My boyfriend never told me that he married and kept betraying his wife!

[dgharghi]

My boyfriend of three(3) years, spent almost two-years of our relationship, married but he never told me about it. Every day of this past two years he called me from hospitals-where he works- at least 3 or 4 times per day and told me never call me because he is on call or so and then later he even changed his phone number, but convinced me that his cell phone is for his work and he does not want to be disturbed while he is at work (he is a medical resident).
we live in different cities, he came and visited me in past two years many times and never had a ring or talking about getting married. Until last month I got a call that he is married and has a one-week-old baby, although he talked to me on the phone every single day of past 9 months (his wife's pregnancy).
During this past 2 years he made me to have -call with him and told me it is because of being in long-distance I should be the good-girl friend. He always knew that I hate women who have affair with married men and have always condemned this. I would like to know if I can sue him for verbally, emotionally and physically abusing me, and harassing me with his calls and text messages and -chats and also suing him for abusing my trust and lying to me about him-being single while he was married and to insult and belittle my morality? Specially that I have always told him, I hate men who betray their wives or women who cheat on their husbands, but he hide his marriage and continued his relationship with me only to belittle my self-esteem and morality.
I should just mention that I am a well-educated, athletic woman who is a fine artist and scientist too, and completely independent woman, but still he fooled me and abused my trust. He is a physician and I expected the highest level of morality from him, but he is only a jerk who does not value humanity and I realized that morality and fidelity has nothing to do with education. The problem is that I got such shocked with this news that I collapsed and got so weak and sick that flue could get over me for three weeks. And I am still recovering from shock and disease. but I felt so fragile and broken that I didn't go to doctor because I do not trust them anymore. although I know that I should not generalize, but I was in a wandering and shocking mood that didn't want to see any doctor anymore.
why did I trust him? I did not jump into this relationship, we were only-friends for one year in 2006, but then he started sending me emails and calling me asking to improve our relationship to boyfriend-girlfriend. I still have his emails. He begged me to be with him, and I knew his brother and friends and was sure that he is a good guy and single. but what happened that he married another woman without breaking-up with me? and if he liked his wife then why he betrayed her all the time(from first day of his marriage!) and why did he continue contacting me?
I believe that he wanted to belittle my moral values and ridicule them. and he used "relationship" for belittling them. He knew that I am against "oral ", " chat", "having affair with married people", but he injected them into my veins through using our relationship and my trust to him. He used "this is part of relationship" to convince me for chat or oral . and I accepted them because for him, because he was the only man of my life who I was in ual relation with, he took my virginity and was sure that he is my first. although I had many suitors and he was aware of them, but he told me to reject them, because we are together, I rejected all those guys and they are now happily married, I am happy for them. But this jerk took four valuable years of my years for embarrassing me and belittling my values.
I remember when I started taking my flight lessons he teased me, or each time I had a publication he only teased me, he never encouraged me. he always laughing at me and when I complained he told me that I am too sensitive and he is just joking..... I think these were all red flags that I sadly ignored :( now I learned my lesson and I strongly believe that I should sue him, to teach him a lesson never abuses any other woman or lies to any woman about being single, or betrays either his wife, or his future-wives!!!!!!

I think I should sue him for the sake of his child, he is father of this baby, a father who is betraying his family and abusing women, and harassing them. I do not know what he is doing with his wife! but he needs to be stopped before this child grows up, and he is "the father" who is going to raise his child the way he himself is. he is breeding and expanding the society of criminals and abusers. he is also dangerous for the public as a physician, patients will go to his office one day to get diagnosis, but he is not a trusty person, he is an abuser and very dangerous. special that I heard from a friend who lives in his city that he wanted to rape his student when he was in her home for private tutoring. I confirmed this with the girl, because it was hard for me to believe that all this time I was in love with an evil and a criminal! I am sure he is not going to stop abusing women.

he needs to be stopped! It is good for the baby and women who live in this country!!!!
and most importantly putting my life in danger (I am from Muslim country who stone woman who has affair with married man to death, but leave the man run on his foot), I believe that he risked my life for his ego or whatever his reason was.
I truly appreciate your help.

[smackie9]

For one thing you live in Canada and you cannot sue a man for cheating on you no matter who they are or what they do. It is not against the law. Second, this was a long distance relationship. You take your chances doing so. Yes you were made a fool....only because of poor judgment on your part. Buck it up sister, you messed up. Get over it. Next time hire a private investigator to do a background check on the next poor soul that dates you.

[eightball61]

It sucks things had to end the way they did but be glad it did. In each relationship you need to trust the person the same as you would to anyone. Giving them that chance gives them a fair chance. Yes, there always a bad apple in every crowd but again its over. You can,t blame yourself to much because what you saw everything was legit. Close all communication with the and timw to move ahead.

[becks326]

Forget him and move on. Is that guy worth anything? And don't batter yourself.

[Rich]

You might find a lawyer to take on your case and it would be an interesting "test case". He perpetrated a fraud against you and caused you damages. Maybe not neccessarily financial damages, but emotional and psychological damage nonetheless.

If you have the time and money to pay for a lawyer and want to teach him a lesson, then go for it. You probably won't win, but you will definately ruin his life and make him "pay" for what he did to you.

He will be dragged through the courts. His name will go in the paper. His wife, family and co-workers will know what type of man that he really is. He'll have to pay allot of money for his defense.

Go for it.

Just one other thing. You mention that you don't believe in oral . Why is that? In a relationship both partners should want to please and get please in every way possible. Use every inch of your body and every tool at your disposal.

You shouldn't be so closed off about that.

[smackie9]

If you have the time and money to pay for a lawyer and want to teach him a lesson, then go for it. You probably won't win, but you will definately ruin his life and make him "pay" for what he did to you.

He will be dragged through the courts. His name will go in the paper. His wife, family and co-workers will know what type of man that he really is. He'll have to pay allot of money for his defense.

Go for it.


Rich she lives in Quebec. Canadians don't go around suing each other. Nor can you sue for them cheating....it's not against the law and no lawyer here will touch it. It's a personal matter. I think revenge is petty. I believe in Karma. He Will get his because of the person he is. He will get hit where every man hurts....his wallet. I foresee an ugly divorce and huge child support payments. Here you don't stop paying at 18. If they decide to go to college or uni, then they have to pay for that too. If she really wants to get back, go to the wife and reveal all.

[smackie9]

Here's a red flag tip when dating. If the guy has restrictions on when you can call, seeing them, or they only go to your place and you have never been to theirs........that's a real good indication they are already in a relationship.

[Rich]

It's not just cheating. He perpetrated a fraud. What's the difference if someone is defrauded out of money or time/emotion/mental acuity/feelings? The kicker would be if he ever talked about marriage with this girl because then it's an open and shut case of fraud as he never had any intentions of marrying her.

I'm just saying that it could be a landmark case. Would she get punative damages? Did she not move and take a more lucrative job because of him? That's a financial loss?

I'm sure that lawyers can make up a bunch more stuff too.

Hey, she probably won't win but she'll make his life a living hell.

[PrincessB]

Smackie's right. I too am Canadian and you're S.O.L. Canadians tend to be a little more apathetic and the chances of such an affair ruining his career are slim. If the girl he allegedly attempted to rape doesn't file suit against him then that is just hearsay (in the court of law) and also would not ruin his career.

It is not up to you to ruin his marriage. Let him do that on his own. In time the truth will be revealed and that is his problem. Not yours. Whether the truth comes out now or ten years from now is not important. You have the opportunity to walk away and move on with your life and that is what I'd suggest you do. Don't worry about the wife... Don't even go there! Some women prefer to live in denial of their husband's indiscretions and any meddling on your part will only result in complications for you...and you alone.

You no longer live in a Muslim country so your fear of being stigmatized or brutally punished for your relationship with the cad are not necessary. You did not willingly engage in the extra marital affair because you were not aware that he was married.

I understand that you are upset but revenge is not the answer. It is not healthy and will only serve to cause you more harm. Try to move forward and be more selective of your romantic partners in the future.

[PrincessB]

It's not just cheating. He perpetrated a fraud. What's the difference if someone is defrauded out of money or time/emotion/mental acuity/feelings? The kicker would be if he ever talked about marriage with this girl because then it's an open and shut case of fraud as he never had any intentions of marrying her.

I'm just saying that it could be a landmark case. Would she get punative damages? Did she not move and take a more lucrative job because of him? That's a financial loss?

I'm sure that lawyers can make up a bunch more stuff too.

Hey, she probably won't win but she'll make his life a living hell.

Umm, yeah. Not in Canada Rich. The public wouldn't support her, the judicial system wouldn't support her, and a lawyer with a good reputation wouldn't touch this one. Legal pursuit would result in a smear campaign and the media would ridicule her. People with even more just cause do not get justice sometimes in this country. Canada is an apathetic nation with a morally destitute legal system.

[Rich]

Fraud is fraud. I'm sure that fraud is against the law in Canada as well.

[smackie9]

Fraud is fraud. I'm sure that fraud is against the law in Canada as well.

This shit happens everyday. This a personal issue, not a Judaical issue. S H I T if every woman took a man to court over something like this, there would be a 100 year back log. Now if it involved a business deal, thief of ID, money or property, kidnapping, or polygamy, then she would have a case. There's many of men out there that pull off the ring. It's just a crime of the heart.

[Rich]

Maybe it wouldn't happen every day if the people that did it paid a price inthe court system.

You're down in the weeds. The 10,000 foot view is that it would be a landmark case if she had the time and money to pursue it. A lawyer would never turn down a client with money.

If his actions and lying caused her to make decisions that she would have neccessarily made other wise, then there's cause.

If he promised to marry her under false pretenses and she turned down a more lucrative job offer to wait for him, did she then not suffer a financial loss???

I'm just saying that it skirts on the edge of being a case and if she has money to burn, then go for it?

Who would have thought that you could sue McDonald's for burning your lap because you bought one of their coffees and you dropped it in your own lap. True case. They won.

Would would have thought that a thief getting trapped (by his own doing) in someones garage after trying to break into their home while they were on a weeks vacation could sue the homeowners for entrapment.....and win? True case.

A guy buys a motor home and while driving puts it on cruise control and thinks that it's auto pilot, gets up from behind the wheel to go to the bathroom and then crashes. He sues the maker of the motor home and when a few hundred thousand dollars. True case.

A guy buys an expensive cigar, insures it, then smokes it and then files a claim with the insurance carrier for fire damage to the cigar and wins in court after the insurance carrier refused to pay because the fire damage was caused by the flame of the lighter. The irony is that after the courts found that the insurance carrier had to pay and they did, they then had him arrested for a fraudulant claim because the fire damage was self inflicted.

You just can't make this stuff up. The court systems are all screwed up and I'm sure that it's not just the US system that's screwed.

[PrincessB]

Fraud is fraud. I'm sure that fraud is against the law in Canada as well.

What that man did is not considered to be fraud here. The Canadian justice system isn't going to waste time and money for a scorned woman and in the eyes of the law that's all it is. We're not trying to discourage the OP. Her revenge is not going to happen through the legal system.

Even if the guy gave her an STD there would be nothing she could do. We live under a babysitter government but when it comes to your personal relationships you are responsible for those yourself. Unless physical abuse is documented and proven without a doubt, or monetary loss (as what Smackie described) she has absolutely nothing.

Come on Rich....People here commit a murder and can be out in five years! A judge won't even give the OP's slimeball ex a slap on the wrist. Recently a man brutalized his wife nearly to death, raped, and repeatedly ually assaulted her. He received two year's probation and some community service.

I don't agree with the system and do my due diligence to create dialogue, write letters, and bring awareness to such wrongs in our system. That doesn't change the fact that it is what it is and the law does not compensate for a broken heart and poor judgment.

[PrincessB]

Maybe it wouldn't happen every day if the people that did it paid a price inthe court system.

You're down in the weeds. The 10,000 foot view is that it would be a landmark case if she had the time and money to pursue it. A lawyer would never turn down a client with money.

If his actions and lying caused her to make decisions that she would have neccessarily made other wise, then there's cause.

If he promised to marry her under false pretenses and she turned down a more lucrative job offer to wait for him, did she then not suffer a financial loss???

I'm just saying that it skirts on the edge of being a case and if she has money to burn, then go for it?

Who would have thought that you could sue McDonald's for burning your lap because you bought one of their coffees and you dropped it in your own lap. True case. They won.

Would would have thought that a thief getting trapped (by his own doing) in someones garage after trying to break into their home while they were on a weeks vacation could sue the homeowners for entrapment.....and win? True case.

A guy buys a motor home and while driving puts it on cruise control and thinks that it's auto pilot, gets up from behind the wheel to go to the bathroom and then crashes. He sues the maker of the motor home and when a few hundred thousand dollars. True case.

A guy buys an expensive cigar, insures it, then smokes it and then files a claim with the insurance carrier for fire damage to the cigar and wins in court after the insurance carrier refused to pay because the fire damage was caused by the flame of the lighter. The irony is that after the courts found that the insurance carrier had to pay and they did, they then had him arrested for a fraudulant claim because the fire damage was self inflicted.

You just can't make this stuff up. The court systems are all screwed up and I'm sure that it's not just the US system that's screwed.

Those examples that you give are not cases from the country the OP lives in. They are considered to be frivolous and in bad taste in the eyes of the law and the public alike here. You will not find a person suing a doctor successfully for malpractice resulting in death unless it was murder.

Sarah Christine Bowes was given a conditional two year sentence to be served in the community! Bowes was a nurse that administered noxious substances to health care professionals (her colleagues while they were on duty) without their knowledge, committed credit card fraud, and attempted to frame somebody else for her crimes.

Desire Munyaneza was convicted of genocide (800,000 people died in 100 days), crimes against humanity, and war crimes in 1994. He received a life sentence (it doesn't mean the same in Canada as life does in the USA) and will be eligible for parole in 2019. I'm confident he would have received harsher sentencing in the USA. No?

Cannabis lovers in the USA would love our legal system almost as much as pedophiles love our minimum age of consent!

It sucks that the OP won't get the satisfaction she desires from our legal system. We're not an eye for an eye kind of nation.

[smackie9]

Maybe it wouldn't happen every day if the people that did it paid a price inthe court system.

You're down in the weeds. The 10,000 foot view is that it would be a landmark case if she had the time and money to pursue it. A lawyer would never turn down a client with money.

If his actions and lying caused her to make decisions that she would have neccessarily made other wise, then there's cause.

If he promised to marry her under false pretenses and she turned down a more lucrative job offer to wait for him, did she then not suffer a financial loss???

I'm just saying that it skirts on the edge of being a case and if she has money to burn, then go for it?

Who would have thought that you could sue McDonald's for burning your lap because you bought one of their coffees and you dropped it in your own lap. True case. They won.

Would would have thought that a thief getting trapped (by his own doing) in someones garage after trying to break into their home while they were on a weeks vacation could sue the homeowners for entrapment.....and win? True case.

A guy buys a motor home and while driving puts it on cruise control and thinks that it's auto pilot, gets up from behind the wheel to go to the bathroom and then crashes. He sues the maker of the motor home and when a few hundred thousand dollars. True case.

A guy buys an expensive cigar, insures it, then smokes it and then files a claim with the insurance carrier for fire damage to the cigar and wins in court after the insurance carrier refused to pay because the fire damage was caused by the flame of the lighter. The irony is that after the courts found that the insurance carrier had to pay and they did, they then had him arrested for a fraudulant claim because the fire damage was self inflicted.

You just can't make this stuff up. The court systems are all screwed up and I'm sure that it's not just the US system that's screwed.

The only one that wins in the end is the lawyers. The blood sucking, ambulance chasers that they are....

[smackie9]

Princess the minimum age consent in now 16 in Canada.


Rich the US is now paying dearly for it's greed and lack of accountability. Canadians have enough balls to accept our own f u c k ups instead suing someones ass off for it. The only crime with Canadians is that no matter how much you hate us, we will try to kill you with our politeness lol.

[Rich]

It seems that maybe a court system in between both of ours might be a good one. :-)

[PrincessB]

For some reason I thought Alberta was still 14 but you're probably right. That would've been a recent change though. Right? Well up until recently pedophiles were coming here and there was nothing illegal about what they were doing if the 14 year old consented. Pretty sick if you ask me.

You hit it on the nose though. We are expected to take personal responsibility in our own relationships and personal lives unless there is actual evidence of physical or ual abuse.

[smackie9]

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/05/01/crime-bill.html

[dgharghi]

Thank you all, for your advice and help. In past few weeks a lot of unbelievable incidences happened to me that I would like to share with you. Here are what happened to me:

1) I did not contact his wife, since I did not have any contact address or number from her, instead:
2) I got a call from his brother in law and his wife insulting me for ruining life of three innocent people specially the child! His wife yelled at me and insulted me in any possible way that I am seducing her husband. If you are married for 18 months, we were in relation for three years, and he never told me that he got married.
I told her that I do not even have his phone number and it was him who called me every day, all contacts were made by him. She did not believe or preferred to deny it and called me names. I told her if you check all his incoming calls you won't find any call made from my number or anywhere around where I live or work, unless he has other women in this area, but if you could check my incoming calls, you will find numbers made from his cells, all phones in his hospitals where he worked in past two years, or phones in the streets where he stopped by, phones in metro stations where he was, phones in Cleveland and London where he spent his two months training, you will see they all have contacted my cell phone (he called me with withheld, but sometimes caller id showed some numbers)....
But she did not want to believe me and told me that I am jealous of her life and of her for marrying a physician [!!] and I am trying to steal her husband!! I told her: "there is no little honor in living with a liar and cheater husband and you should be so needy and financially dependent on him to be so denial and my only feeling for you is sorrow and pity to have such a low-esteem and have no self respect for yourself to support a betrayal husband just because he is a physician. on the other your husband and I are intellectually compatible! and I am glad that I did not marry this jerk, otherwise I would kick his ass and send him to hell for betraying me and lying all the time"
3) Later I realized that she is a babysitter from my home country. There, babysitters have no education mainly and have no well reputation. I do not judge this woman, but it is the way is there.
4) After receiving this call, I went to a lawyer to ask his opinion, he told me it is obviously fraud but court will consider it as personal issues. He said that there was a case in Ontario when an anesthetist doctor killed his gf who was a nurse in the hospital. Everybody and police was aware of abusive behavior of boyfriend but they never interfere and called it personal issue. Although if they had taken it seriously the woman was alive yet. He believed that Canada need new laws in this regard. He also mentioned this is the reason why Mafia is so popular in Canada, they go and beat up the bf and break some bones to teach him a lesson! but we never hear from it in the news!
Honestly it was frightening to hear this stuffs.
5) I went to Police and asked their thoughts. The officer laughed at me and told me no man in Canada goes to jail for betraying his wife and having girlfriend at the same time. Be happy that you got to know this guy before having a child from him. Forget about him and make your mind off of him.

6) And this is my decision: I just decided to leave this sick man to God. I cannot punish him and do not want to darken my mind with thinking of taking revenge on him. God is the best judge, the best avenger, so I leave him to God to take my revenge on him and giving him tough lessons through life. I strongly believe that our heaven and hell is here in this world and we get punishment for our sins early or late. I do believe it by all my heart. And what happened to me apart from my foolish absolute-trust to him and ignorance of red flags, I considered it as a sign from God, showing me that he is the only one who is protecting me and has an eye on me for saving me from this jerk and putting a needy woman in his cheating hands. it showed me that no human and law apparently can protect women in Canada if not in the world. on the other hand, I have not lost anything but only got rid of a pathological liar boyfriend.
I am putting all this bad memories behind in 2009 and will only keep my lessons. I am ready to start a happy new year full of joy and success. Now I am still as active and enthusiastic as I have always been, and I am thankful for opening my eyes.
the other news is that I finally got my recreational pilot license last week :) I am very excited about it and each time I fly in the sky I say thanks god for blessing me and removing dark spots and dark and evil minded people from my life in any possible ways.
I am thankful from you friends for being with me sharing your thoughts with me in this regard and I wish you a very happy new year, full of peace, trust and honesty and all the best in your life.

[PrincessB]

I am sorry to hear that woman contacted you. It must have been very difficult for you to go through that and hear those horrible things when you genuinely didn't know the man was married. She may even know the truth about you but she would not admit to such a thing. Somebody always has to take the blame and unfortunately for you it was not her husband that she is blaming even though it was he that betrayed her and not you.

I knew you would not find much satisfaction with the law. Canada is one of the best places in the world for a woman to have freedom and be safe, but there is still an expectation a woman take responsibility for her own personal life. The government and law is set out to serve and protect it is not perfect but it is not intended to babysit us either. Imagine the wasted time and money if it were possible to take legal action for personal indiscretions.... There are many places in the world that can/will/do police morality and Canada doesn't need to be one of them.

Take this as a hard lesson in life and love and move forward a bit wiser.

[smackie9]

Canada is one of the best places in the world for a woman to have freedom and be safe, but there is still an expectation a woman take responsibility for her own personal life. The government and law is set out to serve and protect it is not perfect but it is not intended to babysit us either. Imagine the wasted time and money if it were possible to take legal action for personal indiscretions.... There are many places in the world that can/will/do police morality and Canada doesn't need to be one of them.

Take this as a hard lesson in life and love and move forward a bit wiser.

Yay! I couldn't agree more!! You go girl!