should we work this through

[aangita]

Hi,

Well I tried to look for a similar problem on the forum, but I think everyone has their own problems. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now and we say we love each other, actually he is the one who tells me this more. He is always telling me that he wants to be with me and he wants to have children and etc…

Before, I used to have a very busy schedule and anytime I had I spent it with him. I didn’t spend time with my family.. and I have no friends.(that is an issue all on its own) I kind of expect him to do the same for me because I did it for him, instead every time we make plans something always comes up with his family or whatever. I asked him what he wanted in life, and he says he is not sure..

We planned to live together when he goes to college this fall. But I am not sure of how serious he thinks this relationship is and the work involved to make one work. I know what I want in life, I love him dearly and care for him so much.

We have been fighting a lot this last month, mainly for the issue with him only being able to spend time with me when it is convenient for him… he said he thinks we should take a break—no talking or seeing each other. So he can clear his mind on exactly what he wants. He tells me that he doesn’t want to leave me but… I don’t know?

He makes me feel so bad and unimportant and I have never done that to him. What should I do? When my anger and sadness subsides.. he also makes me incredibly happy… Do you think it is in my best interest to stay with him, or do you think we should end it now…..

Thanks.....

[j123]

hi aangita!

i face the same problem as you. seems like we can make time for the guys but they just cannot do that for us.

i fight a lot with my guy over this. he always say he is busy with work, has to do laundry etc when it comes to spending time with me but has time to go drinking with his friends or colleagues frequently.

i am so frustrated and angry at all these that i have tried to call off the relationship several times but each time he will apologise and i will make myself forget about the incident. But it keeps repeating and every other day we will be quarrelling about this. When i tried to talk to him calmly, he will get impatient and we will start fighting again.

Seriously, i have no solution to this. Guess the only thing i can do is walk away from the whole thing, if i can finally bring myself to.

[eightball61]

I think part of it you not having friends does play into this problem. When he is not around you feel alone and so thats why you like to have him around a lot. My girlfriend doesn't have much friends and neither do I. I actually chose this course because I hated the people who I used to hang out with so I can't stand having friends at this time or people who I dont trust around me.

With your problem though you want him around more than he thinks he needs to be around. He did state to you that he loves you and talks about the future and you need to build security around those words he expresses to you. Its hard to accept words when you read body language and what he is saying now but if he didn't want any part of you then he wouldn't be with you. You need to listen and trust his words when he expresses his feelings. I mean we all have suffered broken hearts from the past when we followed our partners words but if you don't learn to still follow thier words then it just sets up for insecurities and a failing relationship like you see here.....Trust is the big player here in this relationship.

You both are young and I don't expect him or neither you to have any answers to what you want in life. It ok to have goals set on is the future but you also need to live for now. He is going to school so let him go do something to accomplish in life. If you both continue to fight like this about the time you see eachother it will push him off as you see. I hate to say this but you need to drop the subject.

Me & my GF got into the same fights but she had to learned that she has to accept the time she has with me and just be happy. We see eachother a lot but I also work 3 jobs and volenteer for a fire dept. I am always on the run and things do happen out of the blue and ruin plans. I expect her get mad and like you do also because you both both deal with the same thing but you have to just learn and accept what you have right in front of you at this time.

When your boyfriend does have the time off and he is tired then I can relate, but on his end he does need to make an effort to see you. You both may not do a lot but at least you got your time with him and you both can relax to watch a movie together and cuddle up.

[Rich]

IMO he's not at the same point in life that you are. You're committed and he is not.

I would trust your heart and gut as it will always steer you right.

Give this relationship a break as suggested.

Relationships are a two way street with both parties giving and taking, but not to your BF right now. You're giving and he is just taking with no reciprication.

The writing is on the wall and the signs are obvious as to what you should do.

I definately wouldn't move in with someone as just boyfriend and girlfriend. The chances of it working are slim and when you break up it would be such a pain in the ass with who moves and where and all of that crap.

If you were engaged to each other, then live together. But not as just BF and GF.

IMO

Rich
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