PDA

View Full Version : How to deal with a stalker


BigDave
03-22-2005, 07:30 AM
i NEED HELP!

Im a freshman in college, graduated from a small high school last year. While in high school i became romanticly involved for a day or two with this girl Ali. It honestly didnt last long, and it was the result of months of flirting and leading her on. It seriously lasts 2 days. After that, i dont talk to her until 2 months into my freshman year in college. She still goes to high school as a senior. I began to feel bad about how i led her on for so long, then didnt pursue a real relationship. I apologize. We go another month without talking, until one day she calls me up crying. I console her, make her feel better and all that, then get back to my own life. That month i got 4 or 5 more of those calls. I thought she just needed a friendly ear, so i was there for her as a friend. I go home for winter break, and she wants to see me, so she invites my over to watch a movie with some friends of hers. Alas- i arrive to find her in her room, nobody else in the house. Her being such an attractive young girl, it took a hell of a lot to leave that night still...pure, but i managed. The next day an old buddy calls me up and says 'hey i heard you hooked up with ali last night.' Crap. The rumors began, and i had to shoot every one of them down. I called up Ali and kindly asked her to stop, and she agreed. But of course they didnt stop. Still havnt stopped. She begins calling more and more, and i am forced to tell her that i dont want any relationship with her. I must have told her twice a week for a solid month before i just started ignoring her calls. Eventually my sister calls me up and tells me that she heard Ali was diagnosed with cancer. As much as she annoyed me, i was worried. I went to see her, a 3 hour drive, only to have a long chat with her mother. She was fine- no cancer. She told my sister that to get me to come visit her. I bolted. Since then i havnt talked to her- i never answer the phone when its her. I figured if i ignored her shed go away. Its been 3 months and she hasnt let down one bit. Last week alone she called my 47 times. 47- not even an exaggeration. Its driving me mad! And the rumors- they havnt stopped either. My sister is in Ali's graduating class, so she hears them all. She even heard that i proposed to Ali over the phone. This is madness! how do i stop it all??

eightball61
03-22-2005, 01:00 PM
A change in phone number or legal action is your only way out.

CalistaClap
03-22-2005, 02:21 PM
I'd first threaten her that you will call the cops if she doesn't stop, then if that doesn't work, I would go ahead and call the cops. They will be able to talk to her, and maybe give her a scare, or give you a restraining order against her.

Obviously this girl doesn't seem to want to accept that you don't like her. You did a good thing by not sleeping with her, that would have only had things 10times as worse.

Rich
03-22-2005, 04:53 PM
You were nice to her and now she's latched onto you. Does she have alot of friends? Does she date other guys? Is she relatively good looking? More homely looking girls will latch on to the first guy that shows them some attention and create this whole scenario in their heads that you're their knight in shining armor. She fixated.

If you also popped her cherry, that could be a reason for this as well. You know, first love and all of that childhood crap.

You can try talking to her mom. You already did, sort of, about the cancer thing. Explain to the mom what happened and what is happening. See if the mom can stop it. Although it's never easy to tell parents that you were ually active with their daughter and dumped her. That might be an uncomfortable discussion.

You can always try to set her up with an enemy of yours at school. I'm sorry, did I say enemy? :-)

This will transfer the problem to another guy.

Just be careful and do NOT have with this girl because she might get pregnant on purpose to trap you. Heck, that's probably the next rumor coming out anyway.

You can always tell her as well that if she does not leave you alone, that you are going to go to the cops and get an order of protection or restraining order against her. It might not be a bad idea to go to the cops anyway and explain what's going on. The can give you good advice on what to do and how to protect yourself.

You don't own a bunny rabbit, do you? Sorry, a Fatal Attraction joke there.

Good luck

Rich

BigDave
03-22-2005, 06:27 PM
As a little bit more info- i NEVER slept with this girl- didnt even come close.

bdtraders
03-22-2005, 06:53 PM
Yea i dated a woman once for about 5 months then we broke it off. She went beserk calling me and leaving me notes. At the end she was calling me 100+ times a day at home and on my cell. I had to change both numbers and I called her family and told them if she didnt stop that I would be forced to persue civil action. I got one last note at work that said she was sorry and never heard from her again.

Rich
03-22-2005, 06:59 PM
When you said that you were romantically involved with this girl for a day or two, I took that to mean that you had with her a couple of times and then dumped her. My apologies.

Then by all means talk to her parents and say that it is serious and that you would rather not go to the cops, but that you will, if she doesn't stop what she's doing. Don't say it threateningly but rahter as in "any help that you can give me, would be most appreciated". That you're not looking to hurt their little girl but that you want to be left alone.

I love to know what you meant by romantically involved though? Normally it means one thing.

Rich

eightball61
03-23-2005, 01:23 PM
As a little bit more info- i NEVER slept with this girl- didnt even come close.


& thats why legal action may be you only bet...She is young and some young girls minds get really attached to a first love. Its a first love thing and she doesn't want to let you go....make the decision thats right for you.

Datingcritic
03-24-2005, 06:40 PM
Eightball, but what could the backlash of legal action be? I seemingly tend to side with you on this, but wihtout her "doing" anything, just calling him, what exactly can anyone do about it... This just seems veryyy veryyy odd...

What about changing numbers though, is this an option? As for the friends thing, are there any you can get to instead of dealing with her that may have "somewhat" of a sound mind?

Lance


<< Moderator Note: Link Removed. Put your homepage url in your profile or signature. Not in each and every post. >>

eightball61
03-24-2005, 06:49 PM
Lance,

Changing the number is a big option and he can leave it unlisted. If he was to go with legal action its considered harassment and thats what I meant on seeking legal action. He will need to at least tell her once (with a witness on the other line for back-up) not to call again. If this girl continues then she is not obeying his wish and then it will be/can considered harassment by law. Also, he could get her number blocked by the phone company but she could just get around that by using a different number so the only options would be a new unlisted number and/or legal action to this.

Does this explain better to what I mean on legal action?

Thanks Lance,

8-ball

Datingcritic
03-24-2005, 06:59 PM
I'm with you now eightball, basically just backing yourself up logistically so that it doesn't become a "she's stalking me, no I'm not, yes she is" match when it goes to the authorities... You would HOPE that the girl would get the hint with police involved...
Lance

www.Datingcritic.com

eightball61
03-24-2005, 07:06 PM
You would HOPE that the girl would get the hint with police involved...



or hopefully a threat would send a signal to her to stop but often times it doesn't until reality hits the individual. She's a young girl that has really gotten herself attached to this guy and not willing to give up her dream. She will one day look back and realize how much she missed out to live as a teen because of this....again though its all about when reality hits :p