Age Gap

[qpmomma]

Hello, everyone. I'm new.

I have a question to ask you all. There's this guy that I'm seeing who I REALLY like. He's wonderful. The thing is he's 16 years older than me. It doesn't bother me or him, but I'm worried about what my friends and family will think. Do relationships work when there is a big age gap? Any advice on how I could introduce him to my family and friends with out them freaking out would be VERY helpful.

Thanks a bunch.

[eightball61]

Two things here:

1. He could be happy to have a younger piece

or

2. He is truelly meaning to you in everything thing he means. If he wants a future with you and you want the same then go with it. The only way to find out if the age is the issue is when you both get more settled into the relationship.

Age differnces can and also may not be a factor. The only factor I see in place with age difference is that he has been though alot more than you and he may treat you like a child through the relationship. You can try things out but make it known to him that you want to grow together rather than single things out because of age issues.

My GF is 5 years younger than me and at times I have seem myself trying to push her to be older than she is but I had to take a step back and allow her to live and learn life at that age like I did. Its good to have the guidence of someone older but the only ways for someone to learn is allow them to learn and not hold them back.

[Rich]

How old are you? Your answer will guide my response.

Rich

[qpmomma]

I'm 20 and he's 36. He has been married twice and has 2 kids. His oldest is 15. I've met both his kids and he says they like me. So far he's treated me like an adult and not a child. He's really an amazing guy. I am absolutly CRAZY about him!

[Rich]

You seem old enough to understand right from wrong and to have somewhat of a clue of what I'm about to tell you.

Age has nothing to do with whether a relationship will work or not because age is irrelevant. Some older people act like children and some younger people act very mature for their age. It's all in the individual and we're all different.

There is not going to be anyway to nicely break your BF to your family. Right away on the surface they're going to be leary of him and they're going to think that you can do better then a 36 year divorced guy with two kids. With one of the kids almost as old as you. They might even resent him. Your father most probably will as that's not the life that he pictured for his little girl.

So you're going to have to make a choice. Either choose to be with him, accept the stares, comments, possible isolation and scorn from you friends and family, or choose to not be with him because you can't accept walking into mothership day one and you don't ultimately see it working long term with this guy. And if you look long and hard and don't ultimately see it working out long term, then you might want to avoid any uneasiness with your friends and family by not even bringing him around.

The bottom line is that it's your life and you have to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. Don't let people live your life for you. You'll never be happy that way. Do what you want.

Ultimately, relationships work out when two people can offer each other love, respect, honesty, maturity, understanding, kindness, trust, communication and quite a few other things. As you see, age isn't on that list.

IMO though, a 36 year male with two kids going after a 20 year old girl??? On one hand he's getting a nice 20 year old girl to play with ually for awhile, but if he's looking for a wife, then one would have to question his selection. The chances of a marriage to a 20 year old girl lasting long term are slim to none and he should logically recognize that.

So...is he after you for or a LTR?

Rich

[qpmomma]

Rich.....

Thanks for your post. It really gave me a lot to think about.

I've wondered about the issue as well which is why from day one I told him I wanted to wait until I am married to have . I figure if he pressures me then he wants me for and I'll end it. So far he's been a real gentleman about it and he told me he respects me either way.

[bdtraders]

I dont agree with Rich 100% that it could just be about . Maybe he actually does care about you. Just sit him down and tell him that you like him more then just a fling, and if the only thing he is after is a romp in bed then to be a man and confess it and you would be more then happy to go all night with him in the other room (call his bluff and see if he bites). He might actually just want you for you. It might be hard to believe but some guys do want a good woman, and maybe your that good woman for him. Take it day by day and see where it leads you. Age is just a number.

[eightball61]

It may not be a total 100% to why he may want her but its a possibility we can't rule out. The main point here is she has to dig at this guy and see what he truelly wants. She's madly in love with him and may get a broken heart but thats why she won't know till she knows. Its time for her just to open up that can of communication and see about the future.

[qpmomma]

She's madly in love with him and may get a broken heart but thats why she won't know till she knows. Its time for her just to open up that can of communication and see about the future.

WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD ON HERE! I did NOT say I was "madly lin love" with him. I'm not "in love" b/c I don't believe in "falling in love." All I said was I LIKE him. You are freaking me out a little here with the "love" talk. If it works out with him then great, if it doesn't then I hope we can be friends. I mean, I've only been dating the guy for 2 weeks. Let's hold off on the "madly in love" part for a VERY long time.

[eightball61]

I am absolutly CRAZY about him!




Wrong choice of words but you are CRAZY for him as stated above. Sorry for the jump on the "love" subject and I didn't mean to let the post take that course. Please disregard that statement and lets work off from the fact that you are CRAZY about him.. ;)

[Rich]

I'm confused.

You're absolutely crazy about this guy but you are not in love with him. You are also not having any with him.

So why are you with him? If you're not in love and looking for that, plus you're also not together for the . Then what gives? What are you crazy about over him?

Are you just holding off having for a month, two months, or until marriage?

This guy will be an issue to your family and friends. If you've only just started seeing him two weeks ago, then don't bring him around your family until and if you decide that this is the guy that you're going to marry. If you're not looking to get married, then just go ahead and have your and be with this guy out of your family's eye sight. It's not worth the hassle that you'll have with your family.

Having with someone is no big deal. Go have your fun and enjoy this guy. Unless of course you're just looking for a friend. But then again, you wouldn't be crazy over a friend.

Enjoy,

Rich

[qpmomma]

Please disregard that statement and lets work off from the fact that you are CRAZY about him.. ;)

Ok, let me define "crazy about." "Crazy" is not "love." It just means I like to spend time with him. "Love" means you are willing to die for that person, and I'm not, yet.

[eightball61]

So far he's been a real gentleman about it and he told me he respects me either way.


Ok so he has proven to be a gentleman by holding off on the issue. He repsects your wishes and thats a very good sign to me. Now what you need to do is decide what you want out of this relationship....If you are CRAXY about him but not in "love" then what is it that you want? Do you want a future as marriage? be his boy toy? or just be a dear friend to him?

I point this out because it seems you have a sense of confusion to what you want. You need to know what you want so it can be clearer to you how the relationship will go. Communication with your feelings and his are the best way to see which direction things are going but you need to decide what you want first.

[Rich]

If you don't know where you're going, then any road will get you there.

I guess getting back to your original questions, don't bring this guy around to your family until you know what kind of relationship you have with him. They won't understand or accept him.

Rich

[SALly]

My hubby and I are 11 years apart. I met him when I was 18 and he was 29. There were always some people that frowned upon us but mostly people were fine with it when they saw how happy we were.

[nichol]

I'm in the same situation as u are! im 22 and the guy im seein is 13 years older than me. sometimes it bothers me but then when im with him it just feels right. have u introduced him to your family yet? cuz i have no idea how im gonna do it if i do...

[qpmomma]

He's met my mom, but she wasn't allowed to ask questions. ;)

[eightball61]

He's met my mom, but she wasn't allowed to ask questions. ;)


Why wasn't she able to ask any questions?

[icanhelp]

I'm worried about what my friends and family will think.
you shouldnt care what other people think of your relationship all that matters is that you both dont mind the differense

[Howard]

age doesn't matter in a relationship just as long as you both love each other and enjoy each other's company.I'm 31 years old and as for Robin she is 25 years old. :)