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MyImmortal
12-20-2009, 03:17 AM
ok this is a little long winded, but bare with me.

I was a member of a Native American site. I got involved with this man there. He is Native American and everything started off ok.

I later found out he was "married' not legally married, but lived with this woman for almost 30 years. by that time i was already in love with him and thought he was with me as well.

I know I should have broken it off with him then, but I was already in too deep. And I thought he was my soul mate.

Anyway, I told him I didn't mind if he was with her and me. I am open minded like that and it didn't bother me. I knew if we kept it that way, we would have to do it in secret.

He said that in time he could get her to accept us. Then he called me his second wife. He is the kind of guy that could easily be a polygamist. And that doesn't bother me. He came up with the idea that he would tell her that he dated me years ago and he left me for her. She contacted me by email and we called each other and actually became friends.

Well, I found out he was doing the same thing with two other women while he was with me. Now, I was not bothered about his now "wife" but I didn't like the idea of him getting involved with other women. I figured his "wife" and I are enough.

Well, something happened between he and I and he dumped me.

Now, I the whole time I was being friends with his "wife" I felt bad for deceiving her.

I am feeling I should confess to her everything. She is not the kind of person that can handle another woman in the picture. She's not like me. I think she needs to know what he husband is doing. She caught him fooling around on her one time and threw him out, then later took him back in. He has slept around on her the whole time they have been together.

My question is this: Should I tell her? I am willing to take responsibility for what I did wrong. She is a really nice person and doesn't deserve this.

jefff
01-10-2010, 03:04 PM
You should just tell her...
being truthful really sucks, especially when you lied about it already...
But time and time again I have learned it is better to just inform everyone.

It sounds like you'll be out of the situation a little, but it may cause problems for him and her, she'll probably say some nasty things to you for lying/delivering the news. But it is just better for everyone to know, you'll feel relieved and it is only fair to all involved.

I think the best approach is to just talk to her through whatever means possible, and try to explain everything you know, and how the situation happened. Don't forget to apologize for lying/hiding things!

Good Luck, your on the right track!
You're a good soul! Keep being you!

LimaBean
01-15-2010, 04:03 AM
You should definitely tell her the truth. in this situation, me putting myself in the wife's position, I would greatly appreciate it if you told me these things. you seem like a really brave, good person to be willing to do this. be careful though, since she is not so open minded, she might think you are lying to her and trying to break her and the husband up. if this comes up, remind her of the time she caught him cheating. also, provide names of the other women will give a little more credibility to the truth you will tell. good luck.

BorealSoul
05-07-2010, 08:46 PM
You slept with a married man, had no problem keeping it a secret from his wife and now because he dumped you, you're going to tell his wife? I strongly suspect your motivation is not driven by selfless reasons.... you're bitter.

Belated guilty feelings help no one and somewhat self indulgent. Accept your responsibility for the affair and move on.

packagedealx3
05-08-2010, 01:34 AM
Well, you are 44, a bit too old to be falling on that in too deep crap. You made a conscious decision to continue to have an affair with someone who was essentially a married man of 30 years. You want to tell her about the other women because you are pissed, figured you were doing something noble when it was just the wife.

You decided to settle for the scraps he gave you, she probably knows he is screwing around on her but doesn't want to admit it to herself because she might have to make the decision that he has to go and she doesn't want to.

Leave it alone and go on with your life hopefully having learned that you don't want someone else's man.

xmit
05-16-2010, 05:00 PM
You slept with a married man, had no problem keeping it a secret from his wife and now because he dumped you, you're going to tell his wife? I strongly suspect your motivation is not driven by selfless reasons.... you're bitter.

Belated guilty feelings help no one and somewhat self indulgent. Accept your responsibility for the affair and move on.

Sorry it may sound harsh but.. +1

It was fine for you and he to decieve his current wife (if he has been with her for 30 years -- that's as legal as you can get). Now that you are out of the picture it's ok to spill the beans...

That smells of ulteria motives..

PrincessB
05-20-2010, 05:56 PM
I've seen this question posed to etiquette experts and you should keep your mouth shut. Her marriage is none of your business and you were never friends. You used her and should back off now.

sanjananb
05-19-2011, 01:27 PM
provide names of the other women will give a little more credibility to the truth you will tell