He came baaaack....

[Pamelina]

What can I say--I fell again. He had me over to see his new computer, conveniently located in his bedroom and the rest is just a blur of . I lost all common sense and control. No man has ever had this effect on me, not to this extent, anyway.

And now, I'm sort of nowhere again. He hasn't called or come over at all or anything and he lives two doors down.

Three weeks ago, I up and decided to write him a closure note, once and for all--which did nothing in the way of closing this whole affair. I was leaving my apt one day and I heard someone give me the warmest, nicest hello. I looked up astonished to see it was him. And then when I took my trash down, he was down there and he did the talking, believe me. I mean, my brain just kinda took a hike. I just smiled and listened, glad that I was wearing lipstick, lol.

Then a week later, I get home and I see him exiting his apt and I stay in the car to avoid more of the same--because he never farking telephoned me like he said he would the week before. And my stupid hand clicked on the floor lite of the car and he saw. So he drives over to me in his truck and chats some more--this time mentioning "feelings," and friendship and even eagerly shook my free hand (that wasn't aching from holding groceries--one bag with a large can of shortening in it) to sort of "clinch" the whole deal.

So as it stands, there's not a thing I can say in my defense or his, either--just not a leg to stand on here. The only thing I can muster, is that if he has been seeing someone else, he can't be all that committed to her, if he's wanting to see me like that.

Anyway, thanks for reading this sad story--that ain't likely to change for the better!

[eightball61]

You have to learn just to be strong. He lives two doors down but that doesn't mean you have to fall into his tricks and going over to just to see somthing new he got. A computer is a computer and there is no WOW to it. You went there thinking more would happen out of this and it didn't get you nowhere accept back to where you were before.

You have to learn just to hold up and not allow this to happen. If you keep allowing it to happen then you are just as fault to everything because you never put a stop to it. He has not treated you the best and thats why you need to just stay stay away. You can't keep giving him what he wants and think he will come back to you because it hasn't proven it doesn't work.

[Diablo]

So Pam; could ya clue me in on how he does it?

[Pamelina]

Honest to God, Diablo, I don't know.

Let me describe him for you: 40's, skinny and not real tall--and I usually love tall guys because I am 5'6"--he has rather crooked teeth, short and fairly thin hair, that even kind of has these kind of Dennis the Menace cowlicks.

But I'm pretty sure it's his eyes I never forget--nasty and dark blue; what's more, he's a pistol.

I haven't called him--and I don't intend to except to get my space heater back. I brought it over there because I'm used to the humming white noise while I sleep, but I even forgot to turn the thing on while I was there, listening to him jabber til I finally konked out at two am, having to get up at 7.

As I was grabbing my things the next morning (to make as hasty an exit as poss), he cheerfully said, wow do you look wasted! And the last thing I said was, gee, thanks! I think those two words sum up this whole relationship rather aptly for me--gee, thanks (for nothing).

And he either doesn't care anything about me or he's a complete nitwit at showing those kinds of feelings to a woman--beyond , that is. When him and his wife of 25 years were married, she wore the pants the whole time--they kept separate incomes and she gave up trying to carry on any kind of meaningful conversation with him--took of on trips without him even, one time for a month. The drift I get from his last litany of complaints about her (in bed with me) is that he was treated more like a harebrained son than a husband.

So I do see the light, people--really I do! It's just gonna take time to get completely outta the woods with this.

[eightball61]

It's just gonna take time to get completely outta the woods with this.


Then what you need to do is not allow yourself to step foot in his place nor his foot in yours. You allready have been hurt then got hurt again. It just proves this guys doesn't want anything except a warm body when needed. There is no need for you to keep putting yourself through this. If you allow this to happen then you allow the hurt to happen and I won't feel bad next time. Don't play by his tricks....You know he isn't a good guy. He is now just a neighbor so treat the relationship as that and nothing more. This is will only contnue if you allow it to continue. Try to be strong and move on like you plan to. If he says anything to you keep it short like you have been and move on.

[Pamelina]

Well, eightball, fortunately I don't feel as terribly hurt this time. I had a pretty good weekend and tho I thought about him, I didn't mourn like I did those other weeks--that was just awful for me, a real nightmare. The guy's a disappointment and I can't even imagine any kind of "friendship" even down the way--based on what?

I do have to see him again to get a couple things I left--in my effort to fly out of there the other morning. But I can call and ask for them; even leave a message if he doesn't answer. And then just stand at the door for him to hand them to me some afternoon when he's gotten home from work.

I think I needed to be with him one more to really let go. And that seems to be happening in various stages for me. Sometimes you just need to see how impractical (not just hurtful) a relationship is--and not real.

[eightball61]

If you have to get some things from his place then put a not on his door to leave the stuff outside your door and you will pick them up. Soing this will create a safety of you not going in that guys place nor seeing him or talking to him. If you have to face it then just go in and go out without saying a damn word. Bring a cellphone with you if you have to if you need to call for help. Sorry if I am making this guy to be a preditor but I dont trust him anymore and neither should you.

[Pamelina]

Can do--very good plan and other than sending somebody else over there for the fan, is the safest way to do it.

I have never seen a guy be so aggressive and yet that noncommital since high school.

Thanks so much, eightie, for all your help and caring!

[eightball61]

Your welcome and please keep me updated on this situation. I know there won't be much of an update after you get your stuff but I like to know how you did it and what your next steps will be...Just keep you head up and don't let this ruin future relationship attempt for you. He was just a rotten apple in the bunch....It happens. :D

[Pamelina]

Eightie and anyone else interested, I'm just not over him yet. :o But I am trying to remain strong, as we discussed. And I take it one day at a time, believe me.

:confused: What the hell is this pull, this gravitation--some sort of spell/past life somethin' or other? You got me.

[eightball61]

Thanks for keeping us updated. It didn't surprise me that there was not much to update because healing takes time. Even though he didn't treat you right it still takes time to get over and heal. Pam, please keep coming by here to post like you are and keep us updated on your situation. :)

Thanks
8ball

[MissCheivious]

Eightie and anyone else interested, I'm just not over him yet. :o But I am trying to remain strong, as we discussed. And I take it one day at a time, believe me.

:confused: What the hell is this pull, this gravitation--some sort of spell/past life somethin' or other? You got me.I doubt you guys were together in a past life. You sound like a wonderful, smart woman and he sounds like a complete twit! :D I think you might just want him because he's playing hard to get/non-commitial. That ususally gets ANYONE. I think it's human nature to want what we can't have even if that thing isn't that great. Don't beat yourself up over sleeping with him again. It's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but, if you're feeling hurt over it, don't do it again. Don't let him take advantage of you like that and we all know (some us of, all too well), that alot of people love to have the upper hand and do the rejecting, especially if he used to be in a relationship where he thought he was the one with no control. You're not his ex wife so whatever vendetta he has against all women is NOT your problem. Personally, I think it's a bit tacky of him to talk about his ex wife while he's in bed with you. Sure, talk about past relationships but there's a time and a place. He might've said these things to give you a hint that HE wants to run it. Whatever "it" is right now. The best thing to do is just act like he doesn't exsist and if he does talk to you, be as nice and happy as possible. Even if you want to rip his face off his head. ;) Good luck!!

[eightball61]

Hey Misscheivious,

Here's an update in her you may be able to help her out on more than I could. :p

http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=512

[MissCheivious]

Yikes! I did see that but I really don't have an knowledge in that area except what Rich said to do. :(

[eightball61]

Yikes! I did see that but I really don't have an knowledge in that area except what Rich said to do. :(




yuh...lol :p Though you may because your a girl but thats ok :D We still love you ;)

[Pamelina]

"..love to have the upper hand and do the rejecting..."--MC, you are right on the money. I just don't think it could be said any better.

I think he needs to have the upper hand in a lotta things--strikes me as obsessive/compulsive, too. He practically does everything by a stopwatch, and is a walking/talking financial statement for himself. He informs each and every person how he gets, saves, and keeps his money at any opportunity in a conversation. Like he wants to prove the ex didn't decimate him $-wise. It's just awful to listen to. For example, he'll ask how much my utility bill was the past month, and no matter what I say, his will be lower: "Well, I..."

So, I guess you could say, I didn't even like this guy, let alone enjoy what little we had.

Anyhoo, thanks, you two, for the input!

[eightball61]

It will take time to heal but he has proven not to be the right one for you.