I Feel So Stupid Right Now!

[eclecticone]

Hey all:

Brief history of my relationship: dated this person in '99 i moved to another state and we tried the LDR which lasted for a yr. I broke up w/him b/c I was 21 and wanted to "live life." We've kept in touch and last yr after a really bad relationship ended we decided to give it another try. You know more mature and we should have had all the fun we wanted to have. Well we've been together a yr now..still doing the LDR. I've been feeling very lonely (alot) lately since I don't see him but maybe once or twice a month. And I'm the one making the trips to see him. But it's no excuse for what has happened. I said I would never cheat, never wanted to cheat. I want(ed) to have a relationship where there is real love & trust. Well I just screwed that up...yeah i'm a dummy..i made a huge mistake. I'm 27 now and I would've never thought I would make such a screwed up decision yet I did. I've been reading some of the relationship posts and been crying my eyes out (even while writing this post). I guess my dilemma is whether or not to tell him. I honestly don't know if he will leave me and I sure as heck don't wanna hurt him either. It's so bad b/c this is someone I want as my husband and the father of my children. Guess I should've thought about that earlier. Any criticisms or advice?

[AlexCrystal]

Listen,
don't tell him. If you love him (which I have to question because you cheated on him in the first place) I wouldn't tell him...especially if you have zero desire to be with the guy you cheated with him on. If you want to marry this guy...you need to make a commitment and promise to yourself to NEVER EVER cheat on him again. I know some people on here may tell you to tell him and face the consequences....but if you do and he decides to forgive you...he will NEVER forget it and it will probably cause tension here and there for the rest of your relationship. I just think if you really love this guy and want to "keep" him....then DON'T TELL HIM....but you better shape up and NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

[eightball61]

We all make mistakes and learn from them. If you were to keep this in then you would be lieing to yourself for ever and lieing to him. You stated that all you wanted was a relationship of trust and honesty. You will not accomplish this if you keep it in. It may ruin the relationship but you will learn from it. What you will is not to cheat again(hopefully) and maybe keep relationships close because you need that close bond. It has been proven that you need a close relationship and not a distant one.

I am going to go against the grain here but its all up to you. I think you should tell him. Telling him may ruin the relationship but it may show to him honesty. I am sure if he did the same thing you would like to know. Its hurts you now but if you both ever decided marriage or whatever this is something that will continue to haunt you. You won't be able to hide what you did. Things will be worse if you hold it in now and tell latter. Its always better to be truethful. Even though the outcome may not be what you want but its better now than latter.

[chizel]

I feel you. I just cheated on my gf. I somehow ended up kissing some chick, on a night out at the bar. Then I didnt call my gf that night either and tell her what i was doing and she was home being worried about me. Weve been together for 7 months soon, and i love her, and have been living with her for 6 months. I dont understand how i could have ended up in a situation kissing some girl, but i did :(
I told my girlfriend last night. I told her because I had given her my promise of truth and faith. As I ed up the other, I could not call myself a human being unless i told her the truth.. I really hurt her. she feels disgusted by me, and told me that out of all the ppl she wouldnt have ever doubted me. but still i betrayed her. I love her so incredibly much and i am so scared that now that ive hurt her ive broken something important we had. I have never done anything like this before. I am now up at 6 aclock writing this cos i cant sleep anymore, and i dont know what to say to her anymore.
My eyes fill with water when i think how scared I am, about loosing her. I dont know what you should do in this kind of a situation. but thats what i did. And I would say that any relationship based on honesty and truth deserves the truth.
I do not know what else i can do except what i did, tell her the truth, and ask for her forgivness.

:(

[2BDMD]

LDRs will do that to you! I'm telling ya, I'm not a big fan of LDRs. We need that physical presence and I'm about to embark a LDR here myself pretty soon.

Listen, your post did sound pretty bad, but exactly how bad is it? You said you "cheated", but did you have or did you only kiss? There's a huge difference. If you didn't go all the way, girl, your relationship maybe salvaged. There are definitely different levels of "cheating" in my book.

BTW, as a guy who's about to get into a LDR, I just want to know, what made you cheat or give in to another guy. We, guys know that there will always be guys trying to hit on our girls, but what really make you girls give in to these guys? Was it just loneliness? You missed ? Shoot, if you can't make it with seeing your beau twice a month, man, I don't know if my GF and I will even see one another once a month when our LDR starts!

Did the guy that you cheated with, did he try to get with you for a long time? Was it a one night stand? Man, I'm just curious about what make you cheat? Sounded like you're a pretty strong willed girl and knows what you want in life, please do share why you cheated. Much appreciated!

Good luck figuring out what you're going to do. Personally, as a guy, I rather know that my girl has cheated than not knowing. I don't want to be in a fake relationship. Look forward to hear from you.

[eightball61]

And I would say that any relationship based on honesty and truth deserves the truth.


:(


Thanks for sharing your story here with us and this post. I agree with your statement above a lot. You did the right thing and told her. Even though you croosed the line you figure out being mature and telling the trueth is the honest way to go. There is no point trying to hide or be something that you are not. You did betray you girlfriend but lets hope she sees the real man in you on you telling her the trueth. Making her trust you again will be a a challenge and if the relationship fails after giving it a shot trust would be the reason why.

[Rich]

IMO you should tell him and let the chips fall where they may.

Yeah, you screwed up. So pay the piper. What kind of marriage do you think that you'll have that's built on a lie? Won't you always be worried that the truth will come out one day and then where will you be? Maybe married a few years with kids and then divorced when he finds out? One lie always begets another. Why go that route?

IMO it's always better to tell the truth. Not that it's easier, but better.

Who knows, maybe after you explain why you did it. You know, that lack of physical company and affection, that maybe it'll drive your BF to expedite his actions to be with you.

But then again, maybe he'll feel that he won't be able to ever be away from you because you'll feel lonely and cheat on him.

I think you really need to figure out why you "cheated". Maybe you don't have what you think that you have. You need to be honest with yourself. Obviously your inner guides / angels let what happen, happen. They didn't give you the strength to say no for a reason.

If is your issue, then get a or to help get you off and rid yourself of the ual urges that you have. And don't get me wrong because we all get ual urges and there's nothing to be ashamed of voer that. You just need to figure out why you did what you did. There's more to it, I feel, then just a ual release.

Rich