Why?

[jastav1]

Ive met an awesome chick about a week ago now.We like eachother alot but shes been messed up bad last 2 relationships and didnt plan to go into a new for about a year until she met me and turned her life upside down.Now she always has doubts because of the past although ive done nothing wrong but treat her like a queen and she wants to be with me to.She asked me today can we just be friends and not do the relationship things we have been doing though we have slept together twice i cant just forget how i feel though she said we can be friends till shes ready and then we'll be together.I just want peoples opinion as to what to do as shes staying at my place this weekend and we both want eachother she says she doesnt want any other guy i definantly dont want any other chick so do i wait because i feel so strongly for her things just click romantically for us has any one else been in this position?sorry for it been so long just i cant get it outta my mind.thanks

[eightball61]

Is this the same girl from the previsous threads?

This is her decision on wanting to just be friends. Some things just don't work out and you have to learn accept that. Its very hard dealing with breakup when you denicate so much into a relationship but these things do happen. You both only have been together for a week and this is how she feels about the whole thing and the only thing you can do is respect her decision.

Your decision is now to either accept a friendship or move on. I will say it will be hard to maintain a friendship after all the feeling you have had for her. I mean you are pretty well hit over her decision and its not going to make anything better just being her friend and having her around. What you need to do is detach yourself from her for a while so you can settle up you feelings and emotions and then if you want a friendship and think you can handle it then go for it then.....but that all depends on what you want.

[BigGurlBigWorld]

i guess i was once in that situation. Having such relationship in the past has made it hard to trust and believe in anything or anyone. It was so hard trying not to believe that everything will jus crumble down again. I have had relationships that have made me very paranoid, insecure, and yea you get the point. But i met this guy and we started having feelings for each other. I freaked out, i started doubting him thinking maybe he'll be like my old ex's and da da da da..what could i say or do?..i jus got out of a rough situation and here i am again at the same point that iv started from. I felt like i was still living in the past and still hurt and frustrated. I felt like ive let down myself for being weak and still havent overcome this nightmare.
Though he was the nicest greatest guy/person to me...in him was my memory..my past..i would blame him for things, sometimes very randomly...even for jus being nice to me..


Eventhough you may treat her like a queen she's still self-conscious and still have all those possibility that it'll be like her last relationships. If u feel that strongly bout her jus remember that if ur willing to wait you've gotta be strong, supportive, and patient. She'll blame you for things u havent done and many things like that. And there's always the possiblity that she'll change for the better of herself and who she is but maybe not so good on your part. so jus letting u kno the consequences and that waiting for her could mean waiting for her to heal and let her go. Its like living and caring for a sick person...and right now she's really sick and when she feels better she wont need you to care for her no more.

As for now she really does need some times. You may not realize but your probably making it harder for her to let go of the past, and making her confuse. In a way your blocking her from what she needs to do to let go of the past. I think that she does like you alot too that's why she's trying to sort herself out this time. It may be hard since your feelings are so deep for her but think about it, she's got YOU and HERSELF to deal with, (not that its your fault or trying to sound like you've done something wrong).

Being a friend is the least thing u could do for her at this time. So y not give her that to look upon. Even if things doesnt go the way you hope..and you guys dont get to be together..remember that you were there for her to let her find herself and inner peace, and if you really have that much feelings for her..you'll understand.

well hope this helps a little..anything unclear or jus anything else..ask... :)

[jastav1]

Thanks for your help and no its a different girl.

[Diablo]

How patient are you? In this situation, a girl can change her mind, but only if you play it cool and be a good friend to her for however long it takes. You would be taking a chance because sometimes you do everything right and it still doesn't work out. Good luck.

[jastav1]

Thanks.Its hard because i know she likes me and she doesnt even want to see me till shes better like she said to me shes avoiding everything because shes vulnerable at the moment her ex tried to kidnap her and she has a restraining order against him now and it took that to make her realise shes not ready for a relationship at the moment its just before this happened we were getting real close now its like i dont exist.

[Diablo]

Her ex tried to kidnap her? No wonder she doesn't want a relationship! You should be a friend to that girl whether you've got the patience to wait for more or not. She needs a friend right now.

[jastav1]

she told me she doesnt want to see anyone including me and told me tonight i should just forget about her i dont see how what he done has got to do with me she knows i am not him and i treat her so good its really hard i cant get around the fact we both like eachother but i cant see her or talk bout things with her.

[eightball61]

No, You are not her ex. like you stated but what her ex did was break a lot of emotions and securities that she once had for males. Its going to take a lot for her to trust again. You will need to be patient and work with her.

She says you should just forget about her but why? She is just saying that because she feels you don't want her. You need to keep up to things and show her that you mean to her. It will be hard and very fustrating on your end but if you really mean well then try to stick it out and be a dear friend to her and then see what happens.

[Diablo]

Since she has told you not to talk to her, you have no choice except to leave further contact up to her. The girl is freaked out because of her ex and you'll set her defenses off if you argue with her about the cutoff. Also, with any girl/woman, the more you push after being told it's over, the more contempt she'll have for you. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship or a relationship, they tell you to skeedaddle, you have to. She could calm down and change her mind, but only if you leave further contact up to her.

[icanhelp]

i know its hard whenyou want someone so bad and you cant get it, you just need to give it time

[Pamelina]

I agree, this needs time. It can still turn around. She's just been thru so much, though.

I wish you two the best--sounds like you care for her very deeply. Down the way, when she's seen you are gentle and loving, she may be able to open her heart again. I sure hope so.

[JessicaLi]

She needs her space now to sort things out. Giving her space will allow her to know you are understanding and cares about the way she feels, and not just the way you feel. Sticking around only serves to stress her, which may turn the tables round. What is yours, will be yours.

Good Luck - Jessica