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View Full Version : After 6 years, I'm being tossed out with the trash.


padawan
03-25-2005, 07:25 AM
Hi. I need help. I am really hurt right now and don't know what to do. Let me start from the beginning. It might be long, sorry.

I met my girlfriend in high school. We began dating in junior year. We were friends at first, although I always wanted more. I actually fell in love with her before we even started going out. She was dating another guy, so I waited patiently for it to end to ask her out even though it hurt to do so. After we started going out I was the happiest I ever was. After high school we both moved away together and got an apartment. We attended the same college. She was going for nursing and I was going for aviation. Things were always good in our relationship. We never really fought and we loved each other very much. After a little over a year, a horrible accident happened. I was in a plane crash after the aircrafts engine failed on me. Things have never been the same for me. I broke my back crushed the entire right side of my face. She stuck with me through all the tough times and continued to love me.

After I got well enough, we moved back home. she began to go out with her friends to the bar a lot. I told her I was ok with her going as long as it didn't get out of control. Eventually she started going to the bar like 4 days a week. I told her it was too much and she needed to either slow down or loose me. She chose the bar and we broke up. After a week she came back home and said she wouldn't go to the bar so much. She still went on the weekends.

Recently she began hanging out with her friends from college and made a whole bunch of guy friends who are friends of a friend. She has been hanging out with a new crowd. On Feb. 13 she broke up with me. It was awfully cold to break up with me the night before Valentines Day. Plus our anniversary was Feb. 24. She said we are too different because she likes to go to bars and I don't. She also said she needs to be on her own to see what it's like because she wants to be able to go to with her friends anytime she wants and not have to worry about when she is coming home. Since we broke up she has been doing nothing but partying with her new crowd, going out to the city and getting home at 6:30 in the morning. She says she is not ready to get back together because she is having too much fun. She likes to go to clubs and that's all she's doing now. I never let her go to them before because I didn't want other guys trying to dance all on her. She is basically leaving me to party. After only a week of being broken up I found out she went to a party at her friends house with all her guy friends and ended up flashing some guy for beads and kissing him. I was furious, and hurt. After a month and a half of hanging out with this new crowd she has become a totally different person. She acting like a freshman in college, but she is a senior and graduating in one month. I told her when everybody graduates that her college friends will all go their separate ways and begin their lives and careers, but she doesn't care. I really love this girl, but I am afraid that when she realizes what she is doing, it will be too late. I could never be with her again no matter how much I love her after she was with another man, and it's bound to happen if she continues like this. I have been home crying everyday since then and have barely slept or eaten. She doesn't even seem to be upset because she is too busy partying with her friends. She is staying at her friends at the present time also. She keeps saying I am being annoying because I am calling too much and not giving her her space. She told me that yesterday, but it was the first time I called in three days. Last weekend we made plans to hang out today. I was looking forward to it all week. She came over and said she was only staying for 5 minutes because she was going out with her friends. That hurt me a lot. She says another part of her breaking up is because although she still loves me, things don't feel like they did when we first started going out. It's been 6 years, of course their not. I asked her if we could split up, but agree not to see other people for a little while to leave some hope for us getting back together. She said she doesn't know because she wants to see what it's like with another guy. She said she doesn't know what it's like with anybody else. I don't understand because before she broke up with me she would always talk about how she wanted to marry me one day and have my children.

I don't know what to do, and soon it's going to be too late. Please help me get her back, or get rid of the pain. It hurts too much and I can't take it much longer.

Thank you
John :(

eightball61
03-25-2005, 01:15 PM
She keeps saying I am being annoying because I am calling too much and not giving her her space. (


You know something, she is right when she says this. I know its very heart breaking that she broke up with you after all this but she is right. You both are now broken up and you are not her watch guard. She see a new thing to her life that she likes and thinks is fun. You think negative about it because you want her back. You should be happy that she is not a basket case right now. Just because she is out having fun and moved on quickly doesn't mean that she never loved you.

The other thing I see you doing and you may not see it but you seem to be blaming yourself for the brakeup. Breakups happen anytime and more often the are unexepted like this one was. Don't blame your accident for the cause of this. This is not your fault. This is something that would have happened one way or another. I mean even if the accident never happened you wouldn't have been able to hold her down and that means she would have still gone out which would naturally lead to this. So as you see its not your fault so let that part go.

What you need to focus on now is accepting the fact that you both are brokenup. Then you need to figure out a way to move on and that would consist of not talking to her anymore or less. You need to find what you like and are interested in and seek local groups or friends that share the same interest. Friends dont grow on trees and they come within time but you need to go out and do things for yourself rather than mope around.

It is you that has the power to guide this whatever direction it goes....You now know my opinion and to me I think its a good way to start but follow what the others have to say and work it from there.

padawan
03-25-2005, 08:49 PM
She keeps telling me she is only 23 and she is supposed to be partying. But this is something you do when you first go into college, not when your about to graduate. Am I wrong? She still does not have an answer for me about whether or not she wants to agree not to hook up with other people. I told her that if the answer is no, we can have no chance of ever being together again in the furture. I told her to make sure she is 100% sure she she wants this to be it forever. She said she is not 100% sure. She does not know what she wants. And she doesn't know when she will have an answer. I feel like my soul has been taken from me. What's the point of living without a soul? The longer it takes to come up with an answer, the more it hurts. It upsets me that she even has to think about it so much. I don't even know if she is putting much thought into it, she is too busy partying.

heartbrokenagen
03-25-2005, 09:28 PM
I am kind of in the same boat here, although i wasnt with my girlfriend for 6 years, it was still what i class as a long term relationship, we were together nearly 2 years, She started having feelings for my friend when we were all in the same room and were out together in a club and stuff!

She says to me that she is not sure what she wants, she says she loves me but isnt sure if she is still IN love with me, but i dont understand how she can just throw away our realtionship like it was nothing, over some probably stupid feelings she has had for someone over the space of a couple of weeks!

We only broke up on wednesday (23rd March), its only been 2 days for me and i am really hurting and just hopeing that this is some sort of phase she is going through!

Maybe it is the same for your girlfriend, maybe she just wants to live the single life for a while to see what its like, i am 21 and my girlfriend is turning 20 this september, i am her first major boyfriend, and people always say that some people always end up with there first love!

I just hope this happens to the both of us bro!, remember we arent bad people, we never even had a real argument, so i dont understand what she wants! but i hope it all works out for you, and for me! i still love her soooo much, we were talking about getting engaged about 2 weeks nefore we broke up so her feelings for me cant just have dissapeared in an instant, nobody can switch there feelings on and off like that, they are either there or they arent!

If you wanna chat them send me a private message, might help the both of us to have someone to talk to!

Good luck mate!

eightball61
03-25-2005, 09:39 PM
You have to understand that what you have for a view on thing other people may not have the same view or outlook as you do. Just because you think a 23 yr shouldn't be out having fun doesn't mean they actually do. I am a DJ and I see 30, 40, 50 yearolds out having a ball with people when the go to a bar. Its just one of those things and its for some people and others its not. Some people go through these phases when they are younger to get it out of thier system. She is going through that phase as we speak and you can't control it.

Also, you keep saying she doesn't have an answer and that because she doesn't have one. Even if she did she doesn't have to tell you what that answer may or may not be. Even if she did tell you it may either hurt you more or please you. From what I gather hear I am sure you dont want to hear what that answer would be.

This is her time and she left you because she wanted to expierence more of it being sing. You have no right in say what she can or can't do. If she wants to go out and be a flash girl you see on those college party movies then thats her choice. It will hurt you because you cared for her and you never saw her that way but in reality this is her. Its like a volcano ready to erupt...it can happen at any moment but starts off small first. Its her life and this is the path she has chosen. You have a life also and sticking onto her for no reason is the path you have taken.

Sooner or latter you will have to learn its time to wave the white flag in the air because you aren't going to win her back by calling her and trying to act like her daddy. I know you are hurt and confused...I am sorry to hear what happened and my bluntness is not easing the cake but this is the only way that I can find to make some sense of this reality. I rather not say everything will be ok because if thing were ok then a breakup would have never happened.

padawan
03-26-2005, 12:28 AM
Thank you both for the help. What is really bothering me today is that I just realized that the night she did kiss that guy and flash him was the night of our 6 year anniversary. Of all nights, that is the night she does that. I just think that is really messed up to do even if we were broken up, it was only a bout a week and a half later. I don't know what's happening to her.

heartbrokenagen
03-26-2005, 01:21 AM
Like i said maybe she is just going through a phase, she has always been used to having you around and she is now just letting go a little!, as everyone keeps saying to me, if you are supposed to be with someone then it will happen in its own time!, i just hope it happens soon for the both of us, as this feeling we are both having is killing us both i know!

That is pretty messed up about her doing the flashing on your 6th anniversary date, she was probably drunk and the only way to stop herself from thinking of you was probably to do that!

Its also bad for me aswell because, me and my girlfriend broke up in the exact same week in march when it happened to me 2 years ago, and it happened in the same way! how messed up is that? i know that my girlfriend didnt know the exact date and it is only co-incidence but still messed up! i think ive gotta be one of the most unlucky in love people ever!

If there are people out there hurting as much or more than us mate then i feel sorry for them, im in enough pain as it is!

wish me luck and i'll keep my fingers crossed for you mate!

eightball61
03-26-2005, 01:50 AM
Of all nights, that is the night she does that. .


Its because you never expected her do be or do something like that and as you sit back and hear about this stuff you see a whole new person than you knew before....

coolguy05
07-13-2005, 06:14 AM
This is kind of an old thread by the date, but if that prob is still going on I can completly relate right now. My ex is completly dif, and she started dating a new guy just before my bday. Trust me man, life, its friggin unfair. I sometimes wish I never became crazy for my ex, but I did, and I'm still heart aching. I used to get upset all the time, and even though its been a while I'm still hurting bad. All I can say is man, theres nothing you can do, but keep going. Life isn't fair, and I don't think it ever was meant to be fair man. Just if anything, take some relief knowing than man, haha oh man your are NOT the only guy by all means to be endureing this friggin hell. Hahaha we are all in this together, best wishes to all.