ariadne5
10-31-2009, 03:49 PM
My husband and I have been together for 10 years now, and I have just found out that I’m pregnant. We are over the moon :) But for me there is a slight tinge of sadness, as I am unsure what to do about a situation:
My husband is estranged from his family, due to some very serious incidents when he was a teenager. His family made cruel comments to him on and off through his childhood, which led to him having no self-esteem, and health problems. When he finally plucked up the courage to stand up to them, they kicked him out of his home and then set out on a tirade of abuse and harassment. He made many attempts to mend the relationship, but his parents were only concerned with abusing him into doing exactly what they told him to do, and because he dared to disagree with them, they tried to make it impossible for him to live without them (we were threatened numerous times, and attacked), so in the end he had to make the decision that they were not a part of his life he wanted anymore.
When we cut contact with them, 10 yrs ago, I heard that my MIL has depression, and cries all the time about ‘losing her son’, so she obviously felt something, and was not in a very stable mind frame .. I’m not excusing what she did, but it’s fair to say she hurt herself as well as us. I’m not clear whether she had some serious mental problems and had real trouble being caring and loving, or if she was just “evil”…
I always feel so much sadness that things had to be this way – I want to bring my children into a large and close family, and I keep thinking ‘why can’t it be like that’? I am playing with the idea of actually going to see my in-laws, to see if they’ve changed at all, and if it is at all possible to unite our families [we've had no contact for 10 yrs, and they have had NO way of contacting us, so if they did want to apologise or talk, they haven't been able to, therefore surely it is fair/right to give them one chance?] ….. BUT, a part of me’s saying don’t do it, cos my mother-in-law was such a god-awful person, and seemed to have some mental problems, and also alcohol problems, but she refused to acknowledge them… however our last ‘contact’ with them was a letter saying that if they ever admitted how they behaved, and got help for their alcohol problems, we would forgive them and welcome them into our lives, and explaining why things had ended up as they had, and how they behaved on alcohol, so this may have been a reality break for them, as they were in denial about their alcoholism – so I think it’s right to give them that chance now.
What should I do? I’ve never experienced such odd/cruel people before, so I have no idea whether such people might repent/change, or how to act in this situation?
My husband is estranged from his family, due to some very serious incidents when he was a teenager. His family made cruel comments to him on and off through his childhood, which led to him having no self-esteem, and health problems. When he finally plucked up the courage to stand up to them, they kicked him out of his home and then set out on a tirade of abuse and harassment. He made many attempts to mend the relationship, but his parents were only concerned with abusing him into doing exactly what they told him to do, and because he dared to disagree with them, they tried to make it impossible for him to live without them (we were threatened numerous times, and attacked), so in the end he had to make the decision that they were not a part of his life he wanted anymore.
When we cut contact with them, 10 yrs ago, I heard that my MIL has depression, and cries all the time about ‘losing her son’, so she obviously felt something, and was not in a very stable mind frame .. I’m not excusing what she did, but it’s fair to say she hurt herself as well as us. I’m not clear whether she had some serious mental problems and had real trouble being caring and loving, or if she was just “evil”…
I always feel so much sadness that things had to be this way – I want to bring my children into a large and close family, and I keep thinking ‘why can’t it be like that’? I am playing with the idea of actually going to see my in-laws, to see if they’ve changed at all, and if it is at all possible to unite our families [we've had no contact for 10 yrs, and they have had NO way of contacting us, so if they did want to apologise or talk, they haven't been able to, therefore surely it is fair/right to give them one chance?] ….. BUT, a part of me’s saying don’t do it, cos my mother-in-law was such a god-awful person, and seemed to have some mental problems, and also alcohol problems, but she refused to acknowledge them… however our last ‘contact’ with them was a letter saying that if they ever admitted how they behaved, and got help for their alcohol problems, we would forgive them and welcome them into our lives, and explaining why things had ended up as they had, and how they behaved on alcohol, so this may have been a reality break for them, as they were in denial about their alcoholism – so I think it’s right to give them that chance now.
What should I do? I’ve never experienced such odd/cruel people before, so I have no idea whether such people might repent/change, or how to act in this situation?