Why do dumpers do this crap?

[rb4187]

Got dumped two months ago today after a nearly three year relationship. The split hurt and both sides handled it well at the beginning. But, over the last 4 or 5 weeks it got out of hand and a little ugly. I am ok, moving on, etc. Still have my moments, but otherwise doing ok.

Two weeks ago, I went straight no contact to allow myself to move on. I had a good female friend (and former roommate) who the ex latched onto and even though they were friends beforehand, really latched onto her after the breakup. Well, it turns out the female friend had been relaying anything I said or did back to the ex. So, I completely went no contact with her as well at the same time.

Today, I get an invitation from her to be one of her contacts with LinkedIn, which is a networking site. More professional than personal. Mind you, very little contact over the last two months and zero in the last two weeks.

This woman made very clear that she was out of my life, would not support me in the future, etc. and etc.

Why do females (or dumpers in general) do crap like this that gets your head spinning?

[smackie9]

You, by cutting off contact to them, make them feel they have to gain control over you again. It's a jealousy thing. She probably want to find out if you are doing better than her...like if you have found someone new to replace her already. But the less you let this get to you the better off you will be.

[PhalThrax]

Hello there. I am very sorry to hear about the breakup; I can understand the emotional rollercoaster that is going through your mind at the moment.

smackie said it perfectly. It has quite a bit to do with jealousy, and a little to do with a hierarchy status. She wants you to be the subordinate, and she is working her way to it at an agressive rate. To many, it's a lot easier attempting to claim hierarchy status when you don't have to personally confront the person. The new age of internet use has made this task remarkably more simplistic in nature.

Disseminating yourself from their presence (both in the real world, and via internet) would most likely be the best course of action for your sake.

[Rich]

If you're looking for someone to support you, then you will always be dependent on someone. Subject to their whims, hormone cycle and feelings. Talk about a roller coaster ride.

I'd say to stand on your own feet and support yourself. Then go find someone as an equal partner.

When a relationship dies then one or the other will be a dumper. It's who gets sicker of the relationship sooner. That person is the dumper. We all dump and you'll probably be a dumper in the future too.

I'm sure that there's a lot more to the story as to why it ended and i'm sure that it keys around the word that you mentioned, "Support". Again, you shouldn't be looking for anyone to support you.