dad not called

[thoumas]

hi, my father has been in iraq for a year and now he is back. the day after he got back he left again to go on vacation with my step mother and my half brother and half sister. the only words he told my brother were "im home, and now ur free rain of terror is over" and he didnt even call me. (i am living with my grandparrents bc my step mom kicked me out) so basically we havent talked in over a year and i dont know how to call him (he doesnt have a phone, his work furnished it) andmy 16th b day is on sept. 23. so what should i do about this. i dont even know what i can do. my step mom has called my older brother (who is home alone) so i know he COULDcall if he wanted to

[uqksmall]

Hi there,

This is not about you, so please do not feel that it is your fault.

Parents are quite complex creatures and may try hard to do the right thing by their kids, but fail miserably at it.

Believe in yourself and remember you are worthy of a phone call, even if one does not eventuate.

This is their failing as parents.

I suggest you plan a great day for your birthday with your grandparents and other people whom you enjoy being around on your special day.

Unfortunately parents screw up alot, and hopefully when you are one, you will treat your children with greater respect and dignity than you are being treated right now.

My parents were absolutely awful as parents, they loved me, but had no idea how their actions were hurting me.

It is about them, believe in yourself and your own uniqueness and individual greatness, and if the only thing you can do is to make a decision to not treat others the way you are being treated now, than perhaps that is all you can do.

It is not possible to control other peoples actions. You can tell them that not contacting you has hurt you deeply and that you want them to spend time with you on your birthday, but ultimately they will choose to respect your wishes or not.

Their choice is about them, their inadequacy, their inability to be truly unconditionally loving parents. Its all about them.

Hang in there, you can make your life what you want it to be and one day you will be an adult and things will get better.

[eightball61]

uqksmall~ Great Advice!!!




thoumas~ Happy B-Day :)


If it's been about a year since you last talked and you're stepmother turned you away then it's sad to say they are about themselves and themselves only. For whatever reason your father is being selfcentered and this could be why your parents are originally divorced.

As you grow older & learn you too will see the faults of your father. He is family and still your father. It's ok to respect him however you will learn not to bend over backwards for him since he doesn't for his own children. This man "may" one day come to realize his loss but again that will be his loss and not yours.

[Rich]

It's hurtful and painful to see children purposefully neglected and hurt by parents. I know that divorce is tough and children go through alot of pain that they don't normally like to discuss even when parents try to ask. New step moms and dads go through alot and hopefully a nice "friendship can develop with the step children as trying to act as the parent often causes a backlash. Real moms and dads can't be replaced.

I don't know all of the particulars but your dad should never neglect or forget about his biological children. I'm sure that there's more to why you're living apart from them, but a parents love never dies or goes away. At least it shouldn't.

Try to keep your head up and hopefully the relationship with your dad can be repaired. At a miminum you're learning a valuable life lesson for when you become a dad and what kind of dad that you want to be. You might be getting the short end right now, but your children will be the better for it down the line.

We often times not only learn from what our parents teach us and tell us, but we learn from their actions, both good and bad.

Good luck to you and HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! :-)