Inappropriate feelings - help!

[timeout]

OK... I have been struggling with something for many years... I no longer believe that time heals all wounds.

I am married with two beautiful children. For the most part, we are all happy. My problem is that I was so in love with my boyfriend from high school and university and he was so in love with me. He was my neighbour growing up and our families are very close. We had a long distance relationship (we were in different countries for 5 years) for 2-3 years when I broke up with him. I was going through a hard time, I went away to school and had no family or close friends. I thought I should try to start a life for myself... well, I ended up moving back home after I graduated and by the time I smartened up, he no longer wanted me in his life. I think he was very hurt and was trying to move on himself.

I have tried so hard to get over this relationship and I was doing so well, until he moved back home too. He now lives in the same town with his wife and two kids! I see them all the time, we have all the same friends, our kids are the same age... we even shared the same due date for baby number #2.... I have started to feel that the situation is so unfair.

I know it is very easy to judge me, but I have done everything to get over this and when I see him, it is like I have to start all over again. Those old feelings come back no matter what I do. I tried ignoring him for a year or two, didn't work. I tried being their friend (I thought if I was around them more I would become more comfortable)... didn't work. I tried doing nothing... it kinda worked until I saw him at the grocery store later that week!

How do you get over someone forever when they are still in your life? Is it even possible?

[eightball61]

the love in your heart won't fade away easily as you have no closure from the past.

[tennischick]

You can love someone for the rest of your life. I know it's hard to see someone that was that much a part of your life but you have to make a choice. Do you retract the promises you made to your husband and break up the family (and kids!) so that you can be with your childhood sweetheart? On the other hand, do you let yourself be happy and just take the consequences of leaving but get to be with your old flame?... tough situation. You have to make a choice and stick with it or you'll torture yourself until one of you moves away.

[Diablo]

It's not easy to let go of someone who's still in your life. What you should try to do is mentally shift gears. You've got to start thinking of him as a friend rather than an old flame. Doing that wouldn't be quick or easy, but you both have families now. The kids come first and I don't think either set of kids wants to see their parents divorce. You made the decision a long time ago to let him go and you're just going to have to squelch your feelings. What if you were to leave your husband and the ex not reciprocate? What's broken can't be fixed here; too much water under the bridge. Try a mental exercise in which you shrink his place in your heart to a smaller level. You don't have to kick him out of your heart, just try to mentally reduce his place in it. How to do that is a little hard to explain, but it's worth a try.