I don't feel adequate enough...

[catt]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and for the first 8 months it was incredible-I had a previous marriage and it failed horribly-we work together and clicked together and wanted the same things. He had a conventional sort of style and really treated me with respect. When life felt like it wasn't ever going to get better, it did! I found him.

Around the eighth month I caught staring at a new girl that just got hired and she was-you can say well endowed in a certain back area. I know no one is perfect, but he literally turned and stared and made it noticable--I WORK IN A CALL CENTER....LITERALLY 200 PEOPLE. It happened a lot after even when I expressed how I felt about the matter.

Now, I feel like I'm never good enough and every girl I see him look at, I try to change my looks to try to accomodate to what I think he likes...IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! I cry about it a lot. Very few times he sees, but I mainly do it when I'm alone. It's the worst feeling to feel alone in public and in private....open to suggestions.

[WhatAMess]

Well, first things first, you need to decide if you like the way you look... do you? Are you happy with your own body shape, size and style? If you are, then embrace the confidence in yourself. If you are not happy with the way you look, then decide what it is that you want... do you want to lose a little weight? Then diet. Want to get fitter? Go to the gym. Want bigger boobs? Start saving for the surgery. But my point here is... you should never, ever try to please someone else by changing your style, shape, etc to match their tastes.

You find what makes you happy about yourself and start building your self-esteem. You can talk to him about your insecurities with the way you look.

I'm the kind of woman that doesn't mind a roving eye. I could care less if the guy I'm with is oggling some big chested young woman. I'm the one he's with and I've accepted him for his faults... because trust me, no man is perfect and most of them end up with some soft and flabby parts too.

Now, if he's flirting, talking about them, sighing when he thinks about them... that's different.

We all have our own comfort zones. You first have to get comfortable with yourself. Stop worrying about what you think he wants. If he loves you and cares about you, he will accept you for how you are and find beauty in your form. If he's disgusted by how you look and dreams of someone else... well, hope the door hits his ass on the way out of your life. You don't need someone like that.

[Rich]

I agree with WhataMess said. Don't change for anyone. Change for you, if you want to and that's it. Most often when we change for someone else it's because we love them. Then when that love starts to dissipate, we then say screw that, I'm going back to being me and then that's when the snowball starts rolling down the hill.

You going back to being someone that your partner wasn't really thrilled with then puts even more distance between you two.

Be you. Be happy with you. If he loves you, then he loves all of you for you. If not, then move on.

[catt]

When I think of myself and my body, I feel very satisfied....I've played sports all my life and well proportioned. People give me compliments all the time, but I just don't let it get to my head. I've been through a lot in my life--my father past away towards the end of my previous marriage. I'm very humble and greatful for the things I have in my life. I just don't feel this way when it comes to him. Wherever we go, it never fails, he's always checking out some girls...even when he's talking to me and we're looking at eachother. He tells me he loves the way I look and he doesn't know when he's doing it. Claims he's an observant type of person. I kind of believe him, but it really makes me feel bad about myself.

And I'm 5'6, 130 pounds...I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me...and I've expressed this to him many, many, many times.

[catt]

Don't get me wrong, I was comfortable enough with myself to not worry about other women, but at that moment at our work it really was the last straw...I forgot to say the girl actually caught him checking her out. I just feel disrespected that he would even do this to me at work. I really hit home..

[WhatAMess]

The people we choose to spend our time with shouldn't make us feel inadequate. If you were confident and now you aren't... that's damaging you and I don't think you should be with someone that makes you think less of yourself or makes you feel insecure.

If his roving eyes really bother you, then you can say that it bothers you and you can tell him it's important enough to you to lead to the end of your relationship. And if it is enough to make you doubt yourself, make you feel inadequate and make you feel unhappy... then why stay with someone who makes you feel those things?

You can't make him change just for you... and you can't change just for him. He can choose to change for himself and you can change for yourself, but if someone changes for another person, then it's easy for bitterness and resentment to come into play.

So, you shouldn't force him to change his behavior just because you don't like it... either he can mature up and change to make himself more devoted to his mate... or not. But if it's that important to you, then don't settle. If you feel disrespected, that's a hard feeling to overcome if it continues on a constant basis.

Too many men drifting by to get stuck with a stinky fish in the net.

[Rich]

Out of love and respect for you, he should not do that while you two are together. All people look. You just don't do it when you're with your partner. Is he looking to make you happy, or other females by looking and flirting?

Your feelings should come first. That is, if he really loves and cares for you. Guess you have your answer.

[Ryan1985]

Well he should not drool over a girl in front of you, that's for sure. Just know, try not to act too insecure because insecurity in itself causes a lot of problems in a relationship. If he is with you and plans on being with you, then this should not matter much. There will always be better looking people out there...make up for it with personality.