My boyfriend, me, and my judgemental parents

[Justine]

Hey guys, I have barely anyone to talk to this about irl, and it'd be a great relief to know what you guys think. Thanks in advance!

I'm 17, and I have a boyfriend that's 26 and we have been going out for about five months now. I have kept it quiet from my parents because I know their reaction is bound to be negative, plus they are very traditional asians.

Around the three month mark my mother saw my boyfriend and I together kissing in public, and there was chaos at home between my mother and I. She sat me down for three hours calling me a (because he was my first) and asking why was I so stupid in the social aspect of life and how my future husband is going to look down on me when I'm no longer a virgin on our wedding night (as if?). She went wild when I told him he was a high school drop out, and is on the way to finishing his schooling and going into the trades. She told me to never see him again, don't pick up his calls, and never call him.

Well that didn't exactly happen.

We're still seeing each other in secret, and my mum has made it clear that she doesn't want me to be seeing him. I am just disgusted at the fact that my parents are so judgemental and stereotypical ("because he's white he's just going to take advantage of you and throw you away when you're no longer needed"). I'm also tired of having to pick up three calls when I'm "supposedly out with my friends" at 4:30pm, 5:00pm, then 5:30pm. It's not like I'm coming home at 10pm every night smelling like alcohol (I don't drink, smoke, or use). I realize some major trust has been damaged between my mum and I, but I would really love to know how I can get her to back off and let me have a life too.

Thanks for all your help guys xo

[eightball61]

I really dont have to much to offer when it boils down to difference in race however the age gap could be part of concern. Picture your child dating someone his age. You msy look at this differently in 20 years but something to think about. Instead of hiding it why not to offer your parents to have him around to so they can see who he is and for yourself just becareful as most his age go for younger for one reason.

[smackie9]

Well there is no changing your parents idea of what kind of life you are to live. But we all know as you enter adulthood what they want means squat. You will be finding yourself out on the street when they find out you didn't obey their wishes. These are the risks you are taking. Be prepared to have your life turned upside down as you continue to see this man.

7 years is not a big age gap per say. It's only a questionable gab when you are a teenager still and he is well into his 20's. You might think this is the man you want to marry, have his kids, and spend the rest of your life with.....I'll tell you you will regret it. You are only a teenager. Once you get to about 20, 21, an adult, you will start to get restless and want to date other men and have experiences. This guy is in his mid 20's and has done all that already and as he approaches 30 he is going to want to settle down. Are you going to throw away your youth to a husband and babies? I doubt it.

Dating this guy may make you feel all mature and s h i t, but you really need to step back and consider your future. I don't agree with your parent's ideas either. I'm just letting you know what you are really dealing with when dating an adult man. He is your first, but you have a long road of changes and experiences ahead of you....I am truly concerned about your choice to be dating him. I just hope you at least take into consideration what I have said. Prepare yourself for the changes you will be facing soon enough.