just wondering what one thinks about this letter...

[pharm4u]

Hi there Rich & eightball61...when you get a chance can you please have a look at this, much appreciated...should I send/email this letter? please feel free to make suggestions...thanks again!

Dear Matthew,

When I first lost you 2 and a half years ago, it was a time of sorrow, but when I lost you 10 months ago, it was one of the worst heartbreaksI have endured and it still remains one of the worst pains I have ever felt.

I open my eyes and believe it or not, I expect to see your sweet face, but see nothing except an empty space. I know that you want to have a "family" more than anything and that you want to get on with your life etc., I know that you want to do what is right. FYI, I am officially divorced and as such I have no ties whatsoever to anyone. I regret that I was not able to really be myself. I often ask myself, does one get the chance to do something so important over again?

It feels odd that I would be writing you after all this time, but I believe for my own sanity--that I should follow my heart and let you know that my feelings for you have never changed. I just cannot forget all of the promises you made to me, about you and I wanting to start a family and that you would want to fulfill that dream...

I don't mean to cry, I try to hold onto my pride, but when I look back upon the pictures of us both, the emails, trips etc, it becomes very difficult.

I love you and I want to give my heart to you because I choose to, not because I am afraid to be alone. I want to give to you because it is an expression of who I am and of the love I still have for you. I know that I am communicating honestly with you and by opening up my heart to you, I am being not only risky but also vulnerable. I do not want any regrets in my life. If this feels intrusive, I am sorry but I needed to do this...BTW, Matthew I know that you are worth the chance.

I am so sorry for what has transpired between us, i guess I can blame the circumstances that were present.

Love you,
Ruth

[eightball61]

Its good letter where you explain how you feel. The thing you have to remember though that this is to your "ex. husband". I don't mean to be negative here but I want you to view all side of what can happen. I just dont want to leave you out in the open where you didn't know what to expected happened.

What I mean is it could end up being Hollywood style where he soaks into the letter and you both live happily ever after. The other case that can happen here is that with him being an ex he may just read it and nothing more may come out of it. In this case though use this letter as a sense of closure also. He may just want to move on with things and put things to rest.

You may be hurt from this but at least you got it out there and may help you to move on. A lot has happened in the last 2 years with you in your life and now would be the proper time to move on and start something new for yourself. Just wait though till you give him this letter and if he wants to talk about it then allow it to happen but if he doesn't then dont take it as a total shock. That will mean he just wants to move on with things in his life. I would stilll mail the letter to him or drop it in his mail box and wait some time for a response but dont wait forever.

[pharm4u]

;) I really appreciate your feedback on my letter, the only problem is that it is not for my ex-husband but it is for my boyfriend of whom we were together for 2 and a half years, sorry if I have made this confusing. The reason for my divorce was because my ex didn't want to start a family after 11 years, so I ended up going out with his friend. It was a very difficult time, since they were friends. My ex-husband was in shock, I guess I didn't realize the repercussions that would arise out of it. They didn't speak back when this whole ordeal started and it remains the same now. So, I am not sure if this clarifies the problem, but I may end up having to re-write the letter...so it is the boyfriend who has been dating this other person. I am truly wondering how he couldn't wait for another couple of months, I had no control over my final divorce. I wonder if he really had the feelings & love that he so-called claimed?? Do you believe that relationships can be reconciled after a certain amount of time has elapsed? If the feelings were true, then I know they could...Just wondering what I can do now? Maybe you and Rich can put your wise heads together and come up with something?
Hope to hear from you both soon! Thanks a million!

[eightball61]

so it is the boyfriend who has been dating this other person. !


First mistake here: Don't call him your boyfriend when he is with someone else at the moment. You both are not together. This letter will just provide feeling you have for him and closure to what going on. If he decides to come back then you have won him back but if he doesn't like I stated in the last post then don't be shocked and use this as a closure letter. He is seeking new things at the giving moment and may not be ready for anytype of relationship with you yet.

There is not much you can do now. You can't force someone to come back to you. The letter is not an attempt to get him back. Its more used as a closure peace for you and if it does work something good then charish that. A persons feelings can only be controlled by themselves. You are making an attempt to see what happens afterwards but you never know what may happen. Try not to wonder or read his mind to much. You need to concentrate on what you want at the moment and if that doesn't work you need to have a backup plan to head a different direction.

[Rich]

Sorry for my delay in responding. I haven't been online as much the last few days.

Your letter reads very nice and should do the trick. I think that it expresses your feelings and should open the door, if he wants to try it.

The only comment that I would make is that you really don't come to the point at the end. You sort of end the letter with no conclusion as to what you want. IMO maybe you could have been more concise in what you wanted by stating that you would like to start dating again if he wanted to. You could also have been a bit bold and said that you love him and always have and that you will not take no for an answer. That you want him back.

Here's a thought. With baseball season coming up, buy two tickets to opening day or another game real soon and send him one of those tickets in some flowers. Include a note that you have the other ticket and that you would love to go with him or meet him there. Or you could hope that he would go to the game and you just show up and sit next to him. That's just my thought.

Another thought is that you need to pursue what you want in life. Put on a full court press and win him back. Don't give up until it's dead, dead. Guys always pursue girls with little gifts or what have you....so do the same in reverse. If you really, really want him, then go get him. If he's dating someone else right now, then tough shit on her. Go get your man, if that's how you feel and you know deep within that what you had was real the first time.

Rich

[Pamelina]

Really good advice given here that I can't improve on. I applaud how you've taken this letter-writing step, which is hard--like going out on a limb. But in doing that, hopefully you will get a positive response or at least one that lets you know for sure where the two of you stand at this point in time.

Take care and I wish you the very best!

[Rich]

The beauty of writing a letter to express your feelings, and this goes for any relationship, is that it get's your feelings across to your partner, ex, or whatever in a way that it is totally received.

Typically when people speak to each other, they're not really listening to all that is being said. People often hear what they want to hear or they're forming their response in thier head while the other person is still speaking.

By writing a letter the other person reads all of it and it allows you to accurately express your feelings. You can write and re-write as much as you want to get it the way that you want before you send it. Where as, once you speak and the words come out, you're stuck with what was said.

Writing also takes the emotion out of the conversation. You won't get carried away like you might do when face to face with someone.

Writing a letter is just a very nice and succinct way of expressing yourself.

[Chiky]

:) :) www.LTP-Dating.com