emi285
09-07-2009, 01:00 PM
I met this guy at school and we were together for 2 1/2 years. We were so in love and we got on so well together... He's about 18 months older than me and I am quite mature so it worked out brilliantly. He was also my best friend before and during the relationship...
The last few months however were riddled with depression and constant tears, but we still loved each other and wanted it to work out. But then it came to breaking point November 2008. To this day I'm not sure exactly why... he sorta blurted out excuses about moving away to France, going to Uni in the North, but he wanted to stay friends. This was hard, and it hurt so much I thought about suicide, but eventually I got better. We could be friends again and we went out with our other friends to see movies and stuff. We still had feelings for each other, I know, but I had just about stopped missing him. But then in April 2009 he wanted to get back together and (foolishly?) I jumped at the chance because he said he wouldn't hurt me again... after six days he said he wasn't coping with an intense relationship and the stress was making his depression worse. So he ended it again. I had to start from scratch because I wasn't cautious and gave myself to him completely again. Now we're in a band together and meet up to practice, and he's always said he likes being with me. At practice he always singles me out for jokes, and throwing things at me playfully. He's sometimes very soft and sweet towards me, and used to talk about our relationship with fondness. Then sometimes I don't exist to him. One of my friends said that all those were signs of denial. Yesterday we had a photoshoot for our band and he did all those things, and we even talked about meeting up outside of the band. But today he's got a girlfriend- a girl he's known for longer than me and had an on/off relationship with. She also hated me for a time because I 'stole' him from her.
My feelings have been coming back for him recently, and I love him as much as I ever did.
What he's doing is confusing me and hurting me, but I don't want to stop being friends, at least, and I don't know if i should tell him how I feel or not because I don't know if he feels the same way... I have been in denial myself and have told him I don't care anymore...
Sorry for making this such a long post, but there is so much to say still!
Any advice would be appreciated
The last few months however were riddled with depression and constant tears, but we still loved each other and wanted it to work out. But then it came to breaking point November 2008. To this day I'm not sure exactly why... he sorta blurted out excuses about moving away to France, going to Uni in the North, but he wanted to stay friends. This was hard, and it hurt so much I thought about suicide, but eventually I got better. We could be friends again and we went out with our other friends to see movies and stuff. We still had feelings for each other, I know, but I had just about stopped missing him. But then in April 2009 he wanted to get back together and (foolishly?) I jumped at the chance because he said he wouldn't hurt me again... after six days he said he wasn't coping with an intense relationship and the stress was making his depression worse. So he ended it again. I had to start from scratch because I wasn't cautious and gave myself to him completely again. Now we're in a band together and meet up to practice, and he's always said he likes being with me. At practice he always singles me out for jokes, and throwing things at me playfully. He's sometimes very soft and sweet towards me, and used to talk about our relationship with fondness. Then sometimes I don't exist to him. One of my friends said that all those were signs of denial. Yesterday we had a photoshoot for our band and he did all those things, and we even talked about meeting up outside of the band. But today he's got a girlfriend- a girl he's known for longer than me and had an on/off relationship with. She also hated me for a time because I 'stole' him from her.
My feelings have been coming back for him recently, and I love him as much as I ever did.
What he's doing is confusing me and hurting me, but I don't want to stop being friends, at least, and I don't know if i should tell him how I feel or not because I don't know if he feels the same way... I have been in denial myself and have told him I don't care anymore...
Sorry for making this such a long post, but there is so much to say still!
Any advice would be appreciated