melisproch
10-21-2009, 09:43 PM
Let me just give you a brief introduction on us, we've been together for over 2 years, lived together for over 1 year, and have a 9 month old son.
So we get engaged about a year ago, I wanted to wait to get married till next year, but he says he doesnt want to wait....okay fine, we plan the wedding....and it is now 10 days away.
Three days ago we get into it a bit. I was concerned about his bachelor party, I just told him that I didnt want a stripper grinding on him and what not because they plan on getting a hotel and a private stripper. Now I NEVER said he is not allowed to have all that grinding gross-ness, I just said I didnt want to him to. Never gave him rules, just told him how I felt about it. He comes back with why, you had it...(I had a private male stripper at my party this past weekend, but mind you the stripper did NOT do anything bad to me, only to everyone else...and I had a video and 10 girls to vouch for that). So now he thinks I dont trust him, which is rediculous...because I do, if I didnt then he would not even have been allowed to have a bachelor party. I kept trying to explain to him that having a girl grinding on you is not about trust, its about respect....he didnt seem to get that. He was like literally talking to a brick wall...I couldnt get through to him, so I left the house and took the baby with me because he was leaving anyways for work. He gets all mad and says I didnt let him say bye to the baby, which is true, and very wrong of me, but I was in a pissed off hurry to get out of the house. I was really upset and was crying and just needed to breathe.
So the next day everything is awkward, he says that hes not ready to get married, and that hes not sure its what he wants. And says that hes not okay with marrying someone who runs away from their problems (because I left the house). This is out FIRST fight in over 2 years, first one ever! And I said you dont want to marry me now because I left the house when I was upset. It just didnt add up, theres got to be more to it than that. He wont tell me he loves me when we get off the phone, he doesnt touch me, doesnt even look at me. So alot of crying and talking went by, and finally he comes over to me and lays me down and tell me to relax and squeezes me and says that he does want to marry me.
So yay, everything WAS good.
Today when he came home from work, he tells me that he is just not ready, and that he doesnt want to get married to get divorced, I asked him why he thinks were going to get divorced, we get along perfectly, we had one bump in the road and now were planning on getting divorced after we get married, It doesnt make sense. So he asks me why I think it will work out, and I said because I have faith in us. He says that he loves me and wants to be with me, but hes not ready to get married. What does that mean? At first I told him that its now or never, that Im not sticking around waiting. I said if you dont love me enough now to marry me, then how are you gonna love me more down the road and marry me then. But then I came around and said that if I had to wait, I would. I love him more anything....so deep in love.
So I eventually stopped crying, put myself back together and was just playing with the baby putting on a smile for him. He says to me, your not even upset, I said not upset, I said that Ive cried more in the last 2 days then I have in the last 10 years. I said theres nothing left, and he doesnt know how much hes hurting me, but theres nothing else that I can do. Im not going to try and change his mind. Inside im thinking is this all a big joke to him, is his goal to make me be upset and he really does plan on marrying me? If hes not ready, then hes not ready. Then he starts getting all depressed and starts crying and I go over and hug him and kiss him on the forhead and ask him whats wrong, hes just like I dont know what I want. I was like well do you love me, he said yes, very much, and then he said hes just not ready, and why cant we just push the wedding back. I said the wedding is done, the invitations got sent out 2 months ago. I dont understand why hes upset now when hes only doing this to himself.
What am I supposed to do? Is he just having cold feet and he'll get over it? Im so stuck, the wedding is in 10 days and I need to start contacting people about the wedding being canceled, but I dont want to do that and him change his mind about the whole thing.
So we get engaged about a year ago, I wanted to wait to get married till next year, but he says he doesnt want to wait....okay fine, we plan the wedding....and it is now 10 days away.
Three days ago we get into it a bit. I was concerned about his bachelor party, I just told him that I didnt want a stripper grinding on him and what not because they plan on getting a hotel and a private stripper. Now I NEVER said he is not allowed to have all that grinding gross-ness, I just said I didnt want to him to. Never gave him rules, just told him how I felt about it. He comes back with why, you had it...(I had a private male stripper at my party this past weekend, but mind you the stripper did NOT do anything bad to me, only to everyone else...and I had a video and 10 girls to vouch for that). So now he thinks I dont trust him, which is rediculous...because I do, if I didnt then he would not even have been allowed to have a bachelor party. I kept trying to explain to him that having a girl grinding on you is not about trust, its about respect....he didnt seem to get that. He was like literally talking to a brick wall...I couldnt get through to him, so I left the house and took the baby with me because he was leaving anyways for work. He gets all mad and says I didnt let him say bye to the baby, which is true, and very wrong of me, but I was in a pissed off hurry to get out of the house. I was really upset and was crying and just needed to breathe.
So the next day everything is awkward, he says that hes not ready to get married, and that hes not sure its what he wants. And says that hes not okay with marrying someone who runs away from their problems (because I left the house). This is out FIRST fight in over 2 years, first one ever! And I said you dont want to marry me now because I left the house when I was upset. It just didnt add up, theres got to be more to it than that. He wont tell me he loves me when we get off the phone, he doesnt touch me, doesnt even look at me. So alot of crying and talking went by, and finally he comes over to me and lays me down and tell me to relax and squeezes me and says that he does want to marry me.
So yay, everything WAS good.
Today when he came home from work, he tells me that he is just not ready, and that he doesnt want to get married to get divorced, I asked him why he thinks were going to get divorced, we get along perfectly, we had one bump in the road and now were planning on getting divorced after we get married, It doesnt make sense. So he asks me why I think it will work out, and I said because I have faith in us. He says that he loves me and wants to be with me, but hes not ready to get married. What does that mean? At first I told him that its now or never, that Im not sticking around waiting. I said if you dont love me enough now to marry me, then how are you gonna love me more down the road and marry me then. But then I came around and said that if I had to wait, I would. I love him more anything....so deep in love.
So I eventually stopped crying, put myself back together and was just playing with the baby putting on a smile for him. He says to me, your not even upset, I said not upset, I said that Ive cried more in the last 2 days then I have in the last 10 years. I said theres nothing left, and he doesnt know how much hes hurting me, but theres nothing else that I can do. Im not going to try and change his mind. Inside im thinking is this all a big joke to him, is his goal to make me be upset and he really does plan on marrying me? If hes not ready, then hes not ready. Then he starts getting all depressed and starts crying and I go over and hug him and kiss him on the forhead and ask him whats wrong, hes just like I dont know what I want. I was like well do you love me, he said yes, very much, and then he said hes just not ready, and why cant we just push the wedding back. I said the wedding is done, the invitations got sent out 2 months ago. I dont understand why hes upset now when hes only doing this to himself.
What am I supposed to do? Is he just having cold feet and he'll get over it? Im so stuck, the wedding is in 10 days and I need to start contacting people about the wedding being canceled, but I dont want to do that and him change his mind about the whole thing.