notinlove
01-04-2010, 05:02 PM
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We were together for 3 years before that. I have been married before. I got married when I was 20 to someone who was a drug addict. The relationship quickly deteriorated and we were divorced 8 months later.
I immediately became involved with my current husband. He is loving, kind and supportive. I was hesitant to get married a second time, but he persisted and I finally felt I was ready. We now have two children, 6 and 3 and one due in May.
We have been seeing a therapist for about a year now because we/I have "intimacy issues." Basically, I am not very attracted to my husband and we do not have regularly. I am rarely interested and this is very frustrating to him. I do love and care about him, because he is a good person and hasn't done things to hurt me. I just don't feel that I am IN love with him. We argue/bicker usually on a daily basis and probably have one full-blown arguement once or twice a month. I get extremely angry at him during these arguements and they are not pretty. I often feel indifferent about the relationship (especially during the arguements), I usually prefer to be alone than spend time with him, often times he annoys me or I am even disgusted by him. I often do not treat him well as a result and feel bad about this. I do not have much motivation to work on the relationship. I know relationships are work, but we've been addressing the intimacy stuff for a year now and we have made little to no progress. I'm tired of trying. I often feel that he would be better off without me and that it is not fair to keep him in this relationship.
However, I have tried talking to him about this and he just doesn't get it. Despite everything, he still loves me and wants to be with me. I don't know how to get the message across! I know it will hurt him initially, but I do think he should be in a relationship where someone loves him back just as much.
On the other hand, sometimes I think maybe it is just depression and things really aren't that bad and I should just stick it out. But, deep down, I am not happy because I don't love him as a wife should and I feel that I would feel more satisfied if I were by myself.
The kids also come into play, of course. We have two wonderful boys and I do not want to see them hurt. I am also pregnant, due in May and I often regret getting pregnant. I guess in a way I hoped it would bring us closer together (duh, I know better). I know things will be stressful when the new baby comes and the timing for all of this to come to a head is not good.
I am not sure what to do at this point. I feel like I can continue to put on a face and keep going for a little while longer, but that doesn't seem fair to him, despite the fact that it is probably his preference.
I am interested in hearing your thoughts/feeback/advice. Thank you for listening.
I immediately became involved with my current husband. He is loving, kind and supportive. I was hesitant to get married a second time, but he persisted and I finally felt I was ready. We now have two children, 6 and 3 and one due in May.
We have been seeing a therapist for about a year now because we/I have "intimacy issues." Basically, I am not very attracted to my husband and we do not have regularly. I am rarely interested and this is very frustrating to him. I do love and care about him, because he is a good person and hasn't done things to hurt me. I just don't feel that I am IN love with him. We argue/bicker usually on a daily basis and probably have one full-blown arguement once or twice a month. I get extremely angry at him during these arguements and they are not pretty. I often feel indifferent about the relationship (especially during the arguements), I usually prefer to be alone than spend time with him, often times he annoys me or I am even disgusted by him. I often do not treat him well as a result and feel bad about this. I do not have much motivation to work on the relationship. I know relationships are work, but we've been addressing the intimacy stuff for a year now and we have made little to no progress. I'm tired of trying. I often feel that he would be better off without me and that it is not fair to keep him in this relationship.
However, I have tried talking to him about this and he just doesn't get it. Despite everything, he still loves me and wants to be with me. I don't know how to get the message across! I know it will hurt him initially, but I do think he should be in a relationship where someone loves him back just as much.
On the other hand, sometimes I think maybe it is just depression and things really aren't that bad and I should just stick it out. But, deep down, I am not happy because I don't love him as a wife should and I feel that I would feel more satisfied if I were by myself.
The kids also come into play, of course. We have two wonderful boys and I do not want to see them hurt. I am also pregnant, due in May and I often regret getting pregnant. I guess in a way I hoped it would bring us closer together (duh, I know better). I know things will be stressful when the new baby comes and the timing for all of this to come to a head is not good.
I am not sure what to do at this point. I feel like I can continue to put on a face and keep going for a little while longer, but that doesn't seem fair to him, despite the fact that it is probably his preference.
I am interested in hearing your thoughts/feeback/advice. Thank you for listening.