dopaminefiend7
09-24-2009, 04:41 AM
Hey so i'm new to this whole thing but this has really been bothering me so here we go...so my ex and i first dated about 2 years ago we are both in recovery...i was his first real relationship along with being the first girl he ever said I love you too...his mom and i were super close and she would always tell me how strange it was to see him being in a relationship...he had actually told me from the beginning "I never let anyone get that close" and my response literally was "Well we'll change that" ....i know healthy!...anyways....he randomly broke up with me after a few months and never really gave me an explanation.......i was heartbroken and just didnt understand...i finally let go when he moved to seattle and i had a solid year to move on....well of course as fate would have it he moved back randomly..and then added me on myspace...as soon as i saw the friend request my heart was racing...next thing i know hes IMing me the next day and then from then on started to leave random comments on my page and would continue IMing when we were both on...this was all new to me because before I was ALWAYS the one to chase him and make the first move or contact...finally we talked on the phone for FOUR HOURS!! he kept bringing up every detail of our past (the good things) and we laughed and had a great connection...a couple days later we hung out....and he kissed me i told him i was afraid..he asked why and i told him he just left last time..he explained that with where he was at in sobriety at that point it just didnt feel right..and was sorry he never explained that to me but he understood why i was afraid...i told him i knew we hadnt established what we were doing and i was ok with that but we need to take things slooooow..he agreed ( i should mention to you at this point he only has about 2 and half months of sobriety i have 2 and half YEARS..) he said he himself wasnt sure what was the right decision on where to go with what we were doing...so we just continued hanging out and pretty much dating he called every night and he was actually taking me out on dates which he NEVER paid last time around...i did because he was unemployed...and even now he was tight for money but would still take me out..he still didnt have a car so despite me driving us places he would fill up my tank..and always make sure to ask me if i needed anything or would just get me something when he did for himself..very sweet..of course you can only take it slow for so long when you've already been with someone so we had ...he could not finish..we tried 3 different times and it just wouldnt happen...i was very sure to be observant of if he was going to start to be distant when this happened but he was still very affectionate and close...i was surprised because in the past he had always hated being touched when he slept and had even mentioned the last girl he dated annoyed him because she was constantly touching him and while he slept...but he would wrap around me when we slept...in fact i was the one annoyed because it would be hard to sleep with him all over me...but it was nice...he would wak eup and kiss me in the middle of the nightafter our last ual situation he brought me over to his moms to hang out for a bit and she had invited us to come to dinner that sunday i watched him and he seemed to look scared?? i told her i had to work and he said "we;ll see whats up" which is an annoying response i hate ...he called me a day later but i was on the phone with an upset friend and said id call him back....i couldnt get a hold of him for the next couple days (he doesnt have a phone so i have to call the house and if no ones there no answer) last time he had called was a friday then finally friggin MONDAY he calls...and sounds SUPER DISTANT i asked what his schedule was that week and he said he worked all week which had never been a problem before? i was like ok so what mornings nights...? i told him i was off the next day and did he wanna hang out..he said he was maybe gonna hang out with this guy but he wasnt sure he'd give me a call...that night i broke up with him through email ( i know i suck) I said "Hey i dont think we should keep doing whatever it is we're doing..im already seeing red flags and honestly i have too much on my plate right now to worry about this (fulltimeschool) I know we never established what this was but i dont appreciate being left in the dark for a few days i deserve more consideration than that i wish you all the best...take care....he read it and never responded...i feel like i should have talked to him first or something but it felt like he was about to bail anyway...i love him so this really sucks...
i sent him a letter saying:
hi..so i got scared and I’ m sorry I just bailed on you…I didn’t even try to talk to you or ask if everything was okay with you. I was just so badly hurt last time*****and I did not want to feel that way again so as soon as I saw the slightest bit of a red flag everything in me just said to RUN! I care about you so much and I want nothing more than to at the very least just be a part of your life. I also didn’t want to interfere with your sobriety as I always tend to do. Obviously there are feelings between you and I that no matter how much time goes by never seem to fade and that has got to mean something. Despite never really having a set plan I so enjoyed those few weeks we spent together. You were so affectionate and attentive and treated me better than any other time we were together and I can’t begin to tell you how much that meant to me. It was definitely appreciated and noticed. The bond that we share seems stronger to me than any other relationship I have had solely because it is a sober one. Every laugh, moment, word is meant and remembered which also makes it that much harder. For once I don’t even know if I really want to be in a relationship. Anyways just know that my backing out was nothing to do with you personally not that it matters now, but I hope there is still a chance we can be one day be friends.
thing is i do want him back but i didnt really want to send my heart over only to be sent back..i love him and of course he HAS NOT responded to my email which was over a week ago...i dont know what to do..if i were him i wouldnt have responded either...because i wouldnt want friendship only..helppppp
i sent him a letter saying:
hi..so i got scared and I’ m sorry I just bailed on you…I didn’t even try to talk to you or ask if everything was okay with you. I was just so badly hurt last time*****and I did not want to feel that way again so as soon as I saw the slightest bit of a red flag everything in me just said to RUN! I care about you so much and I want nothing more than to at the very least just be a part of your life. I also didn’t want to interfere with your sobriety as I always tend to do. Obviously there are feelings between you and I that no matter how much time goes by never seem to fade and that has got to mean something. Despite never really having a set plan I so enjoyed those few weeks we spent together. You were so affectionate and attentive and treated me better than any other time we were together and I can’t begin to tell you how much that meant to me. It was definitely appreciated and noticed. The bond that we share seems stronger to me than any other relationship I have had solely because it is a sober one. Every laugh, moment, word is meant and remembered which also makes it that much harder. For once I don’t even know if I really want to be in a relationship. Anyways just know that my backing out was nothing to do with you personally not that it matters now, but I hope there is still a chance we can be one day be friends.
thing is i do want him back but i didnt really want to send my heart over only to be sent back..i love him and of course he HAS NOT responded to my email which was over a week ago...i dont know what to do..if i were him i wouldnt have responded either...because i wouldnt want friendship only..helppppp