Please read and give me some advice i am desperate

[Vanya]

I have been married now for 3 yrs . My marriage is not a happy 1.
But the root of my problem at hand is my old friend. I have a friend who is off the opposite we have been friends for about 9 yrs now. Since the day i meet him i have had feeling for him. I could not act on them because i was involved with his best friend and pregnant i might add. I could feel there was a mutual attraction. No thing was ever done about this i was with his friend for 5 yrs and we had 2 kids in that time. After his friend and i split up we had a affair. We hung out all the time and very much enjoyed each other mentally and physically. It was not possible to have a relationship because of hius friend and my ex. So i got envolved with my now husband. Two months into our relationship i found myself embracing my old friend while my new boyfriend was out of town. I stopped it from going further then kissing and said it wouldn't be right. I told myself that i made a decision that day to let go. It was hard. But soon he got envolved with someone else and that made it easier cause he wasn't around as much. I still thought about him alot though. 1 1/2 yrs later his relationship ended and he found that he had lost contact with the people who mattered most to him. I was 1 of those people and it all surfaced for me again. Know i wonder all the time about the decision that i made. I now have 3 kids and live in a different city. I really feel like i love this other man. Last night i had a dream he was in a terrible accident and he was dying. I dropped everything to go to him so i could tell him how i feel. It makes me wonder if i should get this off my chest, I don't know if he and i could ever be a couple. But i feel like it is eating me up that he doesn't know how i feel . What should i do?

[DanielStandish]

Follow your heart. I'm not married, in fact I'm only 15. But I know that love is probably the most powerful force in this world. It can build new lives, as well as tear them apart. I suggest you follow you heart and your true love. If you truly can't stop thinking for this man, then I think you should believe in him and yourself and get together with him. It won't be easy giving up your new boyfriend if you felt for him and love him too, but it's a sacrafice you have to be willing to make. How much does this guy mean to you? Is he worth you giving up your current boyfriend? If you stay with your new boyfriend, you'll never stop thinking about your other friend, and love will eat you right up. Trust me, I know I'm only 15, but I've felt this same love before and I know that it is extremely powerful and not to be played around with. I don't know if I've helped you out at all, but that's my two cents worth! Any questions...post them.

[Ricksta]

Although you feel that this has everything to do with him, this is about you. This is about your life and you need to get your life together before making any decision because you have got a lot to think about, including your children no doubt.

There is no advice to give on this subject, not when you are the only person who knows what is right for yourself so before anything, think about it like this. Are you interested in him from the result that you are afraid to lose him or are you truly in love with him for his heart?

The future is uncertain and it is an inevitable part of life, but sometimes it isn't about what we should do because sometimes it is about what we can do instead and when you make a choice from what you can do, the best way to make that choice is to be completely honest with yourself with questions that are genuine to your life, to your inner self.

[buffalobill]

Well i am not sure how your relationship is right now with your husband, but if it is a good relationship then these feelings but stay where they are, in your head. If your relationship is rocky, especially because of the feelings for this other man, then i think you should really act on your feelings for him. You must do what will make YOU happy. There are only a few times in life you have to be selfish, being happy is one of them. Best of luck to you in your decision. Hope i helped a bit....

[CalistaClap]

Is there somethng lacking in your current relationship that you are thinking that he can fulfill?

You need to seek happiness and peace for yourself. Don't live you whole life and look back and wish you had done it differently. You only live once, and it should be as happy as you can have it.

If you choose to stay in your current relationship, then i suggest that you seek counselling and try to get this other man out of your head.

If you choose the persue the other man, then stick with your choice.

Remember there are 3 children who will be affected by your decision. Choose wisely.

[cherklatch]

I think you really got some good advise here from everybody and Calista summed it up best. Every action creates a reaction. Sometimes its only the hunt that is adventurous. When you win the prize you may not want it and throw your marriage away for nothing. The grass is not always greener as they say. If you still have love in your heart for your husband, and he is willing to listen to your legitimate concerns, get help and try and salvage your marriage. You have children involved. If the love is gone you need to move on. Right now, I wish I didn't love my husband anymore. My decisions would be so much easier. Everything that is right is telling me not to love this man anymore but I can not shut down my heart, especially when I know the problem rests with the fact that he has some mental issues. If he got help, he would feel so much better about himself and it would heal our relationship. And you thought you have troubles. Trying to lighten everything up - just kidding - I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck.

[financialjoo]

Sometimes it is nice to dream...But that is all this is. A fantasy. Enjoy the dream as long as you want but dont throw away love for the possibility of love.