My Birthday

[PrincessB]

Two weeks ago my sister invited us to a holiday dinner potluck. She said it was a birthday celebration for her daughter's father and I. When we arrived we realized the dinner was actually a Christmas dinner for her boyfriend's parents because they will be away for Christmas. She is short of money after the baby was born so it seemed more like we were invited to bring something to alleviate the cost of such a dinner. My parents already had a celebratory birthday dinner for *Brian (my sister's boyfriend), as the tradition is to have a birthday dinner and gifts.

At the end of the Christmas dinner night, my parents pulled out four unwrapped Dvds. They gave two to *Brian and two to me. They wished us happy birthday and seemed to expect me to be disappointed. Of course I was! They KNOW the Dvds they gifted me with were movies I wouldn't like. It would have been less insulting had they done nothing at all. They always have stuff in their bedroom closet they keep on hand for unexpected gifts for friends and coworkers...I know that's where mine came from.

I don't care that my parents spend lots of money on my sisters and their bfs for birthdays. I wasn't too upset there was no card or no cake because how much is spent on me isn't what matters. Its not even that they just grabbed stuff out of their closet at the last minute that bothers me. They knew that Brian would love the Dvds because they were his favorite movies. They knew that I wouldn't be excited over the Dvds they gave me because they know I don't like those movies. One was even a kid's movie!

What has always been the most important to me is the thought put into a gesture. Just a thoughtful gesture that shows they care. I am hurt that so much thought, time, and preparation goes into everybody else including the spouses and boyfriends of my siblings. As their own daughter I am deeply hurt by the thoughtless gesture.

At the last minute my bf told his parents we would be happy to have dinner at their place on the actual day of my birthday (yesterday) because he expected my family would have something planned. His parents apparently had been planning a dinner for me two weeks prior but they too expected my family to do something because they know my family's birthday tradition.

I know my parents are going to say they didn't plan anything because they knew I would be going to my bf's parents for dinner (they didn't know that until the Christmas dinner the night before). Then they will say they are just too busy with my birthday being so close to Christmas. When I was a young girl I would tell my mom that she knew my birthday was coming so it may be best to plan ahead even if she finds the time earlier in the year like August. Its just the thought that has ever mattered to me. No need for anything elaborate, expensive, time consuming, or big.

This is the first time this has happened without a tragedy like a death in the family occurring so its not something I should be used to. As a child I had countless birthday parties canceled due to family emergencies. Some weren't planned, some were canceled, and others were ended prematurely.Even at the tender age of 4 I understood why there might not be cake, presents, or friends for my birthday. There was no tragedy this year. They both have the month off work for the holidays and have all the time in the world for my siblings and their SOs.

My bf wanted to call my parents and tell them how hurt I am but I asked him not to. I don't even know how to say something without coming across as a spoiled brat.

[PrincessB]

I failed to mention my reaction when I was given the Dvds from my parents. I graciously said thank you. My sister and my boyfriend said there was no indication that I was upset by the gift or as devastated as I was when I learned there would be no birthday celebration for me.

[smackie9]

Next year you and your bf take a trip to Mexico for your birthday and screw the family crap. Btw Happy Birthday hun.

[eightball61]

Like a fancy wedding or even an engagement for an event people have a perception how it needs to be. If they dont bring a gift they feel bad but if they do they feel better. People naturally male choices based on makes them feel good so they have this internal closure. Make sense? This dinner wasn't probably properly planned since it detailed a little of everything in it meaning things were rushed and the Holidays will make up for it. It would have been fair for your folks to talk to you seperatly however there actions were based on what I described probably. At this point what will calling then do besides only then make you feel better inside. We all make mistakes and sometimes thing a are better left alone. Happy birthday!!!

[Rich]

I would agree with 8-ball but it seems like this wasn't a one off. Sounds like it happen regularly.

I would to your sister about what you wrote here and it'll bubble back to your parents.

If not that, show them the same consideration when it's their special day. For your b'day go out to dinner with your BF and do your own thing.

I go through life with no expectations of no one. There isn't any disappointment that way.

[smackie9]

The more I sit and think about your situation.....there's something that your parents and or siblings are not telling you. When people act neglectfully to someone, it's like they are conveying a message to you. Maybe not consciously, who knows, but you have to speak up and open the doors to communication. You are not being a spoiled brat, you are an adult who was treated poorly by other adults. It doesn't matter if it was your parents or not. It was just plain rude.

[Howard]

I failed to mention my reaction when I was given the Dvds from my parents. I graciously said thank you. My sister and my boyfriend said there was no indication that I was upset by the gift or as devastated as I was when I learned there would be no birthday celebration for me.



Happy Birthday. :)

[PrincessB]

I feel bad that I even expected anything. I don't expect very much except a thoughtful gesture, but even that was even too much to expect. I was under the impression when I was invited to the dinner it was for *Brian's and my birthday. My birthday wasn't even a mention at the Christmas dinner and it came up in conversation that they had already celebrated *Brian's birthday the previous week. My mother brought dessert which she declared was made for *Brian because its his favorite.

The dinner was for my sister's bfs parents because they are going away for the holiday and won't be around for their grand daughter's first Christmas. It wasn't until I was leaving and had my jacket and shoes on that they handed me the dvds and said "btw Happy Birthday".

My mother asked me how my birthday dinner with my bfs family was and I told her that it was nice. His mother baked me a cake, made a nice dinner, and they even had a thoughtful gift for me.

I ended up having a good day despite the obvious snub and will have to take my goldfish for a walk when its the next family member's birthday comes along. Up until now there has been no indication of any reason for them to be displeased with me. I've given no reason to be.

[PrincessB]

Happy Birthday. :)

Thanks Howard.:D

[eightball61]

Its hard to let something go when you feel it must be talked about however some things are just better left alone. I'm the type that needs to talk about everything, understand everything, and get everything out however learned just this year this is a flaw of mine. We can't know it all, understand it all, or even have the answers to it all. Sometimes we just need to let go. Only you can access what needs to be spoken about ot not and trust me its hard to let things go however before one speaks they should try to think all aspects first such as....what will this accomplish, who will benefit, why should i ask/know, ect.

[Howard]

Sorry about the snub,hopefully next year's birthday will be better.