What does my female friend want

[boater55]

Have a female friend who I have known for a year, we are coworkers(only us two and the boss). We have 2 kids each same age. We both have custody of our kids. We have been to some outdoor festivals, and have had drinks together(no bar hopping) just at her house, I would crash on her couch. Her son was in the hospital, apendix removed, for 4 days, I would visit everyday. Coming home from the hospital my truck broke down, so she says I could stay and her house and my son sleep on the couch and she told me too sleep in her bed(she stayed at the hospital. Has or had a boyfriend of 3 years who I know abused her, has a alchol problem. Has a past history of numerous offenses, just recently he was charged with battery on her and child abuse and cruelty to her child, felony. I have always been there for her. We are both intrested in art, wants to paint together, I have asked her out, but says she wants to be friends, likes working with me, am I missing something, miss reading her?

[eightball61]

You didn't miss anything. She dears your friendship and friendship only. Even if you both were to date this could really make things complicated at your small work. Maybe one this this may lead to something else however for now be the friend that she learned to trust.

[scionkid]

Sound like your are stuck deep in the FRIEND ZONE. You asked her the questions and she gave you the answer. If you want to stay friends with her that's cool, but know nothing more is going to happen. if you don't thats cool to, just let her know you like her more then a friend and can't just have a friendship with her outside of work.

[Rich]

Maybe at this point in her life that's all that she wants with you. Her dealings with men (her latest) hasn't been the most loving and maybe she just needs time.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that it might ruin your relationship/freindship and she values it too much to want to ruin it.

Maybe she feels that her BF will try to hurt you if you were to start dating and she doesn't want to get you involved in that.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that one of you will have to leave your job. Maybe you both need that job and she doesn't want it to come to that.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that the work environment will feel awkward.

Maybe after being abused she doesn't want to be close to another man right now.

There's alot of different things that can be going through her mind.

Time is the answer here.

If you have time, then keep being friends and inching closer and closer together.

If you don't have time and want a GF for companionship and , then I say to stay friends but look elsewhere for a GF. Who knows, maybe when she sees you dating other women she'll "want" you.

[Desolate]

I can see where she is coming from. Only because I personally was in a bad relationship for 13 yrs and he was an alcholic and introuble with the law. I got stuck in our relationship within the first couple of years and EVERYtime he sould do something that hurt me mentally or physically he would say "I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again. I love you." well he was sorry only until the next time. I guess my point is is that it is hard to get out of that cycle. The only thing you can probably do is be there for her NO MATTER WHAT...especially to listen. Perhaps some suggestions once in awhile helps too. She will wake up...I did when I met my fiance and he was there for me thru thick and thin when my ex got abusive. It's hard to change your life to what happiness you know you can have, but it's even harder to leave someone when you are soooo afraid of him. Hope this help.

[eightball61]

I can see where she is coming from. Only because I personally was in a bad relationship for 13 yrs and he was an alcholic and introuble with the law. I got stuck in our relationship within the first couple of years and EVERYtime he sould do something that hurt me mentally or physically he would say "I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again. I love you." well he was sorry only until the next time. I guess my point is is that it is hard to get out of that cycle. The only thing you can probably do is be there for her NO MATTER WHAT...especially to listen. Perhaps some suggestions once in awhile helps too. She will wake up...I did when I met my fiance and he was there for me thru thick and thin when my ex got abusive. It's hard to change your life to what happiness you know you can have, but it's even harder to leave someone when you are soooo afraid of him. Hope this help.



Glad to hear you got out of the relationship ok and with a good heart!

[smackie9]

Men and women perceive relationships differently. Women can be emotionally attatched to a man without ual attraction. With men it's usually all or nothing. So keep that in mind. When they say they just see you as a friend, it's what they mean...there's no mixed signal there. Just because you enjoy the same things and get along doesn't make you BF material. Confusing? Well if she wanted to date you she would have let you known about it by now. Women don't wait around for months if they are attracted to someone. Women are very competitive. If the gettin is good they won't lose opportunity to another woman.

[boater55]

Maybe at this point in her life that's all that she wants with you. Her dealings with men (her latest) hasn't been the most loving and maybe she just needs time.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that it might ruin your relationship/freindship and she values it too much to want to ruin it.

Maybe she feels that her BF will try to hurt you if you were to start dating and she doesn't want to get you involved in that.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that one of you will have to leave your job. Maybe you both need that job and she doesn't want it to come to that.

Maybe she feels that as BF/GF that the work environment will feel awkward.

Maybe after being abused she doesn't want to be close to another man right now.

There's alot of different things that can be going through her mind.

Time is the answer here.

If you have time, then keep being friends and inching closer and closer together.

If you don't have time and want a GF for companionship and , then I say to stay friends but look elsewhere for a GF. Who knows, maybe when she sees you dating other women she'll "want" you.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head, why would BF/GF ruin relationship/friendship, being awkward at work, its just me, her and my brother, nobody has to leave the job, if it doesn't work out I believe if you are mature enough you can still be friends and her ex boyfriend, I think, can handle it myself, no worries, and yes I do understand she may not want to be close to another man after shes been though. She has said she feels guilty about the men she has been out with, guilty? For what. Did tell her I was not just trying too get in her pants, if I wanted a GF/, I have friends with benifits, I respect my friend more then that more then that, I do believe in a solid friendship for a relationship to happen.

[boater55]

I can see where she is coming from. Only because I personally was in a bad relationship for 13 yrs and he was an alcholic and introuble with the law. I got stuck in our relationship within the first couple of years and EVERYtime he sould do something that hurt me mentally or physically he would say "I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again. I love you." well he was sorry only until the next time. I guess my point is is that it is hard to get out of that cycle. The only thing you can probably do is be there for her NO MATTER WHAT...especially to listen. Perhaps some suggestions once in awhile helps too. She will wake up...I did when I met my fiance and he was there for me thru thick and thin when my ex got abusive. It's hard to change your life to what happiness you know you can have, but it's even harder to leave someone when you are soooo afraid of him. Hope this help.

I have read and seen women who have been in that situation. I have an ex sister in law who had abusive relationships and I found out she married a convict who shot his wife in the head and serving 20 to life in prison, firure that one out. Hope things are working well with you fiancee, have a happy life.

[Howard]

Men and women perceive relationships differently. Women can be emotionally attatched to a man without ual attraction. With men it's usually all or nothing. So keep that in mind. When they say they just see you as a friend, it's what they mean...there's no mixed signal there. Just because you enjoy the same things and get along doesn't make you BF material. Confusing? Well if she wanted to date you she would have let you known about it by now. Women don't wait around for months if they are attracted to someone. Women are very competitive. If the gettin is good they won't lose opportunity to another woman.



Good Advice Smackie.:)

[boater55]

Been awhile, my freind and I are still going out and have fun together, did have a blow out, three weekends ago, but back too normal. We went to a halloween party that friday, I didn't know about it until I was getting my truck towed and was ready to leave her house that friday night, when she asked me how I was coming back too her house too go to this party, she wanted me too go, so I cancelled my tow and went to the party, costume party. She go smashed, I stayed basically sober, driving. When we got home and the kids and freinds were sleeping on the couch, thats where I sleep when I stay over, so she invited me too her bed too sleep on the other side of the bed, I was hesitant, but I did. On her way up to bed she rubbed my shoulder and says too turn out the lights on the way up. There was no , cuddling, sleep seperate. Next day we spent the day together fishing and walking the beach, I did fix breakfast that day. Now is she indicating she wants more.

[smackie9]

Take it slow, and communicate.

[boater55]

Hey, I'm the evilone...LOL, I too mean well. So, now you know I'm a brain dead guy. Since the sleep over night I've been to her house on weekends, still play pool together and have more fun doing it, the argument was whiskey related, no more, EVIL!...LOL. We did go out to a friends house last night and had dinner, good time, yes I slept on the couch again, due too I took her son too work today due to she is going too her parents house and her sons work is on the way to my house. I suggested that we spend the day at her house during the IDA storm and I would cook dinner, she said okay, killer chicken enchalataes, we went too the beach to watch the waves, talked alittle, kinda keep our distance while walking, did some surf fishing, and I went home, no stay over. we planned on going out after dinner but blew it off and went to her house. The confusion I have is we don't hold hands, hug, I have kissed her on the forehead a few times when I leave, it's like is she afraid of someone showing affections for her after she went through. Does she not trust me yet, I know she has alot on her plate and I told her I was there for her. She does ask me if I want to walk the beach, sit on couch with her watch TV. If she wanted or not that night, and because I didn't take advantage of the situation to find out, did I send a bad signal, or do I ask her if she expected me too have with her. Was I being a gentleman or a jerk. Would like too take her and our kids camping or would that be more then just friends.

[smackie9]

You are so falling deep into the friend zone. You are just a friend without benefits. Nothing will change until you confront her on where this is all going and if there will be a relationship...going to the next level. If she makes up excuses, then it's time to excuse yourself and move on.

[CassandraR]

Great solution here, love the way you discussed the problem and found a solution.