What am I doing wrong? Part 2...

[juxtaposed]

Hello again. I've posted one of my major concerns a few months ago http://relationshipforums.com/forum/showthread.php?p=44204#post44204 at this thread. I have some new developed information and I'm still stuck. I'm basing all this off my other post [all my details are in that one], but basically.. my b/f and I have only been dating 4 months. We had a few times [very unsuccessful .. read other thread to understand what I mean] and now all of a sudden, he's STOPPED completely. I've accused him of cheating, not liking me, losing interest in me, etc. and none of that seems to be it. I've tried to talk to him and bring up the topic, and he knows it bothers me b/c for some reason... my desire is stronger than his.. but he just says he's not in the mood anymore. Of course, this brought out the RED FLAG "OH SHIT" alert. He used to be in the mood.. but suddenly no more? I was a little irritated and maybe even pissed. My self-esteem was just shot down and I'm sitting here thinking.. I'm never going to get any again. My life is going to end. Of course, this is irrational thinking and me being selfish, but I have needs like any human being. And when I'm deprived of those needs.. something bad is going to happen! There's going to be a riot. Not really, but you get my drift. So anyways, I ask him and the first thing he says is he's not .. I'm like okay, I wasn't thinking that/going to say that.. and he's not cheating. I have too many people who are in our circle of friends that we both know, and also he doesn't drive... so he can't go too many places right now without a vehicle. He really knew tonight that I was pissed and upset and while he was laying on me on the couch.. he said "I have a feeling I'm going to be used".. I was like whattt? WTF do you mean? He was like nothing and then drowns himself in the TV. I'm like NO.. listen to me, I would never do that to you.. despite the BS, and you don't need to worry about that. He was like okay. He hugged me closer and I hugged him back and kissed the top of his head while he was laying there. I almost felt like a half ass. So the rest of the night we seemed okay. But I just find it weird that every time I try to initiate or just "grab" at him.. he pulls himself away or blocks himself. Again.. self-esteem blow to me. I'm not ugly.. I mean, I'm not a Barbie doll by any means, but geez. WTF? Someone try to make some sense of this b/c I don't want to lose him or break up, but am I being selfish for wanting to have with my b/f?! Help please...

[smackie9]

I did some reading and your dilemma is not uncommon. to men is being in control. And when you guy was having trouble having with you and failing because you were in pain has make him feel inadequate. That's why this is going nowhere.

Have you gone to a doctor yet about your problem this yet?

[juxtaposed]

Hello smackie9,
Thank you so much for your reply. No, I haven't gone to a doctor yet, but unfortunately we had a mutual break-up 2 days before New Year's. He was never going to admit he didn't like me anymore, but I pretty much forced it out of him and told him to not "sugar coat" anything.. and that I was a strong person who can pretty much handle anything. He said he didn't like hurting people and had been avoiding this for quite a while. Either way, we're on good terms and we're still friends... but he didn't really have a reason for breaking up other than "he sees us better as friends" and that's it. So to anyone else who's read my issue.. if you're in the same boat, it might be time to move on as harsh as that sounds. I plan on making 2010 a better year and remember that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Thanks to the replies on this thread and my other one. Hope everyone has a good day and a good 2010.

[eightball61]

i agree and the last thread you mentioned that you both didn't have a lot because it hurt like hell. now you are coming back saying he lost interest while you got insecure. when one shut the other down they get used of this pattern and its hard to get out of. you just can't just to expect only when you want it...what about him?. i do agree and you need to see a gyn but again thats up to you because you had a month to do so from your last thread.

[miles85]

hi lovely hope you good and happy at the mo... now i know you posted a while ago but just wanted to add an alternative.. i think i may be unpopular with my response but i have to say i totally disagree with your previous replies! why does always have to be such a direct term for ?! i think you should answer that question honestly to yourself..let me tell you and i guarantee that no other will disagree with me that there is so much more to intimacy than the physical act of .. it sounds like that you put far too much pressure on yourself when it comes to ! is about enjoyment so do what you feel comfortable with.. if thats a kiss and a cuddle then fantastic no pressure no awkwardness, enjoy the intimacy! the rest will follow just dont rush, the moment is for you and your partner no one else!.. i cant help but feel sorry for the guy who you split with.. i may be wrong but you kind of said in the same sentence "hes 19, why would he not want " and also "i know its only his second time as well".. he's prob just as nervous as you! you sound really sweet and lovely and i wish you all the best but take things slow yeah! if you dont feel comfortable your not going to enjoy yourself and not being scientific but it hurts cos your body is not aroused because of the pressure you put on yourself. take care lovely lady