Is it appropriate to stay close with exes?

[mona212]

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. It seems like he is always getting emails from several of his ex friends, and of course, he sends replies. Some he dated, some were just booty calls. When I asked why he needs to have a friendship with them, he just says that they are his friends. I think that past relationships need to stay in the past. They create doubt. He is surprised that I am "insecure" about these ladies. Everyone has a past and learns from these, but I do not understand his need to maintain this level of friendship...especially the booty calls. We have had dinner with three of these ladies. The first one did not go well. She flirted with him in front of me and he did not stop her! She was married at the time. The other two were respectful and have boyfriends, but they still stay in contact with my fiance. Am I being insecure?

[galatianstwo20]

I agree with you, that it really isn't appropriate. I'm a guy, and I've been in a relationship for over a year and a half. About a year ago, one of my exes kept texting and calling me and I just ignored it. I eventually had to tell her that I just didn't feel comfortable being close friends with her, especially now that I'm in a serious relationship. I would talk to your fiance about it and tell him how serious and important it is to you for him to understand where you are coming from. Trust and security are essential in a relationship, and any obstacle that gets in the way of that needs to be handled sincerely and with care.

[eightball61]

My personal opinion is no when engaged or married. some can do some can't.

[Ashkayi]

If a man loves his woman, he cuts all ties with his exes.. unless there is children involved and then at that time its only for brief moments and only have to do with the children. You are not insecure you are human. If he doesnt care of your feelings or some how blames you in anyway perhaps its not the best relationship for you to be in.

[jefff]

Is it appropriate to stay close with exes?

NO...cut all ties immediately

Make him cut ties, you should have done this earlier.
Its hard cause he thinks they're his friends, but he really just gets the thrill of their still lingering love for him.... ( I know this, i've done it before, A girl asked me to cut ties, I said they were just friends, I wish I cut the ties...They are just problems)

If he refuses, just make him invite every one over at the same time? Would he feel comfortable with all five + you + him in on room...
They will fight amongst themselves...

(as noted before...only ex communication should be if kids are involved)

Make him cut the ties! or don't go on with the engagement....

[tinkerbell]

NO its not ok!!
I cant believe you actually went for dinner with them!?!!
Tell your bloke its either them or you, his choice. You obvioulsy dont feel comfortable about it and I cant think of ANYone that would, especially us women. Youve done so well this far!
I worked with a woman years ago and she was 'best friends' with all of her ex's. She had no confidence to make friends her own so she clung onto emotional ties she had made with men in the past. Not saying thats what your bloke is doing but I see it equally as strange.
Ties with ex flames should be cut no question.
Sort him out, give him the choice.

[somechick]

I think it depends on the couple. I am really good friends with a couple of me exes. But if you aren't comfortable with it then he should cut ties.

[Jarl13]

Even being a guy, I say the answer is: No.

In a relationship there is usually one person who didn't want to break up in the first place. There is always that aspect of "Where are they now and how are they doing?" but that's not a weekly phone call. A booty call.. mmm, maybe if it's strictly friends who were just both single and physically attracted to each other so they fulfilled each others needs? but that's a very slippery slope.

My fiancee and her ex broke up but stayed friends, then he just up and vanished one day. We met, then he came back around asking for booty calls even though she said she had a new boyfriend. I let it be known that I didn't like him around, but I didn't tell her what to do because I wanted to sit back and see for myself how she would react.. because if she kept him around or cheated on me then why do I want to be with her anyways? But she eventually told him off and stopped talking to him completely which taught me about who she is and whats really important to her.