Boyfriend say's he needs time, what now?

[Eu4oria]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs. Overall our relationship is great...we have just been struggling with money, car, and living problems lately...which of course has added stress. We had a fight about 2 days ago...and I take majority of the blame for the cause of the fight. I love him more then I ever thought possible for me, and he says he loves me still, and I do make him happy...but he says he needs a couple days to think things out. How should I respond? Does this mean a break-up is looming near? I feel crushed, hurt, confused. I feel like I got blind-sided...we were happy as could be days following up to the incident, then BAM! I'm headed for heartache. Please help! Men's advice greatly appriciated! -Danyle

[Spaaron]

Give him the space he needs and maybe check up on him at times like give him a call or see him once in a while. Have you had any other fights previously and how often? Because if the fights are usually because of something small and it just erupts then there is a chance he is thinking whether he can handle it anymore also whether you could be the one he wants to stay with? If he still says he loves you i'd say he's being faithful and honest, don't rush anything but give him time and space he needs otherwise things will just get worse.

[jenrobsdad]

From my own experience when a guy starts feeling stressed about money, finances, etc that can really bother him. He probably still loves you and is just worried about the financial stuff. It's tough in today's world to make sure we are taken care of financially and society puts that responsibility mainly on a man. Think about something... Has he changed in the way he is toward you as far as intimacy? I think if he wanted to break it off you would see some subtle signs. Most rational people just don't walk away from a 2 year relationship without some sort of signs of change. You just don't fall out of love and break up overnight. If that was the case then he probably does not love you in the way you should be loved for a life long relationship! Give him the time, tell him that you love him and as hard as it may be wait it out.

[isconfuzzled]

Please hear me out, I'm very confused and I've tried a LOT of things to make this better. Thanks in advance for reading.


The situation:

I'm 21, my boyfriend is 22. We've been together for 1.5-2 years, and we both love each other deeply. We live in a single apartment together, and have been living together for about 1 year (minus this past summer).

***I have never been in another relationship before****

I love him with all my heart, and we have long term plans to be together.

The Problem:

I'm extremely jealous of the ex, and it's been ruling my life and our relationship in many ways. Despite this, we've held together and have been working through it together, but I know it's MY job to figure out how to get over this jealousy but I don't know how.

I know way too much about the ex. He met her at the end of his senior year in high school. They were a primarily long distance relationship, but they ended up becoming intimate. They had almost every day for a month or two or three. Then they went distance again, and she ended up sleeping with someone else. They broke up. I came in 2 years later.

I did not know they were still talking. And... they were talking EVERY day online. I found out 6 months into our relationship.

When I found up I was VERY upset. I've not quite recovered from that. He has since broken ALL contact with her.

I online stalked her for a while, in part out of jealousy, in part trying to UNDERSTAND.


I understand that their relationship was not the same as ours, that he didn't love her like he loves me, that I should be glad because through that experience he became the man I know today.

But I get so upset, so furious, so insecure when it comes to my head - and it comes often. The picture of them together, him biting her ear comes unbidden. Thinking of them having , thinking of all the things he did with HER. All the things that were my firsts, that were SPECIAL AND NEW to me but NOT to him. Special yes, new only partially. And I am so INSANELY JEALOUS :mad:!



Please help if you can, any advice is appreciated. I know I sound pathetic.

THANKS AGAIN for reading.

[tinkerbell]

I would say take a step back, act 'aloof'. If hes said that to you he obviously knows youll sit around waiting til hes ready to talk. Perk up a bit, make a date with friends and show him you wont sit around stewing til his command. (Even if you are!)

[Eu4oria]

It was a fairly crushing 2 days, but I guess that's as much time as he needed. I left him alone, and spent much needed time with family and friends...1 1/2 day later he called and said he missed me! lol! Still though...I hated how the whole "waiting" thing made me feel. Empty. But, the silver lining was that I realized how much I do love him and how next time before I start acting a fool...I'll think about whats at stake. I don't feel whole without him...(WARNING:over used mushy phrase ahead) Well, because he complete's me! I really appriciate all of your help! Thank you...Very much! Jah bless!