Says he doesn't want to talk about it.....

[8longnails]

:confused:
I was with my BF last night watching TV with him, it was 9:30 at night. He got a call on his phone and he got up went to his phone but did not answer it and let the machine pick up, the volume was lower than usual. I heard a female voice talking but could not make out who or what they said. When he returned to the couch I asked who it was & he said a friend. So I asked, who again & he said just a friend. I asked a new friend & he said no angrily and didn't want to talk about it! I then asked him to move so I could get up and he didn't budge (he was laying half on me) I asked him again & he wanted to know why I said because I want to know & if your not going to talk to me I am not staying. He said again he didn't want to talk about it. I got up & said I am sick of this, him not talking to me, that its the same all crap & left. He never said anything to me, while I got on my coat & shoes.
Now the history....We have been togehter for almost 2 years. Last year when were together for about 8 months, he started to act differantly, easily irrated, going out by himself "to be alone" after confroning him about his behavior said he wanted some space, not sure if he was making the right desisions & all. SO, I gave hime space, still seeing him quite frequiently, all iniated by him. Long story short, after a few weeks of that I find unmistaking eveidance he was "with" a girl. No mistake about it. Confronted him on that & he chose to lie to my face. After a few attemps to still go with the lie, he confesses, saying how sorry he was, it was a mistake, it was a 1 time thing, saying he wants me. I decide after much agonizing over the whole thing, (other details to long to list) to give the relationship another try.
So now back to last night, What do you think of this behavior? I have not heard from him as of yet.

I know what I am feeling/thinking but would like some insight of others on this. Thanks

[2BDMD]

He probably simply does not want to chat or talk to you about his little fling. It was probably the girl that he was with during your break, but he now no longer wish to talk to her. He can't help it if that girl still calls.

I know it can be frustrating when your partner doesn't communicate with you or avoid your questions when you ask them, but throw a fit over it. Be cool and trust him.

If he is messing around with that same girl again behind your back, then it's his lost since this is his second chance with you. I strongly believe that his chose not to talk about who called is because he knew it her and the conversatio would piss you off if he did tell you who called.

I don't believe he's messing around again. Give him a call and patch things up.

[MissCheivious]

I don't mean to be cynical here but, the "I need space" stuff is always bullsh*t. You know this already. I'm not going to say that "once a cheater, always a cheater" but, it's very possible. If you forgave him once before for his lapse in judgement and if he were truly sorry, he wouldn't be evasive to any of your questions now. He would want to show you that you can trust him and answer your questions, no matter how stupid he thinks they are. That's putting your mind at ease and ensuring you trust him. He's not doing that right now so you might want to consider that he's seeing the same girl again or a different one. There's NO reason for him not to tell you who called and if he was innocent, he would've tried to stop you from leaving. I know this isn't what you want to hear but, take it from me, I went through this very same thing not too long ago and I wished I would've listened to my gut on this one. You know your b/f and you know how you feel about this. If you feel like he's cheating, HE IS!! They don't call it women's intuition for nothing. ;) Don't confront about it, just stop calling him. I know it's hard and it will be one of those things that you might want closure on, but don't worry, he'll call you. It might take time but he will. He'll want to know why you stopped calling him, etc and then you can tell him that you stopped talking to him because you won't be lied to. Plain and simple. I guarantee that he will lie to you again if you confront him. I'm not saying you're weak for forgiving him but, to cheaters, kindness and love are sometimes viewed as being weak. If they did it once and got away with it, they might just try a second time. You know your gut, stick to it. Good luck! :)

[eightball61]

His behavior can be predicted two ways....

One way could be that something really is bothering him and he is acting like a normal guy and doesn't want to talk about it.

The other way is the way you and I are thinking. If this was an old friend calling him then he shouldn't have any worry and he should tell you who called. It raises a red flag to me that he won't tell you who called if it was "just a friend".

In my opinion you have every right to know who called because he allready messed up once. You did him a favor in giving the relationship a second chance. If he keeps hiding stuff like he is then you have the right to suspect something. You did the right thing in leaving. If he really wanted you to stay then he would have gotten up to talk to you. He knows you are right and now he feels so low he doesn't want to face the music again.

In my opinion, he has to be accepting to your conditions f the relationship. He has allready broken the trust once. If he wants to be in the relationship with you then he needs to tell you the trueth on everything rather than hide things and leaving himself open to a suspect of a cause. All he is doing is putting other thoughts in your head because you don't trust him fully yet. He did this to the relationship by messing up before and his current actions are just going to ruin the relationship now and for the future.

[Rich]

IMO you should trust your gut and soul, which I assume, is telling you to leave him.

Sounds like he is hiding something. Like the fact that it wasn't a one time thing with that girl and he's seeing her again. Or maybe she's pregnant with his kid.....or had his kid?

Either way, you'd probably want to get out now. IMO.

Rich

[inquisitive]

If it was "Just a friend" he would have told you who. There's no need to be evasive about friends. If it was innocent he could have just told you who it was. Especially with your history of him cheating. I'd be more than a little suspicious!

[8longnails]

Thank you to all who have replied.
I know when I am upset and in the situation I have initial feeling & thoughts. Then those thoughts get replaced by maybe I'm making too much of this, because of my own self esteem issues. Next thing I know I can't communicate them correctly. Seeing what all of you have written makes me feel more confident expressing my own thoughts. Thanks again!
This all happened Sunday night, its now Tuesday afternoon & I have not called him, nor do I intend to right now and he has made no attempt to contact me. Normally we would talk many times in a day if not see each other daily. I know he will call in a day or 2 and I know he will act like nothing has happened and start totalk about trivial things. When I do talk to him I want to be direct in relaying my thoughts about all of this to him. Wish me luck & I will give an update, Thanks!

[eightball61]

Him not calling you just shows how much he actually does care about what you think and feel......

[Rich]

That's what normally happens. We get a hunch or gut feeling as to what we should do, then we start to analyze in our heads and that's when we get in trouble.

Typically our first or gut instincts are the correct ones. That's our guides or angels talking to us and the thoughts are pure. We then pollute it with our societally impressed thought process, which steers us wrong.

Trust your heart, gut, soul.

Rich

[icanhelp]

well... i know what he is talking about when it comes to needing some space every now and then, but if someone cheats on you, its not always a mistake, 1 time thing, im sorry yadda yadda yadda. now frome my expierience its usually not. for one thing guys are lieng deceatfull little s, i know this for a fact sence i am one. anyways
he couldve been talking to a friend because he needs advice on your relationship, or hes lieng out of his ass. so it could go both ways ... hope i could help.

[8longnails]

Heres the update, I spoke with him on Wednesday. He wanted to talk. The girl who called was his ex. He thought I was going to get angry if he told me. He said he had not spoke to her in over a year. He said she was calling because she said she wanted to give back the money he had lent her while they were going out. I did know about the money he had lent her & I remember him telling me about a year ago that he wasn't counting on getting it back. He also told me one of the reasons they broke up was that she had a lot of problems, along with a drinking problem. So now (supposedly) she has stopped the drinking and gotten her life back on track and found her religion again. I told him how I hate it when he projects what his reaction would be as if it were mine. I told him how reacting like the way he did just will break any trust that I might of had with him. Specifically said it wasn't the fact it was a girl on the phone that made me angry it was your behavior.

Sorry for such a delay with the update but I started a new job this week, yeah! I have been taking it day by day with him more fucosed on what I need to do regarding the new job and for myself.

[eightball61]

I had an ex call my phone about a week ago that I haven't talked to i over 2 years. She invited me and my current girlfriend to a gatherng her family was having at a hall with dancing. The girl left a voicemail on my phone and I never returned her call out of respect. I also did the right thing and told my girlfriend that she called. My girlfriend was a little bothered but got over it.

Its always better t tell the trueth. Even though he thought you would have been bothered he should have thought what it would have been like with him hiding it when you are right there. You acted right and you should stay strong to him because he is the one that screwed up by trying to hide it. If she just called about gving back money then I don't get why he was hiding it :confused:

My suggestion is that you keep tabs on this whole thing. If she wants to give him back money then require that there is aper work done to prove this is why there is contact or you witness the transaction. Keeping tabs may be a good route to take. He may get annoyed with it but he is the one that lied and put himself into this situation.

[8longnails]

If she just called about gving back money then I don't get why he was hiding it :confused:

My suggestion is that you keep tabs on this whole thing. If she wants to give him back money then require that there is aper work done to prove this is why there is contact or you witness the transaction. Keeping tabs may be a good route to take. He may get annoyed with it but he is the one that lied and put himself into this situation.

I agree, maybe it was just his inital way of avoiding the conversation. Oh, I'm deffinitly keeping tabs! Thanks

[eightball61]

Remember, if its just money and she wants to pay him back then she can send a money order or have a brief visitation to give it all in full. This all could be nothing and she may really want to make peace with all people of her past. Either way though he shouldn't have lied about it...please keep us updated.

[8longnails]

Either way though he shouldn't have lied about it...please keep us updated.

He didn't "lie" remember he woulldn't talk about it, but with his past , he should of talked to me about it when I asked instead of initiating this new distrustful feeling I have with him.
I'll keep you posted, Thanks again :)

[eightball61]

He lied to you by not telling you that night who called him.


Sorry for the confusion :p Please keep us updated. ;)