lettin go of the past

[aliciabryan2002]

my b/f and I got an apartment together. I love living w/ him, he's so much fun! I kinda wanted to do this before we got married just to see if i'd be able to put up w/ him or not. hehe And I can, all is goin well cept for that one little thing....Im still havin probs lettin go of his past when we were split up and he slept w/ another. If you dont know the story, i'll make it short here...he had been drinkin, and he had w/ this girl *that he wasn't even attracted to nor wanted to be with* 3 times (not that the number of times matters). He regrets it, to him it never happened...thats how much he regrets it. I did the same thing, slept w/ another guy while we were apart, he's let that go. It's all up to me now. I use to have a huge jealousy problem, i'm gettin alot better at that. If I can just get rid of this problem here, i'd be set....

any advice would be most helpful!

btw, i'm a newbie! Hi my name's Alicia!

[eightball61]

Its hard to let go but he didn't do anything wrong. this happen during your split up. You can try writing in a journal of your thoughts. I do the same thing and it has helped me out a great deal. I wish I had better advice here for you but maybe as time passes so won't this but you dont want this getting in the way of your relationship. Its ok to be bothered by it but you dont want to hold it against him and throw it in his face....that will ruin things.

[Rich]

Is that the only other girl that your BF ever slept with? Has he only been with you and that girl or were there others before you?

If there were more than just you two, then why are you putting more emphasis on him being with that girl. Consider her like any other girl that he'd had been with. It's in the past and over. Ones ual history is just that, HISTORY.

How many guys have you slept with? Was it just your BF and that other guy? Or we're there others?

Right now your making your feelings superior to his. That you're more important than him. In a great relationship both partners treat the other with equality.

You need to accept that you were both free to see other people and you both did. If you're going to be disappointed that he slept with someone else, then also be disppointed in yourself as well because you did the same thing.

You need to live in the here and now. The past is the past and you shouldn't even bring it up. Look forward with your BF and not backwards.

Rich

[aliciabryan2002]

Rich, he's just been w/ me and that other girl...same for me, i've just been w/ him and that other guy

[Rich]

Sorry, I can't view that url from the machine that I'm at. I'm sure that you make a lovely couple.

Sending a url picture of you and your BF to a bunch of strangers shows that you're proud to be seen with him and to be with him. That should tell you something about your subconscious feelings about him.

It seems like you're just going to have to accept that you both did something that can be viewed equally.

I WAS going to write, did something foolish, but who am I to say that and why does it need to be labeled negatively any way? I'm sure that it didn't feel bad when you fooled around with that other guy then, so why try to re-write it now. Same with your BF. What was, was.

If you get pissed at him, then get pissed at yourself for doing the same thing.

The good thing is that we can never stay mad at our selves. :-)

So forget and accept what he did just like your forgetting and accepting what you did.

And there is nothing to beat up over. So you both had with someone else? Big deal. Another flavor to experience, that's all.

Rich

[valueprep]

The past is just that.....If you take it for what it is meant to be then you will be using your lessons learned and keeping good memories close. However, most of us have a lot of trouble keeping the bad memories at bay.
I wrote a very popular article about this very subject and I think it would be extrememly helpful if you were to read it. http://valueprep.com/past-future.html In addition, feel free to read any of the other free articles there also.

I hope you can come to some degree of closure with your past.

All the best,
Brian Maloney, - ValuePrep.com

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