Was it cheating???

[MeAmy]

Hi Everyone,
People ,please, i need your opinion on the following situation.
Me and my bf have been going out for 2 years. Everything has been nice and wonderful till recently.
Last month he was doing some work at that company ( he is an independent contractor) and he met there one girl who is the same age as me and not married. He told me about her and also that they were talking about some work stuff. Anyway, one night at 7p.m. i went to Starbucks and guess whom did i see there? Right, my bf and this girl. He did not see me and i left. I was furious but went back to my car and waited till they got out. It was 9p.m. He walked her to her car and she left. No hug, no kiss, nothing like that.
When i came home i called him right away and asked him what he was doing past 4 hours. He told me that he went to some metal supply store and just got home. I got really mad at him and told him that i saw him with this girl at Starbucks.
He said that he did not want to tell me the truth because i would not like it and get mad at him. And that they just were hanging out and nothing else.
I do not know what to think about it. To me it really looked like a date. And do not really like the fact that he was not telling the truth about it.
After that incident, i do not trust him much.
What do you think about it? Was it a date? And why would he lie to me about it if it was not a date? :confused: :confused:
Thank you

[eightball61]

You are in the right and he is in the wrong. You caught him red handed and he lied about it. They may not have done anything in the way of touching but he still crossed the line. Sure if he told you the trueth you'd be mad but not as mad as him lieing about the matter.

You have lost your trust in him because of this. He did tell you about her and I will give him that much credit but he failed to tell you what was going on behind the scenes. I can't say for sure if it was a date but it was something if they went out and he lied about it.

It is your decision on where to take it from here. If you can give him another chance then try it again. The focus point is going to be trusting him again. This step in trusting takes a lot to work out and you may not be able to trust him again which may eventually lead to a breakup. If you are willing though to give him another chance and he is willing to work with you and get you to trust him again then I would say it be safe to work it out but if he gets all defensive about him keeping tabs when he out then I'd say it wouldn't be worth the time. He screwed up and now he has to work with you in order to make things right again.

[Rich]

If it was a date then he would have hugged or kissed her good bye. Since he didn't so much as shake her hand, then maybe it was just nothing.

You can ask him to prove that it's nothing by having him show you his cell phone. Look in the address book and see if her number is in there. I would ask for that when you are with him so he can't delete it prior to showing you.

If you see her number listed, you can then ask to see his cell phone bill and see how many times he has called that number.

If the number is not there, nor the calls to that number, then you can pretty much trust that nothing is going on.

If he declines either to show you the cell or his bill, then BUSTED!

Rich

[2BDMD]

There's absolutely no wrong in hanging out with a member of the opposite from work, school, and/or for business.

If he was cheating, then there would have been touching. Just hanging out is just hanging out. If he was hanging out with his guy buddies and didn't tell you, that's the same thing!

He simply wanted to avoid conflict by not volunteer information, that's all! I can't stand my ex of accusing me of cheating everytime I hung out with another girl that met from school just for lunch or whatever.

Have some trust in your BF. If once you confronted him and he lied, then that would be different.

One vote for not cheating!

[bdtraders]

IMO it was a first date for them, or a get together, otehrwise he would not have lied about it if she was "just a friend".
You may have caught him and her on their first date thats why there was no hug or kiss, or he told her about you and that they had to play it cool in public.
Either way it was more then just two friends meeting, otherwise why lie about it.

[eightball61]

If once you confronted him and he lied, then that would be different.




He lied when she asked where he went and then she confronted him where she saw them together. He lied thinking it would be for the best and it actually made things worse. Regaing the trust is the main issue if she wants to proceed. I do agree that he didn't cheat but with the lie he is setting up for that potential cause of cheating in the future.

[PreciousYaya]

I agree with Rich. If it would have been a date then they would have hugged, kissed, held hands, etc. You said none of this happened, so maybe it was not a date. True, he should not have lied to you, but maybe he lied to you because if he told you he had been with a girl you would have gotten extremely upset. However, he had already mentioned this girl and if there was nothing going on, then I don't see why he had to lie. I understand that it will be difficult to trust him because you saw him, and he lied about where he had been. Before you conclude that it was cheating, I would try to get more info. like checking his cell and all that.

[eightball61]

If it would have been a date then they would have hugged, kissed, held hands, etc. .


All my first dates I have gone on I never tossed the move to hug the other person or pass a move on them. Its just a belief I have on getting to know the other person first and then taking things from there. I hate t come on to fast because I am afraid the other may back off. What I am trying to get at is we can't rule any possibilties out yet.

Him lieing pops a red flag to me. Sure he could have lied because he didn't want to get into a fight with his girlfriend but if he knew it was wrong then why did he still do it?

There are to many unanswered things here that pop up as red flags to me and this dude needs to set his priorities straight. Lieing didn't get him anywhere. I am actually glad he was caught in the action because more of these dates or whatever it was could have lead to more.

If this girl was just a friend then he would have had no worry in telling his girlfriend instead of lieing about it. That is how I see it

[inquisitive]

I'd have a serious problem with what your BF just did! He lied. If there was nothing going on he wouldn't have lied. Period. He needs to prove to you that there is nothing going on. As said before by showing you his cell phone, letting you know exactly where he's going etc. He is in the wrong. Personally I'd have a very very hard time trusting anything he says.

[icanhelp]

no its not cheating(what you saw) but the fact of the matter is he lied to you and that might meen he is hiding other things (cheating) :)