Wife having dinner and drinks with ex

[nb21040]

I trust my wife, but it really bugs me that she did this. I don't want her to think I DON'T trust her so I'm wondering if I should just let this go or if I should say something. My wife went to Last Vegas this week for business. Yesterday she told me she was getting together for dinner and drinks with an old friend from college named John. I said great, have fun. Then later that night she called me and sounded a little tipsy. She said they met up at Margaritaville, and had dinner. Then went to the heated sidewalk patio at Paris and drank wine, and talked while watching the Bellagio Water show. Then she said that John's wife didn't go because she was upset at John for going out with my wife because she's an ex girlfriend. This was the first I had heard that this guy was anything other than a friend. Should I tell her that I have a problem with her having dinner and drinks with an ex boyfriend? I don't want to come off as jealous, possessive, insecure, or untrusting, but this is kind of eating at me. Am I being unreasonable? I mean, she DID tell me about it, and she certainly could have easily lied without me knowing the better. If I talk to her about it, how do I do so without seeming jealous and insecure?

[Rich]

Ask her how she would feel if you told her that while on a business trip that you were going to have drinks with a friend of the opposite ? After she says that she would have no problem with it, then tell her that you DELIBERATELY left out the part of telling her that it was a nex girlfriend and not just a friend. Then see how she feels.

Of couse being caught she will then say that she trusts you and that's why she still wouldn't have a problem with it.

At that point turn around and say that she's being hypocritical in that she says that she trusts you, but quite obviously she doesn't trust you enough to be honest upfront about telling you that her friend was an ex-BF. That she couldn't trust that you would accept and that there wouldn't be a fight.

Tell her that she doesn't trust.

Tell her that she should have been honest and that you have a right to be pissed JUST LIKE SHE WOULD BE.

She should want to kiss your ass for the next few weeks because she knows that she screwed up.

Tell her that because she couldn't be honest with you....that how do you know 100%that she didn't sleep with this guy? Keeping secrets is keeping secrets.

Let us know what she says.

[smackie9]

Ya she knew it was wrong....that's so selfish.

[PrincessB]

So not okay!

[timeout]

This sounds very familiar. I went for coffee with an ex while on a business trip and I told my husband after the fact. I actually met my husband the day my ex broke up with me, years earlier. I had no romantic feelings at all for my ex... if anything I lost a lot of respect for the guy. I went because I wanted him to know I was doing very good and I forgave him. I am actually really happy I got to see him, it made me feel better about my past with him. It was closure I guess. I have never spoken to him again and I never will... the best way to describe my feelings towards my ex is indifference.

I did feel guilty that I didn't tell my husband before but I knew I had good intentions. He was not very impressed but we moved on. It definitely comes down to trust. I imagine your wife would not have gone, nor be so open about it, if there was any reason to be concerned. However, I'm sure she would understand if you explained how you felt.

[smackie9]

Vegas, dinner, drinks and a lie "Just an old friend" vs. meeting for coffee. There's a big difference.