What is she thinking?

[coldgraygal]

I'm totally in love with my boyfriend of 10 months and he feels the same towards me. We're moving in together in 2 weeks and we couldn't be happier. There's just one thing that has annoyed me lately and that's his female friend. Well I say friend but my boyfriend said they were never really that close and that he can't remember any great times they've had, they just hung out a few times back in college. She's been texting and phoning him recently - even asking for my number, and sent him a birthday package with love heart sellotape on it. In the card she was telling him how great he is and that she misses him and can't wait to spend time with him again. The gifts she sent him were only stupid little things but things he'd have some sort of interest in and I thought is it because she's secretly trying to say "look at how well I know your boyfriend" When she's on the phone to him she's always asking how we are and always saying that we have to come and visit her (she's at Uni 25 miles away)
I really don't care about visiting her and neither does my boyfriend. I don't understand what she's doing and it makes me upset whenever she texts or phones him. Is she just suddenly being extra friendly towards him or am I some sort of threat for whatever reason?
Does anyone have any advice?

[eightball61]

So... you have told us how you feel but have you told him how you feel?

I am not going to say that he is in the wrong for having a friend of the opposite but what he needs to figure out is is she really a friend to him or not. If this is a girl that is not close and they only hung out a few times then I don't understand all the gifts and constant textes she does. If this annoys him then he needs to stand up for you and himself and tell her to back off.

If he wanted a friendship still out of this then he just needs to assure her to back off some because its interrupting your relationship. I am sure this girl does have a liking for him but if not and just wanted to be a friend then she needs to act like it. Friends do buy other friends gifts for special occassion but typically thats for close friends and not distant friends.

The thing that got me here is that she is trying to get your number....do you know why? Maybe it could be she is really just a friend and she wants to make good with you also but she would have invited you to come and visit also.

I would keep everything at caution like you have. I see no trouble if he has been honest and kept you posted with all things. Allow him to talk to her unless she crosses the line because if you try to stop him then that just may get him made because you are trying to control him. You need to trust his actions and what he does. Also talk to him and explain how you feel about him going to see her alone at the college. Offer yourself to go or ask why you can't so you all can hang.

[Rich]

So tell your BF that it bothers you and to drop her. If she doesn't mean anything to him, like he says, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

Tell him that he needs to emphatically tell her NOT to call, write, email or text him anymore.

If he hesitates to do that, then there was more between them that he's not being honest about. I would be hesitant to move in with him then.

Who knows, maybe they had a one time ual encounter and he feels obligated or guilty somehow. Ask him to tell you the truth and that it won't upset you. That's it's no big deal if it is truly over between them.

See what happens. And always watch the eye contact with your BF as you talk to him. The eyes always give it away.

Rich

[coldgraygal]

Thanks for the replies.
Thing is, I don't know how to bring up the situation to my boyfriend. It's been two days since that happened and I feel I'm just being paraniod and insecure. I know that my boyfriend isn't bothered by her, and I can't just get him to tell her to stop all contact with him as they are friends after all even though she is behaving like a crazy . I've only met her once which was brief and I have no idea what kind of person she is - maybe she is a bit of a crazy forward person. I know I have nothing to worry about - even if she does fancy my boyfriend and even if they have been together in the past, but I just can't help feeling bothered by it. What I find hard to understand is yeah if they were close friends (just friends) in college then it wouldn't be such a problem her sending him silly gifts and writing in a card that she misses him etc..., but if they weren't that close which is what my boyfriend says and I believe him then what is she doing sending all of that birthday stuff. My boyfriend doesn't even know when her birthday is. He says it's weird that she sent him a card and presents, and I do recall him saying months ago that she's a strange person and likes to think she's better than everyone else. So is that what she's trying to do to me? She wants us both to come and visit her - does she want me to meet her so she can show me how great and better she is than me? That's so stupid. Maybe I'm digging too far into all of this but I'd just love to know what's going on in her head. And yeah, my boyfriend might know, maybe she's acted like this before but I'm hesitating to bring it up with him. :confused:

[eightball61]

If you don't bring it up to him then you must learn to live with it bothering you. You are in a relationship and you need to communicate to make things known. Communication will build a relationship to be somthing stronger. He must know how you feel and you must know how he feels. It may not be and easy talk but you need to make the situation known.

Right now she is just a friend but if he doesn't even want to have this girl as a friend then he needs to make that known to her but he needs to know how you feel. If he does want to continue a friendship then you can put your mind at ease that you told him and you both will have to work out a game plan where he can make you feel secure about having a friend of the opposite .

[Rich]

Either way that you look at this, she's disrespecting your relationship with each other. What do you normally do with people that disrepsect you?

If this girl means nothing to your BF, then he should drop her. He says that she's a bit wierd and such and it seems like they're more acquaintences, then true, true friends anyway, so what's the big deal.

To me, if some girl that I was sort of friends with, had no ual contact with and probably wasn't going to be life long friends with anway, was causing my current GF grief, then I would drop her like a hot potato.

Does your BF care more about her feelings or yours?

Bring it up and tell him. Pretty much all women are catty and she probably does have some agenda against you that's she playing at.