Boyfriend and

[jomusic83]

He is addicted to and constantly looks at it online and lies to me about it. I have given him 4 chances and he has failed each time and I see no improvement of him wanting to stop. I told him that I am not giving him anymore chances and if I see it again, I am leaving him. Is this the right thing to do?

[2BDMD]

He is addicted to and constantly looks at it online and lies to me about it. I have given him 4 chances and he has failed each time and I see no improvement of him wanting to stop. I told him that I am not giving him anymore chances and if I see it again, I am leaving him. Is this the right thing to do?

No, I don't believe it's the correct thing to do unless is ruining your relationship. I had an ex that can't stand me watching (magazines, online, DVDs, websites, etc.). Now, I'm not a freak where I need to get me excited or that I need to watch it everyday, even just once in a great while, my ex would freak out!

Now, I'm in a new relationship where my GF watches movies with me, she enjoys it with me and I can't believe it since this is all new to me. We need women that understands our needs, that are open to things, and willing to try new things. Watching is just like boys will always look at other women, we need our time with just guys, we watch sports, and we drink beer!

On the other side of the token, if by watching , your BF is ditching you and neglecting you in the bedroom, now that is a problem. When a guy prefers to wack off with instead of satisfying his live beautiful SO, then that is a problem and I would dump that guy in a heartbeat! If your BF is still attentive to you and everything is dindy, let him watch some !

If you're dating him for the future, then you have to get past this problem. If this is a problem you absolutely can not stand, then I'm afraid there is no future for you two. Looking back retrospectively, I am so glad that I am no longer with my ex that can not stand me looking at stuff. As a guy, I believe looking at is not only normal, but also a healthy thing to do.

One last thing, often guys in relationship watches is simply because they feel unsatisfied in the bedroom, whether it's you not doing enough or he simply has a fetish (example, he love big tits and you have small tits).

Good luck figuring this out. You either need to accept him and figure what is turning him on and try to provide that missing link

or

You need to break it off and find a guy that doesn't watch at all (good luck with that)! :rolleyes:

[eightball61]

What is bothering you the most about ? Do you feel insecure that he is looking at other girls that he will never get? Is it running into the time?

You need to answers these so I have a better view of the situation.

You ask if you should break it off when you said that you are going to leave him...what is it you want? I feel that you dont want to leave him...You need to see though that this is something normal for a male to do and thats why this industry is so big. Have you tried to understand why he does it? Maybe try watching it with him and see if you like it too?

It all sounds odd but it really doesn't matter on who you date because they will look at one way or another. The lies suck and he may be doing that because he feel embarressed when you bring up a personal issue like this or he feels if he hides it it will make things better. You need to make a solid decision though to what YOU want.

[bdtraders]

I dont think the major issue is the here but the fact that he LIES about it. To me and lie is a reason to question trust. If you dont like the and he does then you either need to get over that he looks at it but is with you, or leave him. Its not fair to him for you to tell him what he can and cant do. Imagine him telling you not to watch a certain tv show or look at a certain magazine. The only differnce is his is . Hes with you, he cares about you, its ust video and paper, no biggie.
Im sure your sitting there going typical guy resonze , all guys like , and thats not true, i an take it or leave it and done watch it or look at it in magazines, cause im the type of person that looking at the video or magazine does nothing for me, I need my GF in the flesh to "get off" on it.
But back to the topic, I think what bothers you the most is the lieing, how bout you tell him he can watch and look at what he chooses you can care less but please dont do it around you and in your precense. Also tell him to not lie to you about it oing forward, you wount ask so he wont have to lie.
Now is the effecting your life? Is he masturbating more then he makes love to you? Does he have centerfolds plastered on walls all over the place? Is it child ?
IF its really a BIG issue to you then leave. Try this , one night become one the girls in his videos. Go out to him and tell him he can either have the video or come have the real thing, or tell him that he can pick his favorite video and you will act along with it, or get a digital camera and let him take some private shos for just you and him. Just some ideas.

[2BDMD]

I dont think the major issue is the here but the fact that he LIES about it.
What do you think is the reason for this guy to lie? The answer is ! When you are infected with a disease, you want to treat the disease and not the symptoms! If she accepts , then he'll have no reasons to lie, am I correct?

All guy look at , we may not be addicted as others, but we all look at them. I have never met a guy who's never seen , even my Mormon colleagues have seen at one point or the other.

[bdtraders]

He shouldnt lie about it period!!!! If he looks at it then he looks at it, he dosent need to lie on top of it. Kinda like a kid with cookie crumbs around his mouth and his mom asking him if he ate a cookie and he says no. TO ME they are to seperate issues, & LIEING, so he looks at BIG DEAL, but then he lies on top of it. What else does he lie about? He just needs to be honest with her that YEP iwas looking at , if you choose to leave me because I look at then.......or yea sorry i looked at it but im addicted and i need help. but theres NO reason to lie about it, that just makes the problem worse.
As far as all guys have seen Your right, I ve seen it to, but I dont need it and choose not to have it in my life.
And as far as "If she accepts , then he'll have no reasons to lie, am I correct?" Your right he will have no reason to lie about "the " whats he gonna lie about next. The POINT IS he dosent need to lie about the right now. Just face up to it and say yup i choose to view it, dont hide behind a lie and make it worse. Lies lead to distrust, distrust leads to hate, hate leads to anger and anger leads to NOTHING ever getting resolved.
TO ME (hence the reson I said "I dont think the major issue is the here but the fact that he LIES about it." note how I said "I" and not "her", it was my opinion) the is not a big issue, the big issue is that he has to compound the issue by lieing, she may not agree but that would be MY issue, the fact that he also has to lie about it.

[eightball61]

I agree that lieing is the huge issue and as I pointed out he may be lieing in the share of embarressment or because he thinks she won't know. Either way its wrong to lie and we all know that. What he is doing is something very normal. Its bothers her that he does it but more bothers her over the lies and it makes this worse . She needs to figure out what this is doing to her and whats ruinging the relationship. Personally, I see no wrong to this except for the lies because its normal but what I do see wrong here and she needs to analyze is if anything is lacking on thier personal time and the lies.

[2BDMD]

I told him that I am not giving him anymore chances and if I see it again, I am leaving him.

Based on this statement, it sounds to me that the OP is more upset about her BF looking at . Of course, lying is a no-no, but I believe it's the that's pissing the OP off than anything.

I suppose, the OP need to be more specific exactly what she is more pissed about! Regardless, great suggestions gentlemen. Who says men don't know anything!?

[eightball61]

Its a mix of both that I see she is made about. She is mad he lied all these times and she found it again and mad that she gave to many chances and still runs into the continueing of lieing. I really think we have this all figured out...what she needs to come back on is specify what she really wants and if this is interrupting bed time fun.

[bdtraders]

Yea she needs to get over the whole thing, hes with her, she needs to think higher of herself if she is intimidated by . My SO dosent like either and likes the fact that i dont have it around, but when i have brought it up about getting a video or a mag just to see her reaction she said she didnt care as long as the kids didnt see it. Most women will except it as a form of life, we dont ask you to quit comparing us to your COSMO articles..LOL Just kidding.
Anyway Jomusic83, decide if your reltionship is stronger then what he looks at, hes with you. If you cant stand then like 2bdmd said good luck.

[eightball61]

Its either you can stand it or can't but if she can't then she will end up facing the same thing with another guy because its normal. I just want to know if its interrupting the bedroom time???

[jomusic83]

I told him that it makes me feel that he isn't satisfied with me but he says that isn't the reason. When he sits at the computer and smiles and oo's and aww's, I can't help but wonder if he was lying about that too. Yes, lying is the major concern, but him looking at makes me think he needs other options, like I can't fullfil him, but he disagrees.

[eightball61]

needs other options, like I can't fullfil him, but he disagrees.

Can you please annswer this for me?

Is you time interrupted by this? Anotherwords, has there been a time or times that you wanted but he said that he wasn't interested due to this?

[Rich]

No, it's not the right thing to do.

You should have left already instead of giving one more try!!

He lies to you.

He can't control himself.

By lying he's chosing over you.

What more of a wake up call are you waiting for?

Wake up and leave already. IMO.

Rich

[jomusic83]

He is usually the one so he wants as much as he can get.

[eightball61]

Ok..so its not interrupting anything in the department. We all have different hormones and his is just off the wire and he likes getting off. You now have to make the determination if this is something you can stand. I will say that getting into another relationship woth another partner and they not ever looking at will be slim to find. You need to make a wise decision here but you will never know whats out there if you don't look but the majority of men do look at . Some look more often than others but most men still look at it from time to time. There is no way of stopping it that I can see or help you with.

[inquisitive]

If it makes you uncomfortable, and you don't think you'll ever be able to be comfortable then I think you should leave. Men do not "need" . If he felt he did then he shouldn't have lied to you about it. Lieing is disrespectful to you, and your relationship!

[eightball61]

Men do not "need" .!


"Yes We Do"....lol :p :D


ps....just figured i'd thow in a little laughter here :p

[11110000]

A relationship is a committment to one another.

In my opinion, if your guy is looking at other nakid girls then he isn't showing much committment to you. Also, it shows that he has NO respect for you.

Ask him if he would be okay with you asking a guy to strip while you masterbasted - I bet you that he will say no because it would be considered cheating. Well looking at is the exact same thing in my opinion.

A lot of guys like to bs you into thinking that it's not a big deal, etc... but ask yourself this: what the heck do you think they are doing while looking at . One clue would be that they aren't thinking about you, etc... In my experience, I have found that most ugly guys look at and dream about those girls b/c in real life they can't get one. Again, in my experience, hot guys usually do not look at because they can get girls that look like that in real life. For instance, my professor is married to a victoria secret model and it is obvious that he loves his wife very much and does not look at . Why? He doesn't have too.

In my opinion, I think you should ditch this guy. It is really a matter of respect. Do you want to live your entire life with a guy that doesn't even love you or desire you. I should hope not b/c you deserve better. I don't know you but I will say that because everyone deserves a chance at happiness.

Believe it or not there are men out there that do not look at .... very few... but they are out there.

good luck :)

[jomusic83]

He says he is getting ideas for us but I find that hard to believe. He hasn't looked at in about a week but that is only because I have put a block on the computer. He hasn't complained all that much either, so we will see what happens.

[eightball61]

If he is looking for ideas then why don't you both go to an adult store together. Look at all the items and ide that seem to interest you both and purchase a few things. If he has a fetish to look at then maybe get a movie and you both can watch it together with a bowl of popcorn and then allow the movie to guide you both into pleasure for yourselfs. Get a few toys for you both to play with to make things more interesting for when you both do oral.

[jomusic83]

I think I will mention that next time I catch him looking at it. I'll mention about going to an adult store and see what his reaction is and maybe find the truth behind all of this. Thanks!

[eightball61]

If you approacht he idea to him don't do it in a y manner. Approach the idea out of the blue to go and see what he thinks. Tell him that it bothers you that he looks at this stuff and you prefer to have all the fun while you both are together. You have to be open minded and agree to some of his fetishes. This can be a great opportunity for you to seek something that may be fun that you never thought you'd enjoy before....goodluck :D

[jomusic83]

Yeah, i will be nice about it and come out with it out of the blue thanks!

[eightball61]

Yeah, i will be nice about it and come out with it out of the blue thanks!


Let us know what happens ;)

[jomusic83]

Once again, he is looking at and lying to me about it. I was in tears earlier when I found the information. It hurts so bad. I told him I would leave but I have no where to go and he knows that.

[eightball61]

Think about other hings that could be worse such as abuse and cheating. To many people this seems minor but to you because of your beliefs it major. The only way for him to stop looking at net is if you through out the computer or disconnect the net. Even i that case he can go buy or rent a . No matter what its out there if he wants it bad enought. Its boils down to respect and thats something he lacks right now.

[Rich]

People should never put themselves in a position of being totally supported by someone else. It creates the feeling of being trapped and at that point you need to capitualte and accept things that you might not normally accept.

This isn't so much true for stay at home moms because that's a different route. But stay at home moms should still try to work part time when the kids start school just to keep their feet wet in the job market, sort of speak.

From what you're saying, I don't think that you have kids together, so what would be your reason for feeling trapped?

If you don't have a job where you can afford your own place, then educate yourself to get a better job. There are also ads in papers for people who are looking for roomates. So that might help you.

The last thing that you want is to be in a relationship where you feel trapped into being in it. You won't be happy and it won't work.

You should start working to extricate yourself from your predicament. This guy isn't your long term life partner by the way that he lies to you and disrespects your feelings.

Time to go.

Rich

[eightball61]

Rich, has good insight about the job issue and I would like to add some to that. In order to educate yourself for a better job that will require money but to start off you don't need a top position. You can always start small like waiting tables to make money to live on and save. This kind of job won't be something you keep forever.

Right now I work at an insurence firm for disability. I make decent money here but if I was ever fired or laid off I wouldn't wait for another position with that pay to come to me. My goal is to still make money from having another job and still look at the same time.

My point to this is its better making a little bit of money than having no money at all........

[inquisitive]

"Yes We Do"....lol :p :D


ps....just figured i'd thow in a little laughter here :p

lol Thats just what you'd like us to believe :p

[eightball61]

lol Thats just what you'd like us to believe :p


Well Me & Rich are always around to share some guy love here for you girls that don't understand us men :p :D

[icanhelp]

ok he really does need to stop but i dont think breaking up over the whole thing is really the answer your looking for