the ring, she went and talked to my GF and then said my GF would come talk to me in 5 minutes. My GF walked over and said " what do you want". I was like, "You" she said its not gonna work out so why fight it. I said ok i cant argue and walked away.
When we got home i walked into the garage and she was there and she aske dme why i disrespected her in front of her friends. I told her i didnt hear her and i was trully sorry i was zoning out about all the recent events that are hapineing in my life. I asked her if she trully loved me and she got mad saying "yes why do you question that" I said becuase you took the ring off that i gave you on sunday and handed back to me and its still in my pocket. She got mad and said fine give it to me, and put it back on her finger. I asked her why she couldnt look at me while we talked and she said cause she felt bad for hurting me and i deserve better then a person like her so why dont i leave. i told her cause I love her and i see the good in her. She never cryed once about this today while i balled like a little girl, even had to sit down on the floor at one point cause i felt dizzy and had chest pains. She had to go to work , and told me she loved me and that I should be ok, I told her i wasnt sure anymore how she felt about me after she gave me the ring today and seh said shes sorry she hurt me. She left for work and I called to tell her about a road closure near our house. She seemed all pissed off so i let her go. I dont plan to call her today while shes at work, and its like if i call her i feel as though i gave in to her control game, but if i dont call her then seh gets mad and tells me i dont care. I dont know what to do, I love her with all my heart, and she claims to everyone (sometimes even me on good days) how much she loves me. Shes been bragging to everyone about her ring i gave her, but today she was so quick to giv eit back and say we were done, im scared now that she relly dosent love me. I dont know what to think. She said that she gave me the ring back cause she was mad and upset and people do dumb things when they are mad, well if she realized it was wrong adn stupid why didnt she ask for it back. Shes the type that will let herself fail then admit being wrong sometimes, even in regards to us. Her sister told me that my GF will say something seh wont mean like she did today, but WILL NOT try to fix it when seh relizes the mistake was made, she would rather be alone then make up.
What do I do, I love her and the kids, but i am trully lost now. Does she really love me or was that a sign that our relationship is nothing to her?
Sorry this was so long, i coud really use some help.

eightball61
03-13-2005, 04:33 PM
i told her we would avoid mom. She said we would see.

^^ IF you do this then you would be allowing her to win and over rule you again. Your mom shouldn't have gone the way she did but someone needed to say something to her or about her. You are still allowing her to control you. You have put your foot down once and compromising to her on ignoring your mom is not the way to go.

Ignoring you mom won't fix your current relationship. You both have tried to build but failed. The way she is she will always not be able to hold a relationships because a guy will not go for that. Going back to her is your choice but like in the begining you know my thoughts to this whole thing.

bdtraders
03-14-2005, 05:33 PM
We still live together and shes wearing the ring again, she took it back that day, when we got home we talked, I am just really confused of her feelings because she says I am the only guy she wants or will have for the rest of her life, if its not me its nothing. She also said that she dosent deserve a great guy like me and why do i stay with her, i said because i love you. But we havent broke up, im just trying to figure out why she did that that day after my mom got pissy at her. It was out of line for my mom to act that way in front of small children, she can say whatever she wants to my GF but not like that in front of the kids. My mother and my relationship is another therapy topic another day, (basiclly never new my dad, and my mom was the person that gave me birth, she choose to be with other men and booze then raise me, her sister and parents raised me more. when she got remarried to my current step dad, he said it was either him or me ( i was 12) and she kicked me out to go live with relatives). So needless to say we arnt close like a mom and son should be. But back to me and my GF we are still together , i just relize she was hurting on saturday, but it killed me to and i told her that and she said she was really sorry the last few days, just that she got very mad and hurt herself. But my main problem now is just scared if I am what she really wants, even though since then she keeps reassuring me that i am everything to her. Even to the point of acting like a fool out in public to make me smile (something she never does). Im just scared.

Rich
03-14-2005, 06:05 PM
Your GF is immature and stubborn. Realizing that you're wrong but failing to admit it or to apologize for something are signs of just that.

You can hope that she matures into being less stubborn, but it takes work and a want to do it. Can she? Does she want to? Be real about her and your answer to those questions.

We're all proud, stubborn and hate to admit when we're wrong, but successful relationships can't have that. Those are negative personality traits that need to be corrected if you're to have a happy and successful relationship.

Good luck,
Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

bdtraders
03-14-2005, 06:28 PM
Yea she realizes she is all those things, but at times like we had on saturday she wont budge. Only will she admit she was stupid after a day or two when her mind is clear. Or like she did that on Saturday, then on sunday am we went to church and in sunday school we had a little huddle group where we talk about our strength and weaknesses and she confesses that she needs to stop being so stubborn and wishs she could change and that at times she pushs the ones closest to her away and shes scared to loose them (me) but also at the time is to stubborn to do anything about it at the time.
But yes her pride and stubburness really hinder her at times, and they do effect our relationship at times. She does notice it and i can say that in some aspects of our relationship she has opened up more and become more free, she used to have to do EVERYTHING herself around the house, now she lets me help. She used to also NEVER tell me how she was feeling. Now she does. She never used to catch her tongue sometimes but since my last BIG talk with her she catchs her tongue alot. So i do see some changes but the two big things we are still battling. We have made arrangements to meet for counseling with our pastor in august for a few months, so we shall see if we can make it till then.

Rich
03-14-2005, 06:42 PM
Cool. Glad to see that your GF is aware of her issues and is at least trying to work on them.

If you can see her trying, having success and a light at the end of the tunnel, then stay with it, if the time frames work for you.

If all other things are cool and she's trying, then have at it. It's when they stop trying and caring. That's when it gets hard to decide to stay or go.

Good luck,

Rich

bdtraders
03-14-2005, 06:52 PM
and thats the main point for alot of my confusion, we can go days where everything is cool and shes loving and cool. Then in the flip of a switch she turns cold and avoidant, like i am the last thing that matters on this earth. She does this to not only me but her kids as well. On sunday i took her and her daughter to go get thier nails done (i drove , she was paying) and when we got there they went to the nail place and i went next door to guitar center as we had planned. 10 minutes later her daughter came in saying that her mom was in a mood and told her she couldnt get her nails done after all and that she needed to go hang out with me. I see it in person with her and the kids or her family from time to time also, she will be cool then the light switch flips and shes mad or distant and cold.
It boggles my mind cause she will get moody with say me, but if friends or family come over shes nice the them, then when they leave or hang up the phone shes back to being cold to me again. Then either hours or days later the switch will flip again and shes loving and nice. If i bring it up when shes moody shes like whatever, i know im a .
Its funny i have purposly acted the same way towards her at times and she gets all bent and denies that she has ever treated me like that, and when i say no you do she dosent see it.
I understnad peole have mood swings, hell i do, but i never stop making the perosn im with feel loved, and i have never experienced that before either. It has always been , yea they are cranky but i knew they loved me. When she gets moody for some reason i question it. She even has told me, just becuase i become a dosent mean i stopped loving you. So sometimes i think its just me

eightball61
03-14-2005, 07:03 PM
Thats why I am saying its either you make a stand and do what you say your gonna do rather than threaten things that you don't do...she has got you under control.......

Rich
03-14-2005, 07:39 PM
Maybe she's bi-polar.

My ex-wife was like that. Exactly like you describe. Her ob-gyn even prescribed a mood leveler because with my ex, life was either a 1 or a 10. Just extremes with no middle.

Her doc felt that maybe with the birth of the children it affected her chemically.

Something to consider. Maybe it's like that with your GF.

You need to decide if you can, need or want to live like that. She could be a great girl when things are good, but your heart is yearning to be happy and it's not right now. Which is why you were sort of led to come to a site like this. You heart / soul/ angels/ guides are talking to you right now and I think deep down you know that you can't live like this?

Good luck.

Rich

bdtraders
03-14-2005, 09:05 PM
Your right I cant live like this when its the bad times, when its the good times, or the ok times, or the just cranky times im ok, but when its the times that im shut out it scares me and makes me feel very unloved.
I think i stick around out fo the own problems of the fear to be alone and never find anyone to make me happy, and the also the fact that i have seen some changes in her that even others mention are awesome. Like i said sometimes we can go a few weeks of it being normal, but then 1 or 2 days its like arrghhhh. At the beginning i was the one that was always saying screw it im leaving and never would. Now its her that says we are done when we get in a fight.
I know my main problem is a very spastic brain, it works non stop always thinking the worse of every situation. I investigate as a living and always look fro wrong doing and i think i carry that over into my personal life. I always question in my mind EVERYTHING and if its not how i think it should be then i freak out and worry or get emotional, when in reality it was nothing at all. Trust me im sure it sounds like i bash her alot on her but i know i have ALOT of my own faults and demons i need therapy over. I have even told her i need therapy and she laughs and says no you do your fine.
Heres an example of how i over react and think about things. We had our fight on saturday, and before we went to work it was pretty much fixed. We didnt talk much during our day at work ( we normally call each other or text each other) and she got off 30 mintues before i did. She called me when she got home and said she was leaving to go get starbucks ( 2 min from the house), I got off 30-35 minutes later and went home, she wanst there and her daughter said she had been gone for over a half hour. My mind went um ok, so i called her cell phone, no answer. I waited 10 minutes and tryed again still no answer. I got worried so i went over to starbucks and her truck was parked farther away then normal. Once again my mind went ballistic. I got out of my truck and when i was doing that she walked out of starbucks and was all happy to see me. I told her i tried to call her and she said she had left the phone in the truck while she went into rite aid and to starbucks (duh truck was parked halfway between each.) I said oh ok i got worried, cause i hate her going out at night alone in that area (which she knows is also true)(but i didnt say i was inseure and my brain was screwing with me). We gave each other a kiss and we got in our trucks, she sat there and i was like WTF and said screw it and went home, 5 minutes later she came home and came in the house, she had been in her truck writing me a note she had bought at rite aid, she had also stopped before all that and got me dinner.
That is just an example of how i get over paranoid and i need to knock it off.

eightball61
03-14-2005, 09:33 PM
You get paranoid but she is stubborn....What you see here is that we are all not perfect. You know what you need to fix and she needs to know what she needs to fix. Maybe you both can fix it maybe you both may not beable to fix. You are very caring but you need to put a foot in. You are paranoid because you are afraid of her leaving but look at how many times you both got back together!!!! You both need a huge fixing. There are many problems here and eventually it will lead to a breakup for good. If you want it to be all good then you need to notice your paranora and make a change about it. The other thing is that she needs to do the same. You both are on very thin water and its best you both coporate durning this time but I think it will be to hard for her to see your view of things. I prey for the best though and hope you both can work something out. If not then you know it wasn't meant to be....

Sorry about this view :(

bdtraders
03-14-2005, 09:48 PM
:)

Nothing to be sorry about eightball61. Thats why I am on this group. I want peoples 100% honest thoughts and opinions. Sometimes the truth hurts but lieing hurts a hell of alot more, so never be sorry for your truthful opinion. I have yet to disagree with anything you have said.

eightball61
03-14-2005, 10:26 PM
:)

I have yet to disagree with anything you have said.


Thats good that you are as excepting as you are but sometimes that is what puts you in your situations. When gathering thoughts and opinions its good to be excepting to others thoughts but you have to rememeber when you dont agree with something or how something is done you need to step foward to voice an opinion. Then after you and that person can talk things over to see eachother views...kinda like your situation :p

This situation is not about winning but its all about respect. You are trying not to be mean by putting your foot down but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If this can't make her realize then I don't know what would.