Hubby Help

[starlight]

Well here goes....I have a hard time talking about my feelings to my husband. Anytime I say anything I feel it goes in one ear and out the other. I am currently pregnant with our first child. I am due in about 5-6 weeks. I have supported my husband both emotionally and financially for a while. We were not expecting to be expecting. It came as a total shock. Everything was fine when I first found out and I thought that he was excepting it. Well he got laid off from work in November and was unemployed till January. Through out that time our relationship was fine. He had to go out of town for training he worked 10 days straight then had 4 days off for 3 rotations. He would come home on his off days and at first it was like we were first dating again....you know that old say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Things started to not be as intimate the second and third rotation. Now I find that he is calling a bunch of his friends (male and female) that he worked with up there. I had asked him about one in particular and he gives me the reason that he can talk to her about issues including our baby because he is not emotionally attached to her. I know that us having a baby is not what we had expected. He has been burnt in the past with a previous relationship that a child was conceved and he has gone thru hell and back with the courts b/c of this person. But he tells me that if we would not have gotten pregnant, then he would not have wanted to have any kids. I have trust issues with my husband. He had an affair about 4 years ago. Now I can only think that it is happening again. Although he has re-assured me that it is not. I still can not help but wonder. I love my husband very much and get him everything that he wants. But lately I feel that he is avoiding me. Not wanting to be intimate or even just holding me. I do realize that he is working crazy hours 5Pm-3Am. But should that affect how he treats me? Some advice would be great. I would really love a mans view point.

[eightball61]

Him cheating on you 4 years back outlines how you feel today about the situation. I am sure it wasn't easy to take him back and the process to get things going again was a lot. Now 4 years have gone by and he expects things to get easier and hope you can trust him more. The problem is he allready broke that trust a while back and its very hard to gain it back if you ever do trust him again.

I don't blame you for feeling this way while he is talking about personal matters to another girls. In many cases they call this emotional cheating and could setup for more. If he has a personal issue then he needs to come to you. If you both can't express stuff to eachother then you have to learn because this will just set up for more disasters. As husband and wife you both need to talk. See a counselor or write a journal to start things off but you both need to talk as the first step.

Secondly, it is ok for him to have friends or maybe for him to go out once in a while with you knowing how long, with who, and where BUT he ruined the friendship thing with women in my book. To me any cheating partner doesn't deserve a chance but you gave him and and now he needs to respect your wishes and get on your good side rather than bad. He ruined everything 4 years ago and to bad its always going to be this way also.

You need to do something to stand up for what you believe in. You are pregnant and you dont need that stress but its either hes going to be there or not be there like a father would. If it takes a letter to get it out then do it but you need to express how you feel even though it has to do with the past....and if he gets mad that you are bringing up that past then its tough because he is the one that ruined it.

[Rich]

Tough decisions all around.

Because he cheated before, you have every right to question his judgment and what he says to you.

Also, with you being close to giving birth, your emotions are all over the place I'm sure. At this point you might be feeling like you just want the baby out already becasue of all the uncomfortableness that you're feeling.

The only advice that I can give is to keep an eye on your husband but don't freak out. Getting all stressed out right now is not cool for the baby's sake. You need to take one issue at time and that issue is the baby right now. Have a healthy baby first, then deal with your husband.

Also, some guys have issues having with a pregnent woman for the fear that they might hurt the baby. Or maybe they're just not turned on by the body size and shape towards the end of the pregnancy.

Play it by ear and just concentrate on the baby right now but keep somewhat of an eye open for clues. Then follow up on those later.

[inquisitive]

I agree with Rich, and eightball. Your husband showed you 4 years earlier that he can't "just be friends" with a woman. He needs to talk to you about issues surrounding you and the baby not some other woman. You need to know what he's thinking, and how he's feeling. But for now you should stop stressing, because it's not good for the baby, and deal with your husband once your baby is born. Definitely keep track of what your husband is doing, but try to stay calm.

For some reason a lot of men have problems having with a woman when she is pregnant. They tend to think of her as a mother or something. Sometimes they also think they may hurt the baby. These reasons I understand. The excuse they don't like your body shape is BS in my opinion. As husband and wife you both have intimacy needs - both physical and emotional.

I think the most important thing right now though is delivering a healthy baby! Concentrate on that, and then concentrate on what your husband is doing.

[smackie9]

Everyone gets nervous when a baby is on the way. It's life changing of course, but no worries. Once that baby is born, things seem to fall into place. You both will become much closer. Just remember to give your husband attention too. New mothers tend to forcus all their attention on the new arrival.
is really good when you are pregnant. You have much bigger OOOOOOOs! So put on some lingerie no matter how big you've gotten. A mother to be can be very y! Congratulatons to you both! :)

[icanhelp]

I do realize that he is working crazy hours 5Pm-3Am. But should that affect how he treats me?
no it should not. a woman should always come first... always.
now to the other stuff him talking to the othere woman mabey this woman is a mother and he needs to talk to someone who has already had this experience, but now i think that you have the rite to ask him about it and what they talk about and if its because of that she has gone through it then he should talk to her but keep you in the circle.
now haveing a baby, this is a big deal and i think that he should try and make you feel as best you can by holding you talking to you and telling you the things a man should tell somebody that he lives.
now id like to say congradulations on the baby and i wish you the best of luck :)

[eightball61]

no it should not. a woman should always come first... always.


Gotta have a job to support a family and bills, don't forget...This case is different though because he lied about cheating 4 years back and now he is trying to pull off a few things again....She is pregnanct and doesn't need to have added stress.


I went off topic but needed to add that in :p

[icanhelp]

Gotta have a job to support a family and bills, don't forge
well said and i totally agree, but you took what i said all wrong what i ment was that even though his life is hectic that shouldnt change the way he treats her

[eightball61]

even though his life is hectic that shouldnt change the way he treats her

Thats all it takes is a few post to see what the writter actually means. I agree with you 100% on that and he should treat her the same no matter what. We all run a busy life and when we have someone in our lifes it makes things a little easier as an individual because you have some to help cook, clean, ect. When a person is alone they have all those chores to themselves. He has to realized in a relationship does not mean he has luxery and should be kicking when tired....What about her? I am sure she gets tired too.

[icanhelp]

thats all i meant

[eightball61]

agreed ............... :D